Alright, religion is seriously beginning to piss me off. This morning, I got up, played some Playstation, watched a little local wrestling on UPN Nashville, then got into my bath. When I was putting my make up on, I heard knocking on the door. I wasn't about to answer it. I figured it was our landlord. It turned out to be these two parasitic bible-thumpers. You know how I can tell when they're Jehovah's Witnesses? They all speak with huge, booming voices, and they always talk about welfare and abortion. I was ready to walk out of the bathroom, all in my silver lipstick, silver eyeshadow, chains on my neck, my cross earrings with my black stud, my white face powder, my charcoal gray dragon tank top, and my holey blue jeans. They would have shit and fell back in it. It would have been totally awesome. I was way too engrossed in putting my make up on though. He gave my mom a little pamphlet, as they always do. I've been reading through it. I'm going to pick this apart as best I can. Let's start with Lesson 1: How You can Find Out What God Requires, shall we? Alright, let me get to the "important" stuff. Blah blah blah, blah blah blah, oh, here it is. Wait, no. There's no important stuff in this lesson! Ha ha! My mistake. Let's go to Lesson 2: Who Is God? Supposedly, God has many titles but only has one name. That name is JEHOVAH. For extra emphasis, they put it in capitals... so I did too. *sticks tongue out* Let's skip Lesson 3, and go straight to Lesson 4, and my personal favorite, Who Is The Devil? Well, they never really give him a specific name. They basically tell us that "devil" means someone who tells wicked lies about another person. If that's true, all of the people I know are the devil... and they also tell us that "Satan" means an enemy or opposer. Oh my God! I was right when I said that Cheerleaders were Satan! Satan tries to trick people into worshipping him. Satan is probably every single jock that you knew in high school. They claim that spiritism is the work of the devil. Wow. My enemies invented spiritism? I never knew they were that smart. Let's skip clear to Lesson 7: Drawing Close to God in Prayers. It says that God only listens to the prayers of righteous people. I don't believe that. God listens to everyone, no matter who they are. *giggles* Oh, now, here's one of those "heart-warming" lessons. Lesson 8: Family Life That Pleases God. Quote, "The Bible says that a husband is the head of his family (I Corinthians 11:3)". *laughs evilly* Yeah right. From here on, all this basically says is that women should be submissive to men, cook dinner, clean, raise the childer, shut up, and spread our legs. There's no way in Hell that I'm going to make some MAN (I say this with very low disdain) dinner, raise the children he knocked me up with, close my mouth when he doesn't want to hear me, not give a damn about my needs, clean up after him (a grown man... who can't clean up after himself is PATHETIC), and put out for him like, once a week. It's just not happening that way! I know, I'm a bad little girl. Someone needs to spank me. Now, Lesson 9: God's Servants Must Be Clean. This pretty much tells us that we can't be perverted, curse, and that we have to wash our hands after pissing. You've gotta be kidding me. These people have NO room to talk whatsoever. Think about it. How many televangelists or reverends get caught with whores, or cheating on their wives? Then they tell us not to fornicate, sin, or adulter. Lesson 10: Practices That God Hates. Don't even get me started. It says God hates incest. If that's true, what about Adam and Eve? If all of this is true, then how do you think all of us came about? I mean, the only two people on earth were Adam and Eve. Then their sons came along. Who do you think they screwed to make more people, hmm? Then, later, it has enough nerve to pretty much imply all people that cast spells try to make people sick, or kill them. Hello! I don't think so. In the next lesson, Lesson 11: Beliefs and Customs That Displease God, it says that birthdays are displeasing to God. Oh well, I want my presents. I'm gonna completely skip Lesson 12, because it's not even worth mentioning. Lesson 13, however, How Can You Find the True Religion? is beyond me. It pretty much states that Christianity is the only religion pleasing to God. I feel that God doesn't care what religion you practice, as long as you worship him in someway or form, and you're not worshipping "Satan". I'm gonna shut up about religion now. This is pissing Adam off. I can tell. It's pissing me off too. Now, I'm sad. They fired Daffney from WCW!! She was the only reason I watched. WCW has GOT to be dumber than an inbred hick with half a brain. If WWF picks her up, she's only going to get them more ratings. ECW too. I've been working on this Mini-Daff thing. I'm going to be the next Daffney Unger! Yeah yeah yeah! Daffney rules! ...Anyhoo. I'm going to worship Daffney. She's a goddess. And she likes everyone! Except people who make her mad. made out my birthday gift list today. I racked up a wish list at Hot Topic for like, $257 dollars or something. All I really want is a pair of boots, my fishnets, and a t-shirt. Nothing really else matters. I asked for "Freaks of Nature" by Drain STH, bubble bath, bath beads, Loser or the Wedding Singer, stickers, and WCW Backstage Assault for Playstation. I will unlock Daffney, I will, by God!
"It's a bad religion from a broken nation, and I can't take it anymore." -Godsmack.