The Yesternight Articles
by KtsMan924
McDonalds Responsible for Satanic Cult
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Earlier this month McDonalds tried to develop the "McLobster." The idea for the "McLobster" came from Sakip Sabanci, a Turkish philanthropist, who funded the development. Corporate controller Christopher Pieszko assured us they thought this would be a good idea. "We thought the 'McLobster' would be a smash hit. The other day Philippe Walch, our international relationship partner, said our management in Japan loved the idea, we never thought this would happen," says Pieszko. During the development designated taste testers had peculiar reactions. "We have all but one of the taste testers tranquilized until we can find a cure, the other one escaped, and we're afraid this biological disease is contagious and could spread," says one McDonald's health inspector. Indeed it has spread, so far 20 cases of 'McDisease' have been reported since the escape. "Apparently, the escapee has started some kind of satanic cult, claiming Ronald McDonald is the anticrist and pouring yaks milk on each other while performing rituals involving women's underwear and spandex," says a LAPD sheriff, "I mean it's obviously nothing we haven't seen on FOX before, but these are citizens who used to live normal lives." No one has died as a result of this cult, but no one knows when the McDisease will turn for the worse. McDonald's CEO, Jack Greenberg, would not comment, but Vice Chairman, James Cantalupo, assured us that the "McLobster" would not be served in any McDonalds outside of Brazil. "The people there are already like that, what harm could it do."
