Clan Disadvantages parts 1-7 by Phobos!
Lasher gathers all the clans together, and tells
them that each clan will be getting a
disadvantage of some sort.
'Lasher "Ok first we will start with Hook
Hook "Aaarrgh..what may that be matey?"'
LAsher "Hooks Disadvantage will be drunkeness,
no matter how much you drink you will always be drunk"'
Hook "Aaaargh...You say that like its a bad thing"
Lasher turns and looks at Hook "umm, Ok."
Hook "Aaargh...." And then passes out in a drunken stupor.
Lasher "Next is Emerald...."
Retribution "What about us?"
Lasher "I'll be getting to you soon"
Retribution "When"
Emerald "Hey stop interupting Lasher"
Retributions shoves Emerald "Want to start
something?"
Lasher gets inbetween Retribution and Emerald
"No fighting here, this is neutral ground.
Otherwise i will zap you"
Retribution backs off grumbling "pansys"
Lasher "Anyways, as i was saying Emeralds
Clan Disadvantage will be that they cannot
attack another unless they are attacked first. Or
if they feel that their honor had been disgraced
in some manner"
Emerald "We dont like it"
Lasher "Too bad, you must take it"
Emerald Grumbles.
Hook snores.
Lasher "Next on the list is Shadokil'
Stepping from behind some shadows appears Shadokil
Lasher "From now on when ever you attempt
to assassinate anyone you must tell that
person who sent you"
Retribution laughs "No one has hired shadokil to
assassinate anyone in years"
Shadokil whispers "I can be sure someone hires
us to assassinate you"
Retribution "Bah, no one can touch us"
Shadokil "Dont be so sure about that."
Lasher "ahem"
Retribution and Shadokil "Sorry"
Shadokil hides in the shadows again.
Retribution Mutters "Losers"
Xunti "Infedels."
Lasher "Well now Xunti your next so lets get
on with you"
Xunti is silent
Lasher "Your clan disadvantage will be that
you have such complicated names that it
takes for ever for anyone to type"
Retribution "How is that a disadvantage?"
Hook snores.
Lasher "It just is, if you have a problem with
that go whine to someone who cares"
Retribution "Yeah, ok, what ever..."
Xunti "Infedels"
Retribution grumbles
As we left Lasher and the clans, Hook, Xunti,
Emerald and shadokil got their clan
disadvantages. So we take off from there....
Lasher "Ok next on the list is seekers."
Retribution "let me guess they get to "Seek"
things?"
Lasher "Umm..sorta.."
Hook snores and mumbles "I wanna ride the
pony"
Seekers "I hope i dont get a lame Disadvantage
like emerald got"
Retribution "Lame clan, Lame skill, why not lame
disadvantage"
Xunti "Infedels"
Lasher "Anyways, Seekers from now on, you
must go out of yourway to protect the
knowledge you seek. Even if you die"
Seekers "I knew i would get something lame"
Retribution snickers "Told ya"
Lasher "Hush...Now next is Pyre"
Lasher "umm..Yes of course
Pyre "What do i get?
Pyre "Hey! Thats me!"
Lasher "A slap in the face, now hush"
Retribution snickers "Little baby pyre..."
Pyre"shut up i am more powerful than you"
Retribution "Oh yeah, i feel scared, i am shaking
in my boots"
Lasher "Ahem, excuse me"
Pyre and Retribution "Sorry"
Retribution mutters under his breath "Losers"
Lasher "Ok Pyre, your disadvantage will be that
you are nothing but minions of the higher truer
evil powers. All your plans will be doomed
to fail due to lack of any special leadership quality"
Pyre "Awww...man. This Sucks"
Retribution "Yeah we know you do"
Emerald "So otherwise your saying Pyre hasnt
changed then?
Lasher "Yeah...i guess"
Hook snores and mutters "No dont stick that
probe there!"
Lasher "Ok next on my little list is Chaos"
Retribution "I hope whining is their disadvantage"
Lasher Glares "No thats yours, now quiet of I'll delete you"
Emerald, Seekers, Pyre, Shadokil all snicker.
Lasher "Ok Chaos, here is your clan disadvantage"
(no response)
Lasher "Chaos, are you there?"
Retribution "they prolly casted a "Create Flower "
Spell and are all marveling over the effects"
Lasher Glares at Retribution
Retribution backs away.
(Still no responce)
Lasher "Anyways, Chaos your disadvantage will
be that you cannot get awayfrom your books,
and that you will not have any warrior skills of
anytype andmust rely on your magic"
Chaos "Hey thats not fair"
Retribution "SO Mighty Chaos speaks"
Lasher "Its fair enough, wait till i get to Retributions Disadvantage."
Chaos Sulks.
Lasher "Ok all is goin well so far"
Retribution snickers "What ever you say"
Lasher "Ok, on to the next clan disadvantage"
Pyre "I hate mine"
Retribution "We hate you"
Pyre sticks out its tongue at Retribution.
Retribution "Dont make me get out my
aardknife...."
Lasher "Quiet you two, i am trying to speak"
Pyre "Hrrmph..."
Retribution mutters "Wannabe evil clan"
Lasher sighs "OK next is Bard"
Bard "I am here oh great one, for we are your
devoted son"
Lasher "Umm..yeah....Anyways, Bard your
disadvantage will that you must always speak
in rhyme"
Bard "I dont think thats too hard, cause i am
the great and magnificent bard."
Retribution "Try that one on a card"
Lasher snickers
Pyre "I want something else"
Lasher "Tough, you get what you get"
Pyre "I want a choice...i say we all get to
decide on what our clan disadvantage should
be"
Retribution "How about we just delete pyre
and make everyone happy"
All the clans agree.
Lasher "sorry wont go there unless they do
something to really piss me off."
Xunti "Infidels"
Lasher "Ok next is Doh"
DoH Crying "Wetribution hit me!"
Retribution with a little smirk "I did not"
Hook snores and mutters "Oooo..Crimson...i
like it when you touch me there...."
Lasher shakes his head "Anyways, DoH, from
now on you can only speak baby talk"
Retribution "Awww....wook at the wittle DoH"
DoH starts crying.
Chaos looks up from its book, shakes head and
goes back to reading.
Xunti "Infidels"
Lasher "Ok, next in line is...
Retribution INterupts Lasher "Let me guess,
Retribution"
Lasher "No, next is daoine"
Retribution "when do i get mine?"
Lasher "soon enough"
Daoine flutters in "Hi guys, and Retribution"
Retribution "Where is my fly swatter"
Lasher "Ok, Daoine, since you are all faeries,
from now you you must all talk with lisps and
be snappy dressers"
Daoine "HEY! We are not that kinda Faerie!!!!"
Lasher shuffles some papers around
"Umm..sorry, we'll get back to you later then"
Daoine fumes, and then begins to tickles
hooks toes.
Hook snorts and giggles.
Xunti "infidels"
DoH "waaahhh!!"
Pyre "I want another disadvantage"
Lasher ignoring Pyre "OK we will move on to
Crusader then"
Crusader bows "At your service my lord"
Lasher "From now on Crusader will no longer
be able to attack creatures and people who are
of the good persuation"
Crusaders "Thy will be done my lord"
Retribution "Suckups"
Crusader glares at Retribution
Retribution snickers and then whaps Pyre on
the back of the head.
Pyre"HEY! why did you do that?!?"
Retribution "Because I can"
Lasher "Alrighty then, on to the next clan
disadvantage"
DoH"Waaaahhhh...Wetribution hit me!!"
Lasher Ignores DoH" Crimson is next i
beleive"
Retribution smirking at DoH "Oh goodie"
Crimson steps forward "By Thors Hammer
how may we serve you?"
Retribution "By sticking that hammer up
your...."
Lasher Interupts "YOUR..clan disadvantage
will be no one will take you seriously, no
matter what you do or how successful you
are at raiding, you will never ever be taken
seriously, not to mention your logo will
always be some stupid color scheme that
resembles another clans"
Retribution sighs "Yet another disadvantage
that has always been there"
Pyre"Can i get mine changed? I dont like
mine."
Lasher glares at Pyre"No, and shut up"
Pyre sulks and hides behind DoH.
DoH "Pyre is touching me!! WAAHH!!!"
Retribution "I dont want to know with what or
where"
Crimson sulks and mutters "I always get the
short end of the stick"
Retribution mocks "Waa Waaa Waa Waa
Waa..You sound like chaos"
Chaos Looks up from his book "HEY!"
Hook snores and mutters "Oh Lasher, did i
ever tell you how sexy you look...."
Lasher eyes hook and clears throat "Right..."
Retribution"I think Hook likes you"
Emerald snickers.
Lasher "Ok next we return to Daoine"
Daoine flying around lashers
head."WEEEEEEEEE!!"
Lasher swats at Daoine "From now on,
Daoine will have an intense fear of fly
swatters"
Retribution holding a fly swatter grinning
"Excellent"
Daoine flees in terror "Please dont hurt me!!"
Retribution chases Daoine around the room
with a fly swatter,and smacks daoine on a
wall.
Daoine falls to the ground knocked out, next to hook.
Hook curles up next to daoine and gropes him.
Lasher "Next on the list is Dragon"
Dragon steps forward takes a bow
Lasher"from now on Dragon, You cannot go
by a gold coin with out stopping to pick it up.
You will always lust after gold.'
Dragon "That dosnt sound too bad"
Retribution "Oh goodie, they got themselves
a get rich quick Scheme"
Dragon grins.
Retribution pulls out a hand full of coins"But
i do see some oppertunity for some fun in this"
Retribution tosses the coins across the room.
Dragon runs after them in a fury.
Retribution" I do see how this can benefit me tho."
Lasher "Hmmm....Ok, next on the list is
Tanelorn."
Retribution "Who?"
Lasher "Tanelorn"
Pyre "Never heard of him.."
Lasher "Tanelorn step forward and receive
your disadvantage"
(Utter silence, in the distance a dog barks)
Retribution nudges Emerald "Looks like old
lasher has been puffing on some wacky
tabbacky"
Emerald agrees
Lasher "There is such a thing as Tanelorn, trust me"
Xunti "Infidels"
Retribution "Hey Xunti, go sacrifice a virgin"
Xunti "Ok, come with me Retribution. Nothing
like an infidel virgin to appease the gods"
Retribution "Yeah, what ever"
Lasher "Tanelorn, please step forward"
(More silence)
Lasher sighs"Ok, he may be late, I've give him
his later"
Dragon counting coins "I dont think this
tanelorn even exists"
Retribution "Yeah....Lasher prolly made it up
wile on some shrooms or something, and is
taking it for real"
Lasher Glares at Retribution.
their meeting with Lasher.
Lasher "Alrighty, next on our list is \
outcast"
Retribution "Ooo..Another bunch of
losers"
Pyre "YEAH!"
Emerald "quit sucking up to Retribution"
Pyre "I'm not sucking up to anyone'
Retribution "Yeah, Pyre isnt sucking up to
me, so why dont you be a good little
minion and go sit in the corner with DoH"
DoH "WAAAA!! Why do i get stuck with
Pyre. Waaaa"
Lasher Coughs.
Everyone quiets.
Lasher "Anyways, Outcast"
Outcast step forwards and takes a bow.
Lasher "Your disadvantage is that no one
will like you, and that you cannot travel in
groups with other clans other than
outcast"
Retribution"No one likes them anyways,
kinda like Pyre."
Pyre "HEY!"
Lasher butting in "OK, next is watchmen"
Xunti "More infidels"
Lasher "Watchmen"
Watchmen steps forward "At your service
my lord"
Retribution whispers to Xunti "I know
what they like to do, watchmen"
Xunti glares at Retribution and mutters
something about blood and virgins
Lasher "Watchmen, you can no longer
turn down anyone in need of help, even if
they are your enemies"
Watchmen "We will gladly do our job to
the best of our ability"
Lasher "excellent, next on our list is Light"
Retribution mutters "this should be good"
Hook snores, fondle daoine who starts
giggling.
Lasher "You will always fight evil where
ever it treads. But darkness will be your
enemy. For from now on you will have the
fear of the dark"
Light sighs "Oh great...."
Lasher "the only way you can over come
this fear is that of a great evil or a great
threat, and your fear will go away"
Pyre "Hey can mine go away too"
All the clans "NO!"
Pyre goes and sits in a corner.
DoH sucking on a lollypop. "HI!"
Pyre snatches the lollypop from DoH.
DoH starts to cry.
Retribution "And i thought i was a jerk."
Lasher "Ok Next on the list i Twinlobe"
Twinlobe steps forward.
Lasher"From now on Twinlobe you will
have two minds about everthing. You will
see everything with two thoughts and
must get both thought to agree with a
solution. You understand?"
Twinlobe "Yes sir"
Twinlobe "No Sir"
Retribution "Oh great twice the stupidity"
Twinlobe "We will always be smarter than
you"
Retribution "Just because you solved the
rubics cube dosnt mean your smart"
Twinlobe "Just by your own comments
shows how intelligent you are. We are
leaving."
Twinlobe leaves the meeting.
Hook snores.
Daoine wakes up looks around and starts
buzzing around Retributions Head.
Daoine "WEEEEEEE!!"
Lasher "Ok i think its time to do Baal."
Baal steps forward.
Retribution "this should be good, i have been
waiting to see this one"
Baal glares at retribution.
Lasher "Ok since your clan theme is based off
of Robert Jordans Wheel of Time series, your
clan disadvantes is that all your actions and
everything you do must be written out, with no
detail left out."
Retribution "heh, Robert Jordan couldnt
sneeze in less than six paragraphs."
Pyre "Can i get my clan disadvantage
changed?"
Everyone "NO!"
Pyre storms off leaving the room.
Retribution "What a cry baby"
Lasher glares at Retribution.
Hook snores.
Lasher "OK we now return to Tanelorn."
Silence
Lasher "Tanelorn. Step forward."
Silence. In the distance a wolf howls.
Lasher "Last call for Tanelorn."
Silence still.
Lasher sighs "Ok i guess next we go to is
Druid."
Druid steps forward all covered in leaves.
Druid "How may we be of service?"
Retribution "How about getting some real
clothes than those leaves."
Druid glares at Retribution.
Xunti "Infidels"
Lasher "Druid, you have the skill lifechant.
From now on your disadvantege is that you
cannot use this skill on anyone who is in your
clan. And also, you are no longer allowed to
wear or use anything that is manmade. All you
wear must be all natural."
Retribution fanning his face"He already smells
all natural"
Lasher shakes his head.
Retribution "Well he does!"
Daoine buzzing around Retribution "You smell
all natural your self.
Daoine takes inhales deeply. "You smell like
sweat"
Retribution "Get away from you little freak"
Daoine flies away from retribution and hides
behind Lasher.
Retribution grumbles.
Daoine sticks his tongue out at Retribution.
Lasher "Alrighty then, Next on my list is
Amazon"
Retribution "Alright! Bring on the gals"
Amazon steps forward, and then hold a spear
to retributions neck.
Amazon "How about i bring this one to you"
Retribution sweating "Umm..Ok, i'm
umm...Sorry"
Amazon puts the spear away.
Lasher "Ok, Amazon. When ever your hair or
make-up gets messed up you go into a berserk
rage"
Retribution "they do that now, so whats
different?"
Lasher glares at Retribution "Wait till i get to
yours"
Amazon "So be it, M'lord'
Amazon stalks off.
Retribution "Yeah mine is going to be, You can
kill anyone at any time"
Lasher "Yeah, what ever"
Retribution "We ROX!"
Today will be IMperium, Vanir, and
Retribution.
Lasher "Ok only three more to go."
Retribution "How come i have to be last"
Lasher "Cause no one likes you, altho i
should have done you first so you would
have kept your mouth shut with your stupid
comments during this whole meeting."
Daoine "YEAH!"
Retribution "Yeah what ever, lets get it on.
Who is next?"
Lasher "Imperium"
IMperium "You summoned me?"
Lasher "yes, its time to receive your clan
diadvantage"
Imperium nods
Lasher "Imperium, since you are a family so
then shall the family feel the pain of all the
others in the clan. Who ever gets hurt the
three closest relatives by blood shall feel the
pain."
Retribution "Hmm..Kill One, three more shall
fall with him. I like that."
IMperium "Thats if you can even get close
to killing one of us. Last time i checked we
whooped your butt"
Retribution "Thats cause i let you"
Imperium "Yeah, if thats what you say. If i
remember correctly you were the one on
their knees begging for mercy, and crying to
be spared with mercy. But of course we dont
give mercy to those who dont grant it"
Retribution "What ever you say"
Emerald "Alright kids, Lasher who is next?'
Lasher "Speaking of Kids, Vanir is next"
Xunti "More Infidels"
Hook snores again.
Vanir steps forward shoving Xunti and
Amazon out of the way "Out of my way
dorks"
Lasher "Now now no name calling"
Vanir "YEah what ever"
Lasher "Vanir, Your clan disadvantage will
be that you will bite off more than you can
chew."
Vanir "WHAT?"
Lasher "you heard me."
Vanir "I dont like it"
Retribution "We dont like you"
Vanir "I want something different."
Lasher "Tough, time for you to join Pyre"
Vanir disappears in a puff of smoke.
Lasher "Alright, last but not least
Retribution"
Retribution "Alright! Its about time, i know
mine is going to Rox"
Lasher "Thats what you think"
Retribution snickers.
Lasher "Retribution you are no longer
allowed to raid, Infact your ability to raid will
no longer exist. You will be reduced to a
drool helpless MUDder that you are."
Retribution "WHAT?"
Lasher "Here is a napkin your drooling"
Retribution "you cant dooo thwat to mwee"
Lasher "I'm afraid that i have, when your
clan disadvantage sets in you wont be able
to raid yourself out of a paper bag"
Retribution drooling "Bwut. bwut....where
am i?
Lasher snickers.
Emerald "That should shut him up for once, i
thought his ego was going to burst and
drown us all"
Xunti looks at Retribution "Hmm. He's no
virgin but he will still make a good blood
sacrafice"
Xunti pokes Retribution with a stick.
Lasher "Ok thanks for all of you for coming, i
have one last announcement. All of your
clan disadvantages are no longer in effect.
They will all be transfered to retribution for a
short while."
Everyone cheers
Retribution stares off into space, a pool of
drool surrounds him on the floor.
Lasher "That will be all, Thanks for coming."
Lasher disappears in a cloud of smoke.
Daoine begins to buzz around Retributions
head, he trys to swat him, but misses
everytime.
Daoine "WEEEEEEE!"
Off in the distance the laughter of fairies fills
the air.
The End
