Have you ever wondered if *NSYNC wasn't, well... *NSYNC? Ever wonder if the stories that the boys are telling in all of the interviews in magazines and on TV are true? Well I know for a fact that they are not! I was visiting in New York one day and I stumbled across my dear Joey Fatone, whom I saw eating at a local cafe. It's amazing how much you can get out of a person when you have them tied up with ho-ho's dangling above their head... anyway I got all of the member's REAL life histories out of him, and I thought it would only be fair to share them with other fans, so here you go! The REAL *N Sync...
Alrightie, All you crazy Chris fans out there want to know the real deal on this wild boy don't you? Well it turns out that this "wild" person right here was in fact, raised in the wild. It turns out that Chris is actually half human half rat (You can see the resemblance, can't you?), the result of a lab experiment gone haywire. He was actually born in a secret laboratory deep in the darkest jungles of Africa. He managed to get to the shore somehow at what researchers think was an age of 7. From there, he hopped on a America-bound boat which dropped him off somewhere on the East coast. His "parents" found him in a dark alley in the red-light district of what he calls his "hometown" today. They took him in, taught him English, and took care of him, and he became known around town as Chris. They noticed also that at an early age, he began to make very distinct high pitched noises. They took him to a vocal coach and figured that they could re-channel this secret power, and Chris learned how to turn these high-pitched noises into song. Also, from all of the rehab that he recieved at an early age, Chris has been able to maintain a normal life, although sometimes he is known for his "wildness."
Ahhhh, JC, the bouncy member of *N Sync. JC wasn't always the perfectionist that we know him to be today. Do you ever wonder why JC always bounces around onstage the whole time he is performing or on TV, and then goes and sleeps the whole time that he isn't? It is because he has been addicted to crack cocaine ever since the age of 5. It turns out that when JC was 5 and playing around the neighborhood, one of the local drug dealers that hung around the kiddie park got JC to try a little of his "secret stash" one day, and he has been addicted ever since. His mother found out a year later, when she caught JC stealing all of the money out of her wallet to go buy his daily supply. She immediately shipped JC out to MMC to shape up.(Oh, another thing that you probably didn't know before this, was that MMC was actually a rehab camp for bad kids to re-channel their negative energies/bad habits. Britney Spears got on for having a plastic surgery fetish at the age of 10, but that's a different story.) JC spent the years that he was on MMC doing well, but then just when the rehab camp lost funding and the "show" was cancelled, he picked up his habit again, and has been addicted ever since.
Hoey Joey, the flirt of *N Sync has not had the cleanest past. I know people that have tried and tried to figure out just how many illegitimate children Joey has around the world, but it turns out that even he doesn't know. World experts estimate that there are probably between 6,898-7,000, taking in factors such as lyers and drunken, forgotten nights. There is no other way to explain it, except to say that Joey is labeled as a "nymphomaniac." His parents learned that he was at an early age by finding him at weird hours of the day humping random objects such as the couch and the kitchen table. They have tried to curb this by sending him out to act in plays and sing in shows, but it never went away. *N Sync covers up this condition of his by saying that he is the "flirty" member of the group, but we all know differently.
Lance Bass, a male, or is he? Did anyone notice that before *N Sync got really famous, that Lance resembled a girl somewhat? That is because Lance was in fact, a girl. He was born a girl to the Bass family, but they decided that one girl was enough, and searched all over for a doctor that could help Lance (formerly known as Laney) become a boy. One doctor agreed and put him on male hormones starting at the tender age of three. These hormones were slowly supposed to take away all of his girly qualities and turn him into a male. When Lance joined *N Sync, he was just about finished with the girl-boy transformation, but he stilled showed some girly qualities. That soon faded. That is why Lance seems somewhat girlish and wimpish.
And last but not least, dear Justin, the youngest member of *N Sync. There is a lot of confusion about Justin. Justin was actually, believe it or not, black. He was adopted by what he calls his parents now as a healthy young black boy by the name of Jerome, but then came the serious accident that he had at age 5. It seems as if his parents were careless, and one day while they were doing laundry, Justin hopped into a bucket of bleach and started to play. His parents found him 5 hours later, white and asleep. They covered up this mishap by saying that their poor little Jerome had been kidnapped, and that they had adopted another child named Justin.
There you have it, the real thruths about the members of *NSYNC!
