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Bumper Stickers

You've heard the saying "Tattooed People Have More Fun", right? Well, here is our fun pages. Full of funny sayings and other things to put a smile on your face or just make you think.

links to other fun pages

We've heard and seen quite a few interesting and funny sayings on bumper stickers and other things of the sort.... Here are the ones we can remember... If anyone is offended by anything you read here, we suggest you skip it and not read it again.:) If you have any to add, email to the addy on the front page. :)~

as seen on various items

(On the back of a biker's t-shirt)If you can read this, the bitch fell off
5 days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
A $1000 stereo will protect a $0.20 fuse by blowing first.
A bad day fishing is still better than a good day working.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A little gray hair is a small price to pay for this much wisdom.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass...
All men are animals, some just make better pets.
Always remember you are unique...Just like everyone else.
A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
Anyone car restore a car, it takes a real man to cut one up.
Anyplace you wake up on top of the dirt is a good place to be.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
Any tool dropped while repairing your rod will roll underneath to the exact center of the car.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Be nice to your kids...they'll choose your nursing home.
Beer is proof that GOD loves us and wants us to be happy.
BEER: it's not just for breakfast anymore
Body by Nautilus; Brain by Mattel
Boldly going nowhere
Chaos, Panic, Disorder, my work here is done.
Born free...Taxed to death.
CAUTION - Driver legally Blonde!
Children are often spoiled cause nobody will spank grandma.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Cover me-I'm changing lanes.
Cowboy foreplay...Get in the pickup!
Damn right I'm good in bed! I can sleep for days!
Dance: the vertical expression of horizontal desire.
Did you know that beating your head against the wall uses 150 calories an hour?
Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you can find a big rock.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
Dirt is for racing, asphalt is for getting there.
Don't annoy the crazy person.
Don't drink and drive...you might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't follow me, I'm lost.
Don't hit me, my lawyers in jail.
Cats, the other white meat.
Don't laugh, it's paid for.
Don't laugh, your daughter might be in this car.
Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Doesn't play well with others.
DON'T STEAL! The IRS doesn't like the competition
Do you want to talk to the man in charge or the woman who knows whats going on?
Driver carries no cash...wife and kids have it all.
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Every solution breeds new problems and every problem cost money.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Fight crime...shoot back
Flying is not dangerous...crashing is dangerous
Forget the Bull...Ride the Cowboy
Friends don't let friends drive naked.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies!
Geezer, formerly know as Studmuffin.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give blood, play hockey
God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
Good judgement comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgement!
Grow your own dope, plant a man.
Gun control is a tight grouping.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
Guns don't kill people, bullets kill people
GUYS: no shirt, no service. GALS: no shirt, no charge.
Hang up and drive!
Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Help wanted telepath. You know where to apply.
Help, I've fallen and I can't reach my beer!
Hey you! Get out of the gene pool!
Honk if anything falls off
Honk if you want to see my finger
Horn broken, watch for finger.
I act this way to make you nuts.
I am out of estrogen and I have a gun.
How the hell did I get this old?
I break for Blondes, Brunettes, and Redheads.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day, tomorrow doesn't look good either.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I do whatever My Rice Krispies tell me to.
I don't have a license to kill....I have a learners permit.
I don't suffer from Insanity, I enjoy every minute of it...
I have a body of a GOD....Buddha
I haven't lost my mind it's backed up on DISK somewhere.
I love CATS....they taste like CHICKEN.
I need someone really bad......Are you really BAD?
I only drink on days that end in Y.
I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
I said "NO" to drugs, but they wouldn't listen.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I used to have a handle on LIFE, but it broke OFF.
I want to do quietly in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror, like his passengers
I'm against animal testing. They just get nervous and give wrong answers.
I'm an imbecile and I vote
I'm just driving this way just to piss you off.
I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying.
I'm on a drinking team with a bowling problem.
I'm one of those bad people that happen to good people.
I'm the person your mother warned you about.
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
IDIOT: a member of a large and very powerful group whose influence over society is dominant
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished.
If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counseling
If everything is coming your way, then you are in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something serious.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
If it has tits or wheels, Its going to give you problems.
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
If sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong.
If there is a possiility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage to your rod will go wrong first.
If there is a really bad time for something to go wrong, that's when it will happen.
If walking is so good for you, then why does the mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast and easy.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
If you build your rod to please everyone, no one will like it, especially you.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
If you can read this, please flip me back over.(seen upsidedown on a jeep)
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
If you don't like my driving, stay off the sidewalk.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you haven't got dirt in your beer, you're not at a real race.
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my underwear.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
Impeach Clinton and her husband.
Interchangeable parts-won't
Impotence: natures way of saying "no hard feelings"
It ain't much, but it's mine.
Its been lovely, but I have to scream NOW.
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there, than up there wishing you were down here.
It's lonely at the top, but you can eat better.
It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger!!
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks your an asshole.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
Knock firmly, but softly....I like soft firm knockers.
Lack of planning on your part, doesn't costitute an emergency on my part.
Learn from mistakes of others, you won't live long enough to make all them yourself.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Especially when you're on a road trip!
Life would be much easier if we could just look at the source code.
Lord give me the strength to put up with the people who are going to piss me off today.
Lord save me from your followers.
Matter can't be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
Money Isn't Everything......But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch.
My Hockey Mom can beat up your Soccer Mom...
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her..or something like that.
Necrophillia:That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity,
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Nondeterminism means never having to say you're wrong.
Nothing about street rodding is as easy as it looks!
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the FIRST time.
Of course I support "Freedom of Speech". I also support my right not to pay attention to Fools.
Only the paranoid survive!
Out of mind...Back in five minutes.
Photocopier: the place where you sit while taking pictures of the moon.
Please Lord, let me be half the person my dog thinks I am.
Please tell your pants its not polite to point!
Poverty is owning a racecar.
Practice safe sex, Go screw yourself.
Protected by Smith & Wesson
Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.
Racecar spelled backwards is Racecar
Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope wih drugs.
Real men don't ask for directions.
Remember, as crabby as I may be, I am always holding back.
Remember folks....Stop lights timed for 35MPH are also timed at 70MPH.
Remember when sex was safe and hotrods where dangerous?
Retired and spending my kids inheritence.
Save a tree...Eat a beaver
Save the trees....wipe your butt with an owl
Save your Breath..You'll need it to blow up your date!
Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
Science without religion is lame...Religion without science is blind.
Smile, it confuses people.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips
Snatch a kiss or vice versa.
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
So your a feminist... Isn't that cute!
Some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue.
Some days you are the windsheild other days you are the bug.
Sometimes I wake up GRUMPY, other times I leave her sleep.
Son, if all I had to drive was that car, I'd park it and ride the bus.
Still playing with cars, after all these years!
STOP repeat offenders...Don't re-elect them!
STOP TALKING! I'm out of Aspirin.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view of all your rodding buddies.
Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
Sure you can trust the Government! Just ask an Indian!
The ARMY said I am all I can be!
The day you finish your street rod, amother project car will show up on your doorstep.
The definition of Manic Depresive is "Easy Glum, Easy Glow"!
The Earth is Full-Go Home!
The face is familiar, but I can't quite remember my name.
The large print givith and the small print taketh away.
The more I learn about women, the more I love my racecar.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The sex was so good, even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The trouble with fool-proof systems, is, that fools are so damned ingenious.
There are two sides to every divorce...mine and shitheads.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither of them work.
There's enver time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
There's too much blood in my alchohol system.
This would be really funny if it were not happening to me.
Those who can-do. Those who can't-teach. Those who can't teach-manage.
Those who hoot with the owels by night, should not fly with the eagles by day.
Time is the best teacher. Unfortuatley it kills all its students.
To all you virgins...thanks for nothing.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Under the Democrats, man expoits man.
Unless you are naked, don't touch this car.
Very funny, Scotty, Now beam down my clothes.
WARNING! Driver carries only $20 in ammunition
Warning! I have an attitude and know how to use it!
We are born naked, wet, and hungry...then things get worse.
We have enough youth...how about a fountain of smart?
What had four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull!
What if Hokey-Pokey really is what it's all about?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Whwn building a rod, everything always takes longer than you think.
When in doubt...throw money at it.
Whenever you set out to work on your rod, your wife will always find something else for you to do first.
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?
where there's a will...I want to be in it
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard drive?
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids instead of "assterhoids"?
Wink, I'll do the rest.
Yeh, though I walk through the valley of death, I fear no evil, for I am the meanest son of a bitch in the valley...
Yes, this is my pickup. No, I won't help you move.
You are depriving some poor village of it's IDIOT.
You better buy me another drink...you're still ugly.
You cannot propell yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
You have the right to remain silent, so SHUT UP!
YOU! Out of the gene pool!
You'll always get notified that the part you have been patienly waiting for is permanently out of stock the day after you could have bought it at the swap meet
You're just jelous because the voices only talk to me!
You're the reason I'm medicated.
Your child may be an honor student, but you're still an idiot.
Your proctologist caled...they found your head.
Your ridiculous oppinion has been noted.
Your village called, their idiot is missing.
Why will the battle of the sexes never be won? cuz there is too much fraternization.