Episode

5

SunnyGardens Can't Have a Grand Finale, DUH

Episode Five: Sunny Gardens Can't Have A Grand Finale, Duh

Two people are fencing in this, like, overly huge room that might as well be a glass house for all the viewer cares.

JURI: Watch out, I'm about to hit you with this really long glow stick!

MIKI: Ohhh, no ya won't.

MYSTERIOUS BACKGROUND GIRLY VOICES: No! Miki just poked Juri's boob! She lost!

JURI: You suck at fencing, that's why you beat me. I think it's because you're in love with that ethnically-challenged chick.

MIKI: Posh.

So Miki goes away like some kind of sore-winner or something totally oxymoronish like that, and he spots Anthy who's, like, just staring at this bush of roses like some kind of boring beaver.

MIKI: I've watered your watering can for you.

ANTHY: Oh, so that's where my watering can went. Thanks, Miki. Would you like me to water your feet to make them bigger or something totally idiotic like that?

MIKI: Shh, the ceiling is reminding me of a piano.

Suddenly, Utena prances in on them smiling at each other or something totally non-productive of the sort.

UTENA: Darn it, Chuchu. Would you quit unicycling on that Sprite can and wait up for me or something? -Oh, sorry, were you two having a corny romantic moment....?

Chuchu: Chu.

Later, the four of them go to the music room and watch Anthy play the piano because she likes to press buttons or something.

MIKI: Don't mean to brag, but I SO totally wrote that song with my sister.

UTENA: Quit lying, tooth brain. It's a famous song or something.

MIKI: We played with the piano as our toy and ended up composing a masterpiece like some kind of serendipity mushroom.

ANTHY: ...Let's think about that one for a moment.

MIKI: But then I killed it.

UTENA: Right. I knew you were a pyromaniac.

Suddenly, a bunch of black people show up for a flashback.

BLACK MIKI: Concert!

BLACK SISTER: NEVER! I'd screw up or something because I don't know how to play the piano.

BLACK MIKI: Sure ya do. I'll be sitting right next to you or something cuz it'd be stupid if they gave us separate benches.

BLACK BIRDS: We signify organ flourishes.

BLACK MIKI: I suddenly got the measles. Sorry, sis, you're on your own.

BLACK SISTER: Neeeeeuuuuuu.

The black people sidle inconspicuously away, for the flashback is, like, over and stuff.

MIKI: My sister never played the piano after that. I loved that garden. I loved that piano. I loved that sister. I loved-

UTENA: Ay, Dios mios, there he goes again.....

MIKI: I lost my piano feeling or something, man! But I found it again! Here, in Himemiya's piano or somewhere totally random like that!

UTENA: "It" being the fact that it's a century-old piece of crap or something reality-hitting like that?

ANTHY: So, Utena, when are we going to get married?

UTENA: Shut up!

Later, Miki and, like, the other two punks are talking about chickens AGAIN, and Miki goes:

MIKI: I don't want the duels to continue or something totally self- righteous and impossible like that.

TOUGA: No.

JURI: Mind if I eat that apple? My dorm is in famine season or something totally Alaskaish like that.

The next day or something, Miki tackles his sister like some kind of accurate football player and she goes:

KOZUE: Your papers. They, like, fell.

MIKI: Bug off, bugger.

KOZUE: Fine. Hey, you two! Pretend like you know me!

YOU TWO: Good morning.

So Miki walks into the music room and Touga is there with his shirt unbuttoned. He goes:

TOUGA: Oh, are you here to have sex with me as well?

MIKI: I'll kill you or something.

ANTHY: Sorry to intrude. My skirt's way too short, don't you think?

TOUGA: You should duel, Mickey. Or something totally against your morals like that. Because you want to take Himemiya as your own whipable personal slave, too.

So Anthy and Miki get mad and shoo Touga off and start to play the piano. Miki goes:

MIKI: I bet you were pretty as a kid or something. Dunno what happened to your face along the way, though. Kind of like my sister.

ANTHY: Wow, you're too kind.

MIKI: I'm assuming you like the piano or something?

ANTHY: No, I just spend all of my spare time playing it to trigger your sad childhood memories and get you to duel Utena so that I can get away from her. She NEVER makes the freaking beds.

MIKI: You're so clever. Would you play for me again or something?

ANTHY: If the pink bubble says so.

MIKI: How 'bout if I ask you to play tomorrow or something totally stupid like that since I know what the answer's gonna be anyway?

ANTHY: If the pink bubble says so.

MIKI: Do you have to get Utena's permission for everything?

ANTHY: If the pink bubble says so.

MIKI: Would you stop playing the piano if she asked you or something totally symbolic and close to my heart like that?

ANTHY: Dude, if the pink bubble says so. Get it through your greasy little head.

Suddenly, Miki has a flashback of Touga draped in pink, silky sheets. He decides to duel. He tells Anthy:

MIKI: Never fear! I will protect your gigantic scrub n' bubbles can of wonderful piano playing and stuff!

ANTHY: Gee, thanks so much.

So Miki goes to Utena's classroom since he magically knows where it is and all the girls go:

GIRLS: He's so fine!

UTENA: Hey, Miki! I don't feel quite so retarded now, thanks for tutoring me or something that I already previously thanked you for!

WAKABA: Miki was your tutor? ...Darn it, now I owe myself five dollars.

MIKI: Look at my rose and tremble in fear.

UTENA: Ohh, crap and stuff. You know what this means.

So it's the evening and the skinny shadow freaks come out to do a symbolic skit or something:

SHADOW FREAK #1: I'm a pirate. Look at my mighty row boat.

SHADOW FREAK #2: What's the thing you really, REALLY want?

SHADOW FREAK #1: Ummmm..

SHADOW FREAK #2: Whoops, we've sprug a leak or something totally lethal and deadly like tha-gurggle.

So Utena walks up this gigantic stair case which isn't fair because she starts to get a stitch in her side or something. So this R&B music starts playing and she yanks a metal object out of Anthy's chest. Miki goes:

MIKI: I'll so totally beat you. Juri told me so.

UTENA: Nonsense, rabbit breath, you're doomed to eternal piano-playing.

JURI, FROM AFAR: Dude, she, like, knows his secret.

So Utena and Miki start to, like, duel, and Miki's all determined and Utena's all breathing hard and Anthy goes:

ANTHY: Yo, Miki! Over here! I'm distracting you!

MIKI: Wha--?

UTENA: Hah! Defeatedddd.....

JURI, FROM AFAR: Woah, he was defeatedddd.....

UTENA: That'll teach ya, you blue-haired lava lamp.

MIKI: Why doesn't anybody love me.?

ANTHY: I still feel stupid. Tutor me again?

Meanwhile, Kozue's playing the piano all crappily and she's explaining all to this random girl:

KOZUE: A neighbor of mine wrote me a love letter once. It said "Dude, not only are you hot, but maaan. Your piano playing is awesome! Man!"

RANDOM GIRL: What? You suck at playing the piano.

KOZUE: I know. I never played the piano, it was always Miki sitting next to me who played or something totally fibular like that. But when we had to do that concert and he was sick and stuff, I couldn't play, so I stopped practicing.

RANDOM GIRL: Your bro's so cool, dude.

KOZUE: Dude, when a dude dudes you, you gotta dude that dude back, dude.

RANDOMGIRL: Duuuuude.

Later, Miki walks up to Wakaba and Utena, who, like, has her butt sticking out for some weird reason or something.

WAKABA: And then what happened--?

MIKI: Shut up, you. I'll quote Saionji and say that I was careless yesterday. I won't lose to you next time, fur ball.

UTENA: Wuh-oh.

END

To be continued after Dios's small cape stops flapping in the breeze.