Pick-up Lines

(not all of them you should use.... EVER!!)
I recently came across an interesting statistic:

Men who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi":  71%
Women who were successful when they used the pickup line "Hi":  100%

• He:  I'm a really good cook!
  She: What do you cook best?
  He:  Breakfast in bed!  (grins)
• Let's do breakfast tomorrow.  Should I call you or nudge you?
• Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?
• The best part of me is covered up.
  (works best If wearing swim trunks, a bikini, or a skimpy outfit)
• Is your daddy a thief?
  No.
  Then who stole those diamonds and put them in your eyes?
• Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
• Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
• Guy goes up to a girl, licks his finger, touches her on the shoulder, and then
  touches himself (all this while she is watching him) and says:
  How about you and I get out of these wet clothes?
• I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
• Mmmm, you bring new meaning to the word "edible".
• She: I really enjoyed myself tonight.
  He: I enjoyed myself too. Maybe sometime we can let our bodies enjoy each other.
• That's a cute outfit.  It would be even cuter wrinkled on my bedroom floor
• Wanna fuck like bunnies?  
• Hi, I'm new in town.  Which way is it to your house?
• he had cards that said:
  Here I am, madly in love with you, on the verge of killing myself for your love
  and I don't even know your  NAME__________  PHONE________
• At the office copy machine:
  "Reproducing, eh?  Can I help?"
• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy?
• Say mother!  Want another?  (if she has children)
• Stand back, I'm a doctor.  You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.
• Your place or mine?
• This is your lucky day, because I just happen to be single
• If I told you that you have a nice body, would you hold _IT_ against me?
• How about the hair on my head and the hair between your legs?
• Forget that!  Playing doctor is for kids!  Let's play gynecologist.
• I'm on fire.  Can I run through your sprinkler?
• I would die happy if I saw you naked just once
• I'd look good on you.
  (im gonna remind you here that these are actually things people said when trying to "pick up" a chik)
• Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
• Hi, I just moved to this city and was wondering if you could recommend a good
  restaurant here.  Would you also like to join me?
• I had a wet dream about you last night.  Would you like to make it a reality?
• He:  Have you ever had one of those fantasies where Greek gods feed you these little pickles?
  She: No.
  He:  Well, I'll have to show you what one is like, but it will be only one Greek
       god (point to yourself, then look down at your crotch) and I won't be feeding you little pickles.
• I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was
  included.
• "I'd like to get something straight between us."
• Wanna Dance?
  No!
  Wanna Drink?
  No!
  Wanna Fuck?
  Yes (pause) but not with you
• I had sex with someone last night.  Was that you?
• Where's My Library Card cuz im checkin you out. (from my bro)
• For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
• Gee, you don't sweat much for a fat chick.
• Do you take it up the bum
• He:  Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?
  She: Uh...no....
  He:  Well, do you want some?
• You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.
• Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
• Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers?
  (holding up any two)
  Obvious reply: No, why?
  Because they're mine.
• Wow!  Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?
• Would you like to dance, or should I go fuck myself again?
• When's our wedding date?
• Hey Baby, Lets make some babies.
• Would you like to see my boa constrictor?
• Is that a false nose?
• You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
• I'm drunk
• Hi, my friends call me Creepy.
• Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?
• I just threw up
• You're ugly but you intrigue me.
• I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that
• He:  Would you sleep with me for 20 million dollars?
  She (sheepishly): Yes.
  He:  Well then, would you sleep with me for 20 cents?
  She: No, what kind of woman do you think I am?
  He:  We've established what kind of woman that you are, we're just haggling
  over the price.
• I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
• If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
• Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your willy and say:
  Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize?
• I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when
  I'm finished.
• Motion your finger to a girl to get her to come your way.  When she arrives
  say, "I knew if I fingered you long enough, you would come.
• God must have been in a very good mood the day we met.
• I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
• If you ever want to see your children again, you'll do what I want.
• Do you believe in the hereafter?  Well, then I guess you know what I'm here
  after.
• I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black,
  did you know that?  What you need now is a nice backrub.  Are the straps too
  tight, darling?  How tragic.  How very, very tragic.
• You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears someone beat
  me to it.
• Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
  What?
  (reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP.
  (If she laughs, she's yours; if she looks at you funny, apologize.)
• She: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, article of clothing)?
  He:  I like nothing better.
• Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
• Let's take a shower together, you smell
• Want to come see my hard drive?  I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't
  floppy.
• Cold outside, isn't it?  (staring at breasts)
• I'm filthy rich and have only six weeks to live.  Will you help me make these
  next few weeks the happiest days of my life?
• Love is like a rug.  So you can walk all over me and lie on me.
• Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers?
  No.
  Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.
• Weren't you a woman the last time we met?
• Do you sleep on your stomach?
  No.
  Can I?
• Gorgeous hair.  But it'd be even better brushing against my thighs.
• That's a nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you're wearing.
• What nice legs you've got.  I wouldn't mind wearing them as a belt, or neck tie
  if you prefer
• Are your legs tired because you've been running through my mind all day?
• Hi, I work as a raw meat inspector.  Let's go to your place for an inspection.
• I think my medication is wearing off.
• You MUST have a nice personality.
• Hi, my name's Dave.  Remember it, you'll be screaming it later tonight!
• I love every bone in your body.  Especially mine
• Got a soggy bun for a lonely weenie?
• You know, you might be asked to leave soon.  You're making the other women (or men) look really bad.
• He:  Hey!  How about we go to my house, have some pizza, beer, and a fuck?
  She: (grimaces)
  He:  What's the matter?  Don't like pizza?
• He:  Excuse me, want to dance?
  She: No.
  He:  Maybe you didn't hear me...  I said you look really fat in those pants
• Gee...you sure don't perspire much!
• I'm sensing the intense feeling you have for me...is it my deodorant?
• Screw me if I am wrong, but you want to fuck me, don't you?
• Is your dad a baker?
  No.
  If not, where did you get those buns?
• Oh no, I'm choking!  I need mouth to mouth, quick!
• Do you always eat like that?
• What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
• Did you hurt yourself when you fell from heaven?
• Guy walks up to a girl in bar, slides his arm around her.  She looks at him as
  he says, "Hi Kate."  She says, "I'm not Kate."  His hand slips lower as he
  says, "But you sure feel like her."
• Look at the tag on the back of a girl's shirt.  When she turns around, say,
  "Just checking to see if you were made in heaven."
• Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
• Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
  No, why?
  Because I can sure see myself in your pants!
• I think you would look especially beautiful with your eyes closed (dramatic pause) in my bed"
• Are you cold?  You should be; you've been naked in my mind all night.
• I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
• The word of the day is "legs."  Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
• All those curves, and me with no brakes.
• Excuse me, can you give me directions?
  To where?
  To your heart.
• I miss my teddy bear.  Would you sleep with me?
• (Tap your thigh) You just think this is my leg.
• Hey, baby, wanna play "Paul Revere" and ride my pony?
• I know a charming little motel with a cheap hourly rate
• Guy:  What's your name?
  Girl: Danielle
  Guy:  Oh... I thought it was Aphrodite
• I'm a starving artist and I want to eat you
• You are the proof that God has a sense of humor
• If you were a machine, you'd be out of order by the time I was done with you.

·         Life without you is like a broken pencil... it has no point

 He:  So, wanna go back to my place?
She: Well, I don't know.  Will two people fit under a rock?

He:  I'd really like to get into your pants.
She: No thanks.  There's already one asshole in there.

He:  I'd like to call you.  What's your number?
She: It's in the phone book.
He:  But I don't know your name.
She: That's in the phone book too.

Q: Wha'dya say to a little fuck?
A: Go away, little fuck

Q: What sign were you born under?
A: No Parking

A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pickup line.  She grabs his crotch,
looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I don't see any
potential here" and nonchalantly walks off. (i wil use this one!!!)

He:  How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized, fuck off!

After hearing a pickup line:
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.