It's official. The Stockton outcasts have broken up amidst my leaving. Angela and Becky have had a fight, and are friends no more. The only thing I wanted when I left Stockton was for all of my friends to remain friends forever, so when I came back it would be like old times. But, nope. All of my wishes and dreams have just gone down the drain. My uncle is in the hospital dying of scarlet fever. Today was such a good day until I woke up. I can't believe it. My friends are disbanded. My little group is gone forever. The most horrible thing just happened. Angela and I were on the phone and she was talking about the fight. We were fine until the last few minutes, then she just broke down in tears. I hate it when people I love cry. I think I just lost my best friend. I wish I could just take it all back. I wish today had never happened. I hate this so much. I hate being separated from everyone I love. I didn't think they would get into a fight, ever. I guess I sort of sensed that something like this was going to happen when I left, but I didn't really think twice about it. I knew eventually they would stop being friends though. Oh, God... my poor friends. It's my fault. I shouldn't have ever let my parents move me away. I wish I was there, helping them all. I feel so horrid right now. I had a really good day up until right now. It's just gone completely from sunshine and dewdrops to "I hate life, I want to die, this sucks, I hate everything" in about two seconds. Poor Angela. She's always been like a sister to me. Ever since we became friends. For the last four years. It's bad enough that I don't have friends here, but now I don't have any friends back home either. I told Angela what an absolutely bang up week I've been having, and it got really quiet on the other end. All the sudden, I heard her sniffling. You'll never believe how much it hurts inside when you hear someone you love cry. It was such a stupid thing to do, to make it sound like I've been the one having all of the agony since I left. What if something happened to Angela tomorrow and I never got a chance to tell her goodbye, or that I was sorry? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I could always tell Angela anything, and I knew she'd love me no matter what. She was my best friend. All I can do now is hope that she forgives me somehow. I feel absolutely awful. I should stop caring so much about myself. I'm a horrible friend. I'm self-conceited and depressing. Today the world stopped... I knew there was a reason for my sudden happiness. It was because, the world stopped.
"I wish that I could hold you. I wish that I could hate you. I wish that I could hold you one more time... just one more time. I still see you in my mind. I wish that I could have more time. All is well now, no need to cry. No need to cry..." -Drain STH.
"I recall the scent of you when everything was fine. I remember all the words stuck inside my mind." -Drain STH.