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Pick-up
Lines
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(not all of them you should
use.... EVER!!)
I recently came across an
interesting statistic:
Men who were successful when they used the pickup line
"Hi": 71%
Women who were successful when they used the pickup line
"Hi": 100%
- He:
I'm a really good cook!
She: What do you cook best?
He: Breakfast in bed! (grins)
- Let's
do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?
- Nice
dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?
- The
best part of me is covered up.
(works best If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy
outfit)
- Is your
daddy a thief?
No.
Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?
- Your
eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
- Your
eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
- Guy
goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the
shoulder, and then
touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and
says:
How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?
- I'm
looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
- Mmmm,
you bring new meaning to the word "edible".
- She: I
really enjoyed myself tonight.
He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our
bodies enjoy each other.
- That's
a cute outfit. It would be even cuter wrinkled on my
bedroom floor
- Wanna
fuck like bunnies?
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- Hi, I'm
new in town. Which way is it to your house?
- he had
cards that said:
Here I am, madly in love with you, on the verge of killing
myself for your love
and I don't even know your NAME__________ PHONE________
- At the
office copy machine:
"Reproducing, eh? Can I help?"
- She (to
passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy?
- Say
mother! Want another? (if she has children)
- Stand
back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen
her clothes.
- Your
place or mine?
- This is
your lucky day, because I just happen to be single
- If I
told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_
against me?
- How
about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
- Forget
that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play
gynecologist.
- I'm on
fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
- I would
die happy if I saw you naked just once
- I'd
look good on you.
(im gonna remind you here that these are actually things
people said when trying to "pick up" a chik)
- Sex is
a killer...want to die happy?
- Hi, I
just moved to this city and was wondering if you could
recommend a good
restaurant here. Would you also like to join me?
- I had a
wet dream about you last night. Would you like to make it
a reality?
- He:
Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods
feed you these little pickles?
She: No.
He: Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it
will be only one Greek
god (point to yourself, then look down at your
crotch) and I won't be feeding you little pickles.
- I
looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and
your name was
included.
- "I'd
like to get something straight between us."
- Wanna
Dance?
No!
Wanna Drink?
No!
Wanna Fuck?
Yes (pause) but not with you
- I had
sex with someone last night. Was that you?
- Where's
My Library Card cuz im checkin you out. (from my bro)
- For a
fat chick, you sure have small tits.
- Gee,
you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
- Do you
take it up the bum
- He:
Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in
you?
She: Uh...no....
He: Well, do you want some?
- You
know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my
erection.
- Pardon
me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I
was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
- Hi, do
you know why you should masturbate with *these* two
fingers?
(holding up any two)
Obvious reply: No, why?
Because they're mine.
- Wow!
Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind
me of myself?
- Would
you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
- When's
our wedding date?
- Hey
Baby, Lets make some babies.
- Would
you like to see my boa constrictor?
- Is that
a false nose?
- You
look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
- I'm
drunk
- Hi, my
friends call me Creepy.
- Would
you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
- I just
threw up
- You're
ugly but you intrigue me.
- I had
to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like
that
- He:
Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
She (sheepishly): Yes.
He: Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
He: We've established what kind of woman that you are,
we're just haggling
over the price.
- I think
we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels
NOW!
- If this
bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
- Walk
over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your willy
and say:
Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
- I'll
suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out
of your ass when
I'm finished.
- Motion
your finger to a girl to get her to come your way. When
she arrives
say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough, you would
come.
- God
must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
- I've
had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look
pretty good.
- If you
ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I
want.
- Do you
believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know
what I'm here
after.
- I'm
really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look
ravishing in black,
did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub.
Are the straps too
tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
- You
know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it
appears someone beat
me to it.
- Excuse
me, but you have a beep on your nose.
What?
(reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP.
(If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny,
apologize.)
- She:
What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of
clothing)?
He: I like nothing better.
- Hi, the
voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
- Let's
take a shower together, you smell
- Want to
come see my hard drive? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and
it ain't
floppy.
- Cold
outside, isn't it? (staring at breasts)
- I'm
filthy rich and have only six weeks to live. Will you
help me make these
next few weeks the happiest days of my life?
- Love is
like a rug. So you can walk all over me and lie on me.
- Excuse
me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
No.
Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
- Weren't
you a woman the last time we met?
- Do you
sleep on your stomach?
No.
Can I?
-
Gorgeous hair. But it'd be even better brushing against
my thighs.
- That's
a nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you're
wearing.
- What
nice legs you've got. I wouldn't mind wearing them as a
belt, or neck tie
if you prefer
- Are
your legs tired because you've been running through my
mind all day?
- Hi, I
work as a raw meat inspector. Let's go to your place for
an inspection.
- I think
my medication is wearing off.
- You
MUST have a nice personality.
- Hi, my
name's Dave. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later
tonight!
- I love
every bone in your body. Especially mine
- Got a
soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
- You
know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the
other women (or men) look really bad.
- He:
Hey! How about we go to my house, have some pizza, beer,
and a fuck?
She: (grimaces)
He: What's the matter? Don't like pizza?
- He:
Excuse me, want to dance?
She: No.
He: Maybe you didn't hear me... I said you look really
fat in those pants
-
Gee...you sure don't perspire much!
- I'm
sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my
deodorant?
- Screw
me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me, don't you?
- Is your
dad a baker?
No.
If not, where did you get those buns?
- Oh no,
I'm choking! I need mouth to mouth, quick!
- Do you
always eat like that?
- What's
a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
- Did you
hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?
- Guy
walks up to a girl in bar, slides his arm around her. She
looks at him as
he says, "Hi Kate." She says, "I'm not Kate." His hand
slips lower as he
says, "But you sure feel like her."
- Look at
the tag on the back of a girl's shirt. When she turns
around, say,
"Just checking to see if you were made in heaven."
- Is it
hot in here, or is it just you?
- Do you
have a mirror in your pocket?
No, why?
Because I can sure see myself in your pants!
- I think
you would look especially beautiful with your eyes closed
(dramatic pause) in my bed"
- Are you
cold? You should be; you've been naked in my mind all
night.
- I want
to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
- The
word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and
spread the word.
- All
those curves, and me with no brakes.
- Excuse
me, can you give me directions?
To where?
To your heart.
- I miss
my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
- (Tap
your thigh) You just think this is my leg.
- Hey,
baby, wanna play "Paul Revere" and ride my pony?
- I know
a charming little motel with a cheap hourly rate
- Guy:
What's your name?
Girl: Danielle
Guy: Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite
- I'm a
starving artist and I want to eat you
- You are
the proof that God has a sense of humor
- If you
were a machine, you'd be out of order by the time I was
done with you.
·
Life without you
is like a broken pencil... it has no point
He: So, wanna go back to
my place?
She: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?
He: I'd really like to get into your pants.
She: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
He: I'd like to call you.
What's your number?
She: It's in the phone book.
He: But I don't know your name.
She: That's in the phone book too.
Q: Wha'dya say to a little
fuck?
A: Go away, little fuck
Q: What sign were you born
under?
A: No Parking
A guy comes up to a girl and
tells her some pickup line. She grabs his crotch,
looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I
don't see any
potential here" and nonchalantly walks off. (i wil use this
one!!!)
He: How do you like your
eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized, fuck off!
After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
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