Clive doesn't watch TV very often, but you'll understand how he was a little tired from the strenuous activities of the day, and so was just flicking through aimlessly (every channel being as bad as the next).
For some reason, he stopped on Delia Smith's latest cookery show; perhaps he was captivated by the truly dull layout of the programme, or possessed by some mad urge to count the number of wrinkles on the old woman's face. Whatever the reason, Clive became interested in the programme.
Unfortunately, the theme of the programme happened to be seafood... and one of the items on the menu: Grilled Squid. Clive sat horrified, watching the crazy, wrinkled, and quite probably senile chef-creature slice a number of deceased baby squids in half, before literally throwing them onto a grill, legs and all.
Clive was not seated for long. He was down the pub, conveying his disgust to his "cronies" (by etch a sketch and demented gestures) within 10 minutes of viewing the item. It was decided that since Delia was such a well known figure in Britain, it would not be wise to "disappear" her, or even injure her, lest they draw attention to themselves... but as it happenned, one of Clive's drinking buddies had connections in the media, and knew one of Delia's camera crew...
During the filming of a subsequent series, there were reports of a tragic incident featuring the lowering of one of the crew's portaloos onto one of Delia's sleeping cats. This was obviously very distressing for Delia, fatal for the poor moggy, and hilarious for the world in general (or anyway, that very small portion of it who had been informed.)
However, it did lend the cat a kind of legendary death, and a noble memory; future generations will always remember Delia's cat, the unwise and unlucky moggy, who was flattened by a toilet; and possibly, some will even compare him to Elvis, who died in a toilet. Maybe. Somewhere...
Disclaimer: I'm not necessarily suggesting that Clive was anything to do with this, at all... oh no. Whatever link you might have made between the two unconnected events is incidental, and is but heresay evidence in a court of law...
(When you live with a 40 foot giant squid who crushes goats, sinks birds and generally furthers extinction of wildlife, disclaimers are necessary.) Back to main Clive page...
