Much as Clive admired this form of "extreme closure", the preeety explosion also had the unfortunate side effect of leaving Clive without any alcohol (it all burned up during the event of "closure".) Clive mooched home, an unfortunate air of sobriety about him, and sat down miserably to watch the TV. He happened to flick over to Tour De France, and for some reason, decided to stay on the channel. Giant squids aren't really included in the target audience for the Tour De France, and so it didn't really excite Clive overmuch... until the award ceremony. The winner of the event received the biggest bottle of champagne Clive had ever seen in his squiddly life (and believe me, Clive has seen some bottles of bubbly.) Clive's giant squid brain immediately jumped to the obvious conclusion... the way to get alcohol... he would enter the tour de france. And win.
The very next day, Clive was on his way to the location of the next stage of "Le Tour", which happened to be in the mountains. Rather than risk using up too much energy on the ride (energy he needed for later consumption of alcohol) Clive hitched a ride in one of the team cars with the bikes on top. (He threatened the driver at crossbow-point.)
When the finish line neared, Clive got out of the car, stole one of the bikes from the top, hopped on it, and sprinted across the finish line a full 15 minutes before any of the other cyclists. There was a lot of controversy over the win; everyone knew he'd cheated, but since there was nothing in the rules referring to giant squids, and they weren't prepared to invoke Clive's wrath, it was decided that he should receive the prize anyway.
Clive was very pleased with his prize; the yellow jersey he was presented with didn't fit, and the stuffed lion was dispatched directly (he burned it in a big fire) but the alcohol was very much appreciated. Within 20 minutes he had consumed it, and was feeling at peace with the world, and the expression, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle", never had quite the same effect afterwards.
