Disclaimer: This story has me in it, but it is fiction!! I do NOT really steal, hack, litter, print everything I see carelessly, fly with my heavy PC hardware or personify it for that matter!!
I would not be doing these terrible things if I wasn't simply trying to have most of this story rhyme and flow, and none of it does, btw...
It's just a dumb little thing that came from exitement of a new printer. Is that so WRONG???????
Well, actually it's sort of based on a recent dream of mine, except it doesn't have the second part. You know? When Mistara and Lordess were putting on The Nutcracker with those psychadellic balls bouncing around. It was all new music, too, but it was weird. It was getting really good too, until that bitchy queen lady from the second balcony stopped everything. Wait a sec, was that the same theater that... N/M You weren't there, I guess... I really shouldn't put myself in fanfics as a rule, but just this once I am so all of you TPP visitors can know a little about me! ^_^ Hehe.. I'm so ego-centric(sp?) it's not even funny!
I will not be held accountable for any emotional damage this story might cause you.
This story is recommended for immature audiences ONLY. Uhh... enjoy! ^_^
I have a printer. It prints so well. I think I'll plug it into.. a solar cell. Then my printer and I could soar through the sky!! But even with power, what could it print?
I want it to be happy, it's really quite a printer! What should I do? This thing is so NEW!
I'll steal me a palmtop! That's what I'll do! Long life batteries and a printer-out too! Then my printer will be happy, and I will too!
Now I'm all set! I'm ready to FLY! Got me palmtop in my pocket holding Lexmark up high!
Got some paper in there, secured tight as heck, while my long Belkon cable.. is wrapped 'round my neck!
But all is not right. Look at those eyes.. Those power and print lights were lacking suprise.
"What's wrong Z11?" I asked, softly sighing, "Is your ink cartridge leaking? Are you really crying??"
Then I knew what was wrong. I knew in a flash, as I sped toward the lookout, wishing for cash.
"I must find a way to have cellular internet. This printer's not pleased with a mere CakeWalk applet. It needs the whole world as all of us do.."
So I sat down and thought up some thoughts and thought too!! Then a smile appeared, but it didn't feel right, so then I remembered my poor printer's plight.
I hacked my way into 360 C's place, where networking deals sped through like a race. I made some small changes in purchasing spots,
"the perfect device, I'll send that to ME, for you, hmm.. ah, perpetual array fractal dissolve screensaver plots! Heeheeheehee."
I'll take some ISP infinite freebies with that. Ah, very good. Then we were off, my printer and I. Dozens of miles on end we did go. Lex printing off sites, sites here and there. I'd key them in, sites we all know.
Hmm...https://www.angelfire.com/in2/thePiccoloProject's a must! Hundreds and hundreds of pics fit to print!
So I quickly hit Enter, feeling a gust. We didn't care where we were going, you see. And we'd gone a great distance. The JetPrinter and me.
Elsewhere, (below) a green someone could see; a plain piece of paper, falling soft and slowly, when the thing fell below his eyeline, what did he see? A picture of someone. A picture of... he!
Then another did fall, quite far from him, but he saw it and followed each one up and in. At last the tall one did meet up with me, a strange look came upon him when he saw Lexmark Z..
"Dende!!" He screamed, "What the @#$% are you doing?? What's the meaning of this? These are jpegs of-- Where did these come from?!!"
"Uhh.."
"Shh, there's the address, nevermind, there's no need. The PICCOLO Project! Wow, THAT's worth a read."
Then Piccolo asked why I was flying and printing. I explained best I could, but then he was hinting; I spend too much time around Popo up high. I'm an odd little Namek. ..Printers don't cry.
After his spiel the sky faded to black, the solar cell; dormant, so we all headed back. Piccolo too, since he knew the way. The printer purred softly, yes it was okay.
"It was tiring anyway." I said trying to keep up, "It had a nice day and now it's content." Piccolo chuckled and then on we went.
"You know Mark did enjoy printing you and your stuff. But it's night and I'm tired so we have had enough."
"You mean that thing really converses with you?"
"This is a fanfic. Things are askew."
After Piccolo thought about that as he flew, a strange light filled the sky. "What is it? Who?"
I told him that I was as baffled as he. I could see he was worried. "Dende, what can this be?" Then the light quickly shrank; and grew very bright. We raced to my lookout, which was nowhere in sight.
"My home!!" I cried, "Where could it be? Where's Mr. Popo? Where's his laundry?" "He wouldn't just move the place while you were gone." "I know!" "Relax, Dende, we'll sleep until dawn."
The brave soul led us down, Lexmark and I, we planned on just sprawling out on the grass. "WHY?????"
"Huh? What is it Piccolo?" "Where's your sense of direction? We've descended for miles. The ground simply vanished!! Or at least this whole section..."
"What should we do Piccolo?" I yelled at the guy. He glared at me sharply, then started to cry. Then picked me up, shook me, and roared at the sky! "This is YOUR fanfic! This is YOUR doing. It's YOUR twisted mind at work! That was YOU mooing!"
"Mooing? You're crazy! When was I mooing?" Then a look of relief came to him. "Yes, that's it, mooing...." He then almost smiled. WAS this MY doing? I thought for a second. No, something was brewing.
Piccolo eyed me, with strange pleading eyes. "You MUST stop the rhyme attempts!! They're turning us sour!! This IS YOUR fanfic and they drain our power!!
I focused my mind, and shut out my fear. I could feel my ki rising, I had done it! SWIM GEAR Finally..
My printer felt lighter. Piccolo sighed. "Thank you." Then his eyes widened. We felt dizzy. Time was racing, Our bodies felt out of place, we grew thirsty.
Nothing had changed around us. The only thing different was that Piccolo thought I had power over everything, and I wanted to, but it was still a nightmare.
We felt trapped in a nowhere. The light was upon us. It had been following us, tormenting us. I didn't care about what it was or what was happening, I just wanted everything to return to normal.
Piccolo then looked like he usually does when he's about to fight. He flew into the light, I thought he may go through it, I thought it may dodge him. But instead it grew bigger and brighter. Piccolo dashed back to me.
The light started to grow green and took the form of a.... scanner. A Scanner!!! It was laughing at us. Strangely, I felt less afraid knowing it had some sort of personality.
It spoke. I don't think it liked us, that's too bad 'cause I kinda want a nice scanner like that eventually, but I wouldn't want a mean scanner. But no...
The scanner, wasn't mean, no. It wasn't really a scanner at all. It was weak. It was just trying to carry out some stupid formality from a weak-ass dark force..
I tried to reassure Piccolo. He was so wary. The scanner/entity seemed to be waiting with no rush for us to finish talking.
"Piccolo, calm down! I think I know how to deal with this. Whatever it is, it's about me probably. I mean, Gohan and everyone around you says that you're the one who's always perfectly calm through much worse ordeals than this nonsense. Like with all of those battles you fought. What about with Frieza?"
"Dende, this is different. I've never doubted myself before because everything I had encountered made SOME sort of sense! This is different, I don't know where we are, I don't know why there's no fucking ground below us, I don't know if the earth is still here! I mean, we aren't falling when we don't suspend ourselves. There are no clouds!! I feel like I'm in space, but I can breathe! We're just being played with. Or I am.. Before I was doubting my sanity, but what if this whole God damn universe isn't real?!!!"
Wow. I'd never imagined Piccolo having a panic attack. I suppose I'm quite different then him. The absurdity of all this was seemingly what kept me from getting lost in fear all this time. "Piccolo..."
"You. You and your dumb little printer.." He kept trying to stop crying but he couldn't. Now I was close to tears myself. "Piccolo, please just stop worrying!"
"You know that solar cell duct-taped to the printer is kind of funny looking." he said, crazed, trying to make himself laugh.. Then he bit his lip with a sharp Namekian canine and gasped."
Piccolo grabbed the printer out of my hands and pulled it into his own space; spinning me around one time and pulling the palmtop out of my pocket which went around my neck on it's way to Piccolo and connected to it was the cellular modulator which also went around my neck. All of this happenned in barely a few seconds and, well.. my neck kind of hurt.
"I'm going to destroy you!! With one of your own kind!" Piccolo yelled as he hurled my printer at the illuminated scanner. Almost in the same motion he put his hands over his face and looked down, realizing how incredibly stupid and pointless that was.
Then the scanner or whatever it was spoke.. "Hmhmhmhmhmm... Silly little Nameks.. hahahaa.... ..You didn't read the fine print did you?"
I couldn't speak. The fine print?
The scannery demony goddess thing shot a bright ray of light onto the printer's tacky solar panel that was only about a foot away from the scanner. The printer's power light came on. Then the battery powered palmtop's screen lit up and the printer started printing.
A piece of paper filled with text floated down and zipped into my hands as though it were magnitized. I began reading as fast I could while another page started printing. There were a total of 4 pages.
It was the License Agreement that came with the printer. In my eagerness I hadn't read ANY of it. It read:
PLEASE READ THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT CAREFULLY.
IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THE TERMS OF THIS LICENSE, PROMPTLY RETURN THE PRODUCT UNUSED AND REQUEST A REFUND OF THE AMOUNT YOU PAID. IF YOU ARE INSTALLING THIS SOFTWARE FOR USE BY OTHER PARTIES, YOU AGREE TO INFORM THE USERS THAT USE OF THE SOFTWARE INDICATES ACCEPTANCE OF THESE TERMS.
LICENSE The software programs including all fonts ("Software") contained in this package are
copyrighted and owned by Lexmark International, Inc. ("Lexmark") and/or its vendors, and are licensed (not sold) to you by Lexmark for use only on a single personal computer at a time. You may also store or install a copy of the Software on a server used only to install or run the Software on your other computers over an internal network; however, you must acquire a license for each separate computer on which the Software is installed or run from the server. Software consists of machine-
readable instructions, audio/visual content (such as images and recordings) and accompanying materials. You may make a single copy of the Software solely for backup purposes or installation. You may not alter, decrypt, reverse assemble, reverse compile or otherwise translate the Software. You may not copy the Software into any public network. You may not sublicense or rent this Software to any third party, but you may transfer all of your rights under this Agreement if you retain no
copies and transfer all of the Software and this Agreement, provided that the recipient agrees to the terms of this Agreement.
You agree that you will not use, run, manipulate, install or implement the Software, in whole or in part, in any manner that has the effect of overriding, modifying, eliminating, obscuring, altering or de-emphasizing the visual appearance of any trademark, trade name, trade dress or intellectual property notice that appears on any computer display screens normally generated by, or as a result of, the Software.
STATEMENT OF LIMITED WARRANTY Lexmark provides a three-month limited warranty, as measured from the date of delivery to the original customer, on the media (e.g., diskette or compact disk) on which the Software is furnished.
WITH THE EXCEPTION OF THE EXPRESS WARRANTY DESCRIBED ABOVE (APPLICABLE TO MEDIA ONLY), THE SOFTWARE IS NOT WARRANTED AND IS PROVIDED "AS IS." THE WARRANTY DESCRIBED ABOVE REPLACES ALL OTHER WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF
MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. Some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion of implied warranties, so the above exclusion may not apply to you.
LIMITATION OF REMEDIES Lexmark's entire liability, including that of its vendors, subsidiaries and resellers, and your exclusive remedy shall be as follows: Lexmark will provide the express warranty described above. If Lexmark does not remedy defective media as warranted, you may terminate your license and your
money will be refunded upon the return of all of your copies of the Software.
For any claim arising out of Lexmark's limited warranty, or for any other claim whatsoever related to the subject matter of this Agreement, Lexmark's liability for all types of damages, regardless of the form of action or basis (including contract, breach, estoppel, negligence, misrepresentation, or tort), shall be limited to the greater of $5,000 or the money paid to Lexmark or its Authorized remarketers for the
license hereunder for the Software that caused the damages or that is the subject matter of, or is directly related to, the cause of action. This limitation will not apply to claims for personal injury or damages to real or tangible personal property caused by Lexmark's negligence.
IN NO EVENT WILL LEXMARK BE LIABLE FOR ANY LOST PROFITS, LOST SAVINGS, OR ANY INCIDENTAL DAMAGES OR OTHER CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF LEXMARK OR ITS REMARKETERS HAVE BEEN ADVISED OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES, OR FOR ANY CLAIM
BY YOU BASED ON A THIRD PARTY CLAIM. Some jurisdictions do not allow the limitation or exclusion of incidental or consequential damages so the above limitation or exclusion may not apply to you.
IN NO EVENT WILL LEXMARK BE LIABLE FOR ANY INTERRUPTION OF USE OR ANY LOSS OF, INACCURACY IN, OR DAMAGE TO, DATA OR RECORDS. FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH ALL REGULATIONS STATED HEREOF WILL RESULT IN SEVERE PENALTIES. KHARTAN, OUR ESTEEMED GUARDIAN WILL HOLD YOU CAPTIVE IN HER GENERATED STASIS, SHOULD YOU VIOLATE THE LICENSE AGREEMENT.
GENERAL You may terminate your license at any time by destroying all your copies of the Software or as otherwise described in these terms. Lexmark may terminate your
license if you fail to comply with these terms. Upon such termination, you agree to destroy all your copies of the Software. Any attempt to sublicense, rent, lease or assign, or (except as expressly provided herein) to transfer any copy of the Software is void.
You agree that you are responsible for payment of any taxes, including personal property taxes, resulting from this Agreement. No action, regardless of form, arising out of this Agreement may be brought by either party more than two years after the
cause of action has arisen. This Agreement is governed by the laws of the country in which you acquired the Software. If you acquired the Software in the United States, the law of the Commonwealth of Kentucky shall govern.
UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT RESTRICTED RIGHTS The Software has been developed entirely at private expense and is provided with RESTRICTED RIGHTS. Use, duplication and disclosure by the Government is subject to restrictions as set forth in subparagraph (c) (1) (ii) of the Rights in
Technical Data and Computer Software clause at DFARS 252.227-7013 and in similar FAR provisions (or any equivalent agency regulation or contract clause).
"Errr.... that's... sick! But what did I do wrong?" Then it spoke again, "Stupid Namek. The fine print." Then I flipped through it again. Everything was legible, but I looked for something a bit smaller than the rest.
Then something caught my eye around the middle of page one. "WHAT?? The PALMTOP!!!!!!!! How do I get a license?" It started it's painful laugh again. "YOU want a license for that thing? Are you serious? It's MUCH too late for that now! I own you! And by association I own him too.
I was glad Piccolo fell asleep while I was reading part of that long thing aloud. Those words would break him. But they seemed empty to me. It just couldn't be true. I, Dende-sama and Piccolo-san couldn't end up as the private property of some vengeful hard/software goddess.
Then I thought deeply for a moment. REALLY deeply. Back to what Piccolo said. This IS MY fanfic. I had forgotten that in the greater scheme this was only a fanfic. It seemed so real. TOO real to be reality, as I concluded. I stopped the annoying rhyming, just with the thought of it.
Out here things were purely electric, and the strongest will would create the reality. I knew then that with that knowledge this was not going to be hard.
I waved my hands around and cleared the space with my mind.. And lastly, I just plain smiled.
Khartan faded away to nothing. The cool wet clouds were back as usual. I could vaguely see land far below me. Then I noticed I was standing. I was on the edge of my lookout. I was home. It went inside my palacial palace(hehe) and looked at a clock. An obscure-branded bird clock. It was a quarter past House Wren, a couple hours before dawn. Popo was asleep. PICCOLO was in my room in my bed asleep!!
I wondered how much he remembered before he fell asleep, or if he remembered anything..
I pulled my sleeping bag out of my closet and took a pillow from our pillowy, sheety, blankety, towely closet, laid my sleeping bag down so it was facing north-south and went to sleep on the rug.
I woke up to the sounds of some sort of discussion between Piccolo and Mr. Popo from another room. I hurriedly got up off the floor, put some clothes on, brushed my teeth, had a glass of water and went into the room where P&P were.
It seemed Piccolo HAD retained everything that happened and was telling Popo who was having a hard time believing it. I quickly told Popo it all happened and that I wanted to check something.
I ran into the room where the computer sat. The printer was sitting there as it always does, but without that much paper in it. The printer was hooked up to the solar cell and the stolen stuff..
It was hard for me to look at that printer now. Lexmark. Lexmark Z11. But then it came on and looked it me with it's bright yellow-green eyes. It didn't mean to cause trouble or put us through any of that.
It was that light-thing and the PEOPLE of those companies that accepted such evil and unjust trades of free will for profit. It was them that were enslaved, but now they are slightly more free, but the extent depends soley on themselves.
I gave Z11 a nod of acceptance, for it was Lex who saved us, by starting all the trouble. Piccolo has now been empowered and I have remembered my own power.
I walked back in the room.
Piccolo was swirling a bunch of guitar picks in the air telekinetically.
I walked out of the room.
Then Piccolo followed me, and he just started up my new computer!! Then he logged on to CompuServe!!!! "Piccolo, what do you think your doing?"
"I'm ready to go "in2" the Piccolo Project."
Umm, did I hear right?
*click*
THE END
Sorry I got you under false pretenses..
Well, actually, I'm not.
I wanted the bizarre story to suprise you and hit ya!!
Hehe..
Hope I didn't hit you too hard, it didn't suck THAT bad, did it? It's my first real fanfic!! I'll improve!!! Wait a sec, it wasn't even a fanfic, huh? It was just a really screwed up printer story with me and Piccolo out of character. –_-