Hey everyone,

Hope all is well back in the States. Things are going great out here in Europe. I've finally finished eating all my Old Spice deodorant. My whole body smells great now. I've been sweating Old Spice for days. I can't wait to meet some sailor girls. I hear they like the Old Spice.

Javier and I have been having a great time traveling together. We're actually in London, England, right now. This place is great. Everyone sounds like James Bond (or Austin Powers for all those born in the 80's). Just as a note though, the girls here don't like when you ask them to shag. They prefer it when you say hump. I miss humping. On a good note, Javier has been humping like a rock star...I mean like a monkey rock star. It's funny Javier will just walk up to girls (monkeys or people) and start humping. So I gave it a whirl, and you guessed it, nothing but a slap. I guess the females really go for his sty-low. He's a player monkey for sure.

Javier and I decided to go to the ball game in London. Unfortunately, instead of playing baseball, everyone plays soccer here. I hate soccer. When I was five I got hit in the Mr. Winkie with a soccer ball. Soccer balls scare me. Anything dealing with kicking balls scares me. I hate soccer and ball kicking. Javier on the other hand likes soccer. He likes playing with balls. He's always rubbing his. If he wasn't a monkey I'm sure he would be a great soccer player. He certainly is a player.

Best wishes,
Mr. B.