Episode

1

Roses Can't
Get Married,

DUH

BLACK GUY: OMFG, why are you crying?

BLACK GIRL: I don't want to live or something gaseous like that cuz my parents, like, died and stuff. So go away.

BLACKGUY: I can't go away or something until I give you this ring this that a rose graffittied on and stuff, so here. Check ya later, yeah.

BLACK GIRL: Oh, cool, I'm engaged and stuff. Dude, I shouldn't die anymore.

So the girl fell in love with the guy because she drank Love Potion No.9 or something stupid like that, and she wanted to be a freaky prematurely gray black guy, too. Cuz he was a prince and stuff. But the skinny shadow freaks can't figure out if it was a good idea or something.

Episode One: Roses Can't Get Married, Duh.

It's, like, a million years later and that black girl isn't black anymore. She's all tall and stuff and beating some kind of queer basketball team, but she's having a hard time because there's a bunch of rose petals in her eyes and her name is Utena and stuff. And this girl with, like, a gigantic cranial forehead is getting mad because the Utena's playing basketball and not, like, waiting for her or something. So the girl, Wakaba or something tries to throw Utena out a window, but luckily her A+ in PE saves her from the fall. And then the homicidal freak goes:

WAKABA: I love you and stuff, you should die.

UTENA: Shut up, OMG, I'm trying to, like, sniff the roses down there. Hey, who's that totally sausage-filled dude who's, like, holding the other dude's hand?

WAKABA: That's Touga. The other dude's Saionji and stuff, you retard, I can't believe you don't know him or anything.

UTENA: What about that, like, pile of goo on the floor, is she, like, his girlfriend or something?

WAKABA: WTF??? No way, bald crap, Saionji is too perfect and totally in love with me to have a girl with that disfigured rash of a face as, like, a girlfriend and stuff. She's Anthy, she just waters the roses and talks to hybrid monkeys or something totally lame like that.

UTENA: Me like roses.

And then it's, like, later in the day, and that sausage Touga is talking about chickens with Saionji and these two totally craptastic punk-rockers with weird hair and stuff. Touga, like says:

TOUGA: Saionji, you butt-wipe, stop hitting the Rose Bride and stuff.

ANTHY: No, we like rough sex.

SAIONJI: Amen..or something totally agreeable like that. Bye, mouth- sucker.

PUNK #1: That Saionji is, like, totally NOT a radical pumpkin.

But then Saionji, like, publicly humiliates Wakaba or something totally gay like that, so Utena's all like:

UTENA: You freakishly giraffe-like M&M, I'll kill your egotistical hair or something.

SAIONJI: OMG, you're, like, a stud-festival like me. Ok, I'll kick your butt in the forest tomorrow.

UTENA: You flaming moron, the one that nobody's allowed in?

So she, like, goes into the forest and gets poison ivy or something, so she's totally pissed-off and stuff, and she sees this huge door and, like, tries to open it, but it's locked. But Utena, who likes to spit or something, flips some kind of corny switch and water comes and massages these gears or something, so the door opens and.yeah. So she walks up these totally vertically-equipped stairs and stuff and sees Saionji at the top. There's this toenail snot of a castle floating in the sky and stuff, so she goes:

UTENA: What is that, and why does it look so, like, totally suggestive?

SAIONJI: It's a mirage and stuff, so shut up and, like, admire my ring. It's cooler than yours. Anthy, slap a rose on this queer's chest so we can, like, go home and stuff.

ANTHY: If your rose, like, dies, you're stupid and you lose, man. But, like, your teeth are straighter, so I hope you win or something.

SAIONJI: Lies!

UTENA: Stop hitting that freak with a crown, PWA, I'll kick your maximus toosh of a fish to the moon and back.

SAIONJI: OMFG, you won't.

So, they, like, fight, and Saionji cuts Utena's sword into some kind of half of itself or something, but she wins anyway, and Anthy starts, like, stalking her. So does Touga, because fires apparently make him think of total queers with Latin names. But Saionji is still mad and challenges Utena to, like, a rematch or something, and Anthy's all like:

ANTHY: You accepted another duel, and next time you don't have to use that wart of a bamboo sword, you can, like, use me instead. I didn't know you cared and stuff.

UTENA: I don't care about you, I've fallen, like, totally in love with your monkey thing.

END

To be continued after the spinning ending theme and stuff.