The purpose of this page
is just to make you laugh and smile
because I believe laughter and just
being happy is one of the best remedies
for the mind, body,and soul. So please
sit back and enjoy.
I will be adding to this page as I
get new jokes,and stories etc., so
please if you come across any that you
think I should post please feel free to
email me or post it in my mesage board,
thanks. Now on to the fun.....
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man
to the people mentioned in the will:
""To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me
in rough times, as well as good, I leave her
the house and $2 million."" The lawyer
continued, ""To my daughter Jessica, who looked
after me in sickness and kept the business
going, I leave her the yacht, the business and
$1 million.""
The lawyer concluded, ""And, to my cousin Dan,
who hated me, argued with me, and thought that
I would never mention him in my will - well you
are wrong.
Hi Dan!"
Star Wars Names
To get your Star Wars name, do the
following: 1) Start with the first three
letters of your last name. 2) Add the first two
letters of your first name. 3) Add the first
two letters of your mother's maiden name. 4)
Add the first two letters of the city in which
you were born. 5) Then, you are allowed to
remove one letter to make it sound cool.
Mine is Sanletra
Equal" is not always synonymous with "the
same." Men and women are created equal. But,
boys and girls are not born the same.
1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will
hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a
ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will
hit him in the nose.
2. You dress your little girl in her Easter
Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty
when you finally make it to church an hour
later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday
best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle
from your home to the church, even if you're
driving there.
3. Boys' rooms are usually messy. Girls' rooms
are usually messy, except it's a good smelling
mess.
4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in
wonderment at what nature has made. A baby boy
will pick up a stick and turn it into a gun.
5. When girls play with Barbie and Ken dolls,
they like to dress them up and play house with
them. When boys play with Barbie and Ken dolls,
they like to tear off their appendages.
6. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is
unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter-inch
too short, girls would rather lock themselves
in their room for two weeks than be seen in
public.
7. Baby girls find mommy's makeup and almost
instinctively start painting their face. Baby
boys find mommy's makeup and almost
instinctively start painting the walls.
8. If a girl accidentally burps, she will be
embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he
will follow it with a dozen fake belches.
9. Boys grow their fingernails long because
they're too lazy to cut them. Girls grow their
fingernails long - not because they look nice -
but because they can dig them into a boys arm.
10. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an
early age. At an early age, boys are attracted
to dirt.
11. By the age of 6, boys will stop giving
their dad kisses. By the age of 6, girls will
stop giving their dad kisses unless he bribes
them with candy.
12. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before
boys talk, they learn how to make machine-gun
noises.
13. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie.
Boys will cry if you turn off the VCR after
they've watched "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
movie three times in a row.
14. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into
bigger boys. (Yes!!!)
BLOND JOKE
A young man wanted to get his beautiful
blonde wife something nice for their
first wedding anniversary. So he
decides to buy her a cell phone. She is
all
excited, she loves her phone. He
shows her and explains to her all the
features on the phone.
The next day the blonde goes
shopping. Her phone rings and it's her
husband,
"Hi hon," he says. "How do you like
your new phone?" She replies, "I
just love it, it's so small and your
voice is clear as a bell but there's one
thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the
husband. "How did you know I was at
WalMart?"
This a site worth takeing a look at....
Thoughts on Exercise
The only reason I would take up jogging
is so that I could hear heavy breathing
again.--I joined a health club last
year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't
lost a pound. Apparently the gimmick is
you have to show up.--I have to exercise
in the morning before my brain figures
out what I'm doing.-- I don't exercise
at all. If God meant us to touch our
toes, he would have put them further up
our body.--I like long walks, especially
when they are taken by people who annoy
me.--My grandmother started walking five
miles a day when she was 60. She's 89
now, and we don't know where she is.--I
have flabby thighs, but fortunately my
stomach covers them.--The advantage of
exercising every day is that you die
healthier.-- If you are going to try
cross-country skiing, start with a small
country.--I don't jog. It makes the ice
jump right out of my glass.
Excuses
These are actual excuse notes from
parents (including spelling): My son is
under a doctor's care and should not
take P.E. today. Please execute him.
Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She
was sick and I had her shot. Dear
School: Please ekscuse John being absent
on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She
is administrating. Please excuse Roland
from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of a tree and misplaced his
hip.
John has been absent because he had two
teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was
absent yesterday because he was playing
football. He was hurt in the growing
part.
Megan could not come to school today
because she has been bothered by very
close veins.
Chris will not be in school cus he has
an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray
Friday from school. He has very loose
vowels. Please excuse Tommy for being
absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and
his boots leak.
Irving was absent yesterday because he
missed his bust. Please excuse Jimmy for
being. It was his father's fault. Please
excuse Jennifer for missing school
yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday
paper off the porch, and when we found
it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Sally won't be in school a week from
Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
My daughter was absent yesterday because
she was tired. She spent a weekend with
the Marines.
Please excuse Jason for being absent
yesterday. He had a cold and could not
breed well.
Please excuse Mary for being absent
yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
Gloria was absent yesterday as she was
having a gangover. Please excuse Burma,
she has been sick and under the doctor.
Maryann was absent December 11-16,
because she had a fever, sore throat,
headache and upset stomach. Her sister
was also sick, fever and sore throat,
her brother had a low grade fever and
ached all over. I wasn't the best
either, sore throat and fever. There
must be something going around, her
father even got hot last night.
