first moment he laid eyes on her.Truth be told, Zac had loved Beth since the very first moment he laid eyes on her.
He remembered the exact moment. She was 16, and he was a month shy of his 15th birthday. He was at a party at his friend Brian’s house.
Beth was Brian’s cousin, and. she and her family had moved to Tulsa during the summer. Beth’s parents had thought attending Brian’s party would be a good way for her to get to hang out with some of the local kids.
Zac had been sitting in Brian’s basement when Beth walked through the door. Her skin was as pale as fine porcelain, which was a beautiful contrast to the shiny, blue-black hair that hung to her waist. Her eyes were so blue they were almost violet. Zac would soon discover that when those eyes were giving him a hard look, he felt like Beth was looking through him and straight into his soul.
Zac knew he was staring; that he looked like a gaping fool. But he couldn’t take his eyes off Beth. She was a vision in her long black dress. She was wearing strappy sandals, and Zac noticed that she wore at least three anklets on each ankle.
He hadn’t even spoken to her, but something inside Zac told him Beth was dangerous. But he chose not to heed the warnings, and he embarked on what were to become the wildest few weeks of his life.
Beth was a perceptive girl, and she noticed right away that she had caught Zac’s eye. She insisted that Brian introduce them.
“Zac, this is my cousin, Beth,” Brian had said. “Beth, this is my friend Zac.”
Beth held her hand out, and Zac shook it firmly. Zac felt the electricity between them as soon as they touched one another.
“Nice to meet you, Beth.”
Beth gave Zac a naughty smile and a knowing look. “Likewise,” she said.
“Well, guys, I’m going to see how the other guests are doing,” Brian said. “You just talk amongst yourselves.”
Zac shuffled his feet nervously. “Where are you from?” he asked.
“Oklahoma City,” Beth replied. “But we moved here earlier in the summer. I’ll be in the 10th grade. What about you?”
“I’ll be a sophomore too, sort of,” Zac said.
“Sort of?”
“I’m home schooled,” Zac said.
Beth raised her heavy eyebrows. “Really? How long?”
“All my life,” Zac said.
At that moment, the basement lights dimmed and the song “One” by U2 came on. Couples moved to the makeshift dance floor in the corner of the basement.
“Do you want to dance with me, Zac?” Beth asked coyly.
“I’m not very good at it,” Zac admitted.
Beth turned her blue eyes on Zac. He decided at that minute that if she had asked him to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, he would have done it.
“I’ll help you,” Beth purred.
Zac, mesmerized by Beth, followed her out onto the floor.
Beth pressed her body up against Zac. He had never been so close to a girl before, and his body was responding in ways he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with.
Beth smiled up at him as they swayed to the music, and Zac knew that she felt what was going on inside his pants. Right there on the dance floor, Beth started rubbing herself up against Zac’s now almost intolerable hard-on.
Zac’s face flushed. He tried to ignore what was going on by listening intently to the lyrics Bono was crooning.
Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One...
At the time, Zac had no idea how prophetic those lyrics would become.
“Are you a virgin, Zac?” Beth whispered.
Zac couldn’t believe that Beth would come out and ask him such a thing.
“Why?” he asked.
“Just making conversation,” Beth replied innocently.
The song ended, and Zac backed quickly away from Beth.
“Do you want to go outside with me?” Beth asked.
Zac was torn. On the one hand, the thought of being alone with Beth scared the hell out of him. On the other hand, he felt powerless to tell her no.
Zac simply nodded, and Beth smiled. She took his hand and led him outside. She showed him to a shiny red Trans Am.
“My car,” she announced. “Would you like to drive it?”
Zac shook his head. “I’m not 15 until next month,” he said. “I don’t even have a permit.”
Beth’s deep eyes danced. “I trust you. Come on, get in.”
Zac slid behind the wheel of the car, even though he knew it wasn’t a smart thing to do. Beth handed him the keys, and he started the ignition.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
Beth grinned. “You just drive; I’ll give you directions.”
Zac backed the car out of the driveway. As he started down the road, Beth began fishing through her glove box. She came up with a small tin, and when she had removed the lid the car was filled with a pungent odor.
“What are you doing?” Zac asked suspiciously.
“I’m rolling a joint,” Beth said matter-of-factly.
Zac’s eyes grew wide in horror. “Drugs?” he said. “You have drugs? In the car? The car that I’m driving illegally?”
Beth chuckled. “Don’t worry,” she said. “We’ll be parking soon.”
Moments later, Beth and Zac were stopped outside a cemetery. Beth instructed Zac to turn the engine off.
“Come on,” she said.
Zac gave Beth a sideways look. “This is a cemetery, Beth,” he said.
“No kidding,” Beth said. She fixed Zac with a sultry look. “Trust me.”
Zac couldn’t believe he was doing it, but he got out of the car and followed Beth through the cemetery gates.
They walked down several winding trails past hundreds of grave markers before Beth found a spot she seemed to particularly like. The gravestones near the spot were fairly new, most of them proclaiming dates of death in the 1970s and 1980s. Beth sat on the ground amid the stones. The moon was full and it cast a bluish shadow over her. Zac had never seem hair so black or so shiny before in his life.
“Sit with me,” Beth said.
Zac did as he was told.
Beth produced the neatly rolled joint and a lighter from the pocket of her flowing black dress. “You’ve never gotten high, have you Zac?”
Zac shook his head. “No.”
Beth lit the joint and took a long drag. She closed her eyes and let the smoke invade her lungs. She blew it out slowly through her nose while Zac watched, transfixed.
She opened her eyes slowly and smiled. She offered the joint to Zac.
“I … I don’t think so,” Zac said uncertainly.
“Come on, Zac,” Beth prodded. “Just take a couple of hits. It’ll relax you.”
Zac bit his lip. He reached out and took the joint from Beth. She handed him the lighter.
“Inhale slowly so you don’t roach your throat,” Beth instructed.
Zac took a slow, even hit. He held it in for a long time, as he had seen Beth do. Although it tasted strange and burned his nose and throat, he exhaled the smoke out his nose.
Beth smiled. “That was good,” she said.
Zac and Beth proceeded to get good and truly stoned.
Zac looked through the slits he had for eyes at Beth.
“Was there any particular reason you wanted me to be so relaxed?” he asked.
Beth moved closer to Zac and began running her hands through his long, silky hair. “You are so beautiful,” she murmured.
Beth brought her lips to Zac’s slowly. Their kissing started out tenderly, but grew passionate quickly.
Zac felt like he was outside himself. He knew what he was doing was wrong on so many levels: he had met this girl mere hours ago, he was high and he was in a cemetery. But Beth’s mental hold on him was so strong that he knew there was no way the inevitable was not going to happen.
Beth drew back and gently shoved Zac away from her. He watched in awe as she pulled her dress up over her head. She wore no bra and no underwear. All she had on were her ankle bracelets.
Beth wordlessly moved toward Zac and pulled helped him out of his shirt. She undid his jeans and slid them off his body, taking his boxer shorts with them.
Holy Christ, Zac, his brain screamed. You are sitting buck naked in a cemetery at midnight, stoned out of your head.
Zac moved toward Beth slowly, and brought his mouth down on hers roughly. He let his hands roam everywhere: he legs, her stomach, her breasts. His body was soon on top of hers, and they began moving in rhythm.
Zac looked into Beth’s eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he had the presence of mind to ask.
“Oh, yes,” Beth replied.
Beth helped virginal Zac find the right place to be. He entered her quickly, before he could change his mind.
Zac’s jaw clenched and he sucked in his breath as he felt himself slip inside Beth. He lay motionless for a moment, trying to make sense of what was going on.
“Move back and forth,” Beth whispered.
Zac did as Beth instructed, and she began to moan. It started out softly, but she was eventually screaming his name.
The more Beth screamed, the more aroused Zac became and the faster he moved. He was vaguely aware that Beth’s fingernails were drawing blood as she drew them across his muscular back.
Zac felt something happening, and he knew he was about to climax.
“Oh God, Beth,” he gasped. “I think I’m about to finish.”
“Go with it,” Beth said, panting. “I’ll go with you.”
Every muscle in Beth and Zac’s bodies tightened at the same minute, and they climaxed in unison.
Zac collapsed on top of Beth.
“Oh, God,” he said weakly.
Beth stroked his hair and smiled knowingly. She had him.
Zac tiptoed into the house, trying not to make too much noise. He was still high as a kite and now he was starving.
He entered the kitchen, where he was horrified to discover his oldest brother, 19-year-old Isaac, sitting at the table.
“Are you aware that it’s 3 a.m.?” Isaac asked.
Zac, trying to appear straight, gave his brother a surprised look. “Is it?” he asked, opening the refrigerator.
Isaac could not be put off. “Turn around and look at me,” he said.
Zac slowly turned to Isaac, who lifted Zac’s chin and looked into his caramel-colored eyes.
“Zac, you’re stoned,” he said.
Zac looked at Isaac like he was crazy. “I am not,” he protested.
“I’ve seen stoned people before,” Isaac said. “You’re high.”
Zac decided that since Isaac had him busted anyway, he might as well just admit it. “So?” he said.
“Who did this to you?” Isaac demanded.
“I did this to me,” Zac said, his temper flaring. “I have a mind of my own, you know.”
“We called Brian’s place when you didn’t show up at curfew,” Isaac said. “He told us you’d left with his cousin, and he also told us that she was trouble.”
Zac narrowed his eyes at Isaac. “You just don’t worry about me,” he spat. “I can take care of myself.”
Zac’s relationship with Beth became increasingly dangerous in the days following Brian’s party. She encouraged him to participate in bad behavior, and egged him on when he was doing foolish things.
She introduced him to cocaine and acid, and stood by as he spent money like a drunken sailor.
Zac began missing practice sessions with the band, choosing instead to spend steamy afternoons and nights with Beth. Their sex became kinky and downright strange, as well as frequent. More often than not, they were under the influence of some substance. There were times when they rented hotel rooms and stayed away from their homes for days at a time.
In a strange way, Beth and Zac had fallen deeply in love in a few short weeks. Their relationship was unhealthy and co-dependent, but they truly cared for one another. Their souls had connected.
Beth was not a welcome visitor in the Hanson house. Isaac had told his parents all about Beth’s reputation, and Zac had been firmly instructed that he was not to bring Beth around.
On one lazy afternoon, Beth and Zac were holed up in an expensive hotel. Their naked bodies were entwined in each other and the sheets, and they smoked a joint as they talked.
“You know what I want to do today?” Zac said.
“What?” Beth asked.
“I want to buy a motorcycle.”
Beth sat up, wide-eyed. “Oooh, you should,” she said. “You owe yourself a 15th birthday present.”
“Let’s do it,” Zac said, jumping from the bed and pulling his jeans and sweater on. “Come on, come with me. Help me pick out my 15th birthday bike.”
Beth smiled widely and got out of bed to accompany Zac to the motorcycle shop.
Not even an hour later, 15-year-old Zac Hanson was the proud owner of a shiny new Harley-Davidson motorcycle.
He and Beth donned their helmets, and Zac started the motorcycle. The couple took off down the streets of Tulsa.
“How does it feel?” Beth shouted above the roar of the motor.
“Like my dirt bike, only bigger,” Zac said.
“Let’s go out on the back roads so we can really open it up,” Beth suggested.
Zac and Beth headed out of town.
As they cruised down the dirt roads on the outskirts of Tulsa, Beth kept egging Zac on, daring him to go faster and faster. As with everything Beth asked of him, Zac complied.
Before Zac knew what was happening, he felt the bike skidding out of control. Trees, rocks, and the sky tumbled together like a kaleidoscope, and the last thing Zac heard was Beth screaming before everything went black.
Zac could hear Taylor and Isaac’s voices, but they sounded very distant.
“Come on, buddy, wake up,” he heard Taylor say.
Zac thought for a moment about opening his eyes, but decided against it. He had been sleeping for he didn’t know how long, but it just felt good to rest.
“Open your eyes, Zac,” Isaac said sternly. “Don’t let her do this to you.”
Her? Zac thought. He realized that Isaac must be talking about Beth.
Instinctively, Zac knew that Beth was gone. He knew that she had died in the accident. He could feel that she was no longer alive, even though no one had come right out and told him.
Zac had been in a coma since the accident. He had slept deeply for almost three weeks. Although he responded to touch, he simply wouldn’t wake up.
His family kept vigil at his bedside, willing him to open his eyes.
I will, Zac thought to himself. When I’m ready. Right now, I just want to rest.
Zac knew that the only place he could be and not go crazy without Beth right at the moment was inside his own mind.
Yes, he would wake up … when he was ready.