I wish I knew what makes me such a target for boys. Last night, I come to find out that two more of my best guy friends in the entire world have crushes on me. One of them is even someone who I sorta look up to like a brother. I'm not that great. I would and could really go into specifics (or a pity party, if you will), but I won't. I just wish I knew what attracts all these males to me. I'm not trying to sound conceited, or stuck up, or like I'm hot stuff, but the fact is, is that every guy I've ever been friends with always ends up having a crush on me, or vice versa. It's getting... odd. It's getting weird. Yeah. Most definitely. That's not the word I'm looking for. But it'll have to do for now. You'd think I cast a spell on these poor chaps. Which I never did, mind you. I guess there's nothing really wrong with my friends having crushes on me. It's just that when they start -falling- for me... I get really bothered then. I can't possibly understand why anyone would be physically or emotionally attracted to me. Or even mentally. Wanna know something real, real weird about my guy friends? Almost all of their names start with Js. Joseph, Jeff, Jesse, James, Jordan, Joe, Jonathan, etc., etc. Isn't that like, totally freaky? Once, one of my friend's moms told me that people who have the same first inital sorta fit together. She and her husband did (they got divorced). I think that sorta goes to show. I just wish I had a boy to play with. I wish knew what made boys tick. I'm going to kidnap a boy from a mall some day, and take him to a large van with shag carpetting and a pull out bed in the back, and I'm going to figure out what boys like. I need to figure out what gets them going. I just may never complete until I do. You know, people tell me that they pop a bone when they're talking to me, but how? It's not like I'm doing anything to them... I could be talking about Biology and they're like, "Uhm.. I have to go take care of something in my room." It's like, "Yeah, just leave me hanging here. Hanging! Ha-ha! Get it?" No. For real. Every one of my guy friends.. I make them pop a bone. I don't even flirt anymore! It's so bad. Or at least I don't flirt intentionally. If I do, I'm not doing it on purpose. Boys don't even turn me on anymore. I mean, sometimes boys do things that turn me on, but I think that half of them would be ten times more sexy or sensual when a girl does them. It all depends on my mood I guess. And what time of the month it is. I get really, really, really "giddy" when it's that time of the month, for some odd reason. Isn't that sad? When Jesse and I hated each other, I told someone else that, and Jesse was listening. He was like, "I had a girlfriend who used to get really turned on during that time of the month. Personally, I always thought it was a waste." Or something like that. It was a while back. I still sorta resent that. I can't help it... all the sudden the most bizarre little thoughts will pop into my head and I'll be like, "Grrr... I can't wait until I get home, I'm going to positively rape someone over this..." Sometimes when I get turned out, I get a little violent. Oh please, you know you like it. And you know what makes me really pissed off lately? Being a virgin. I'm really eager to get this whole thing over with, even though I know I'm going to live to regret my decision about who I lose my virginity to and the circumstances in which I lost it. But right now I just don't care. It's like, "Yoo-hoo! Over here, big boy!" A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting with some girls in the library, and they were making fun of this boy who was a virgin. They were like, "Dammit, Joe! Why are you so moody all the time? You need to tap some ass. You need to get a piece." And pretty soon he just pissed off and walked away. I was pretty amazed. Hardly any boys I know are virgins, and all of my friends are guys, so... I feel really singled out. I do know a few guys that are virgins, but they would absolutely die if I mentioned their names. All their friends think that they're pimp daddies, but that's just not the case. Heh. I don't even know what I'm doing most of the time, and I make people pop a bone. I love it. I absolutely freakin' love it. All of it is catching up to me, though. Last night, I was informed by one of my best friend's older brothers, that I wouldn't be seeing my best friend for a while, because he got sent to a detention center. I couldn't believe it. I can't believe I cried for a boy. A boy who did something he got put into a detention center for. He's gonna be there for over a year. This was someone who I was really, really close to. No one will never know how much I care.. and, there's another friend I need to tell you about. He can left me from the lowest lows.. he makes everything seem way better than it actually is, which is not always a bad thing. He makes me smile and he makes me laugh. He knows just what to say to confuse me, to make me laugh, and to make me think twice... he makes me feel 10,000 times better. I really love him and respect him for that. It's like, he just drops everything for me. I've missed having friends like that. He is actually the best friend I've got right now. Ooh, and do you want to know what I think would be the best, most sweetest present ever on Valentine's Day? If someone got me flowers and had them delivered at school. I would totally die, but I would love them forever and ever and ever. The quickest way into my heart is flowers and poetry. Remember this. Screw candy and teddy bears. Just bring on the aromatherapy. You wanna know what the worst thing about Valentine's Day is, though? All the PDA that goes on. I hate PDA. Every time I see a couple in the halls hugging, I just puke. You know what else I hate? The fact that my guy friends have perfect complexions and I'm always zitty. Damn.
"Must be the season of the witch." -Hole.
"She wants to conquer the world completely, but first she'll conquer me discreetly! The female of the species is more deadly than the male. How can Heaven hold a place for me, when a girl like you has cast a spell on me?" -Space.
"I got you twisted 'round my finger, crawling my 'round my legs. The emptiness, the craziness, satsify this hungerness. Darling, how would it feel?" -Garbage.