I know that I haven't been around for the last two months very much, and I'm sorry, but a lot of things have happened to me. In the past two months, I've made friends, dumped Adam, met someone new, finally found a religion, and, I think, in general, become a better person. Let me explain about the friends, first. One day, I was just sitting there in study hall, being antisocial when all the sudden, this spikey, blonde-haired girl with gothic crimson and black clothing on starts talking to me. Our conversation died down eventually. Then, suddenly, from behind I hear a voice saying, "Hey! What's that new girl's name??" All the time I was thinking, "Oh please God, don't let it be me." But, I knew it was. So, I turned around and before sat this group of outcast people playing Magic: The Gathering and just laughing. It was weird. I liked it. I turned around and introduced myself to my first real friend here. We talked until the bell for 6th period rang. He introduced me to Rebecca and JT (who are dating each other and two very cool people), Russell (this kind of miscellaneous guy who just plays Magic and Dungeons and Dragons), and Jasmine (this cool chick). So, I hung out with them at break. Jason is really very artistic. He's constantly doing a painting or drawing, or writing a poem, or talking about making movies. I gave him my phone number like, thirty minutes after I met him. Some may call me pretentious, but I just call myself... "eager". Anyway, Jason said, "I gotta introduce you to Jonathan. If you like me, you'll like him." And I thought, "Woohoo! Fresh meat!" Just kidding. Everything was happening so fast, I really didn't have time to think. My head was spinning like a mofo and I was bursting inside from the instant acception of our school's "weird" social group. I had never been so accepted in my entire life. For the first time, I actually felt like people liked me for me. So, I went home after school that day and sat down at the computer. Right away, the phone rang and it was Jason. We talked about everything from movies to Anne Rice to art. But alas, Jason had to hang up. Needless to say, he called me back in about a half-hour, asking me if we could call Jonathan on three-way, and I said, "Sure." So, Jonathan called us on three-way, and we started talking to each other. Jason and Jonathan decided to come over. Jonathan was really, really hesitant at first, but they came anyway. Jonathan was nothing like I imagined him to be. I thought he would be more like Jason. But, I was really suprised when I saw Jonathan, because I had seen him before. I just didn't recognize him without make-up like Brandon Lee's in the Crow and black hair. Jonathan's real hair color is blonde, and he has very beautiful blue eyes. Jonathan is, without a doubt, the most beautiful creature I've ever layed eyes on. Instantly, right from the beginning, I had a crush on Jonathan. I couldn't help it. He was just so shy and quiet like I was. That night I got introduced to Robert. As you'll remember, Robert is pink-faced guy that gave me the creeps. Just for the record, my opinion has changed of him a lot and he still gives me the creeps, but anyhoo. All of us went over to Jonathan's and watched Demon Knight. Needless to say, Jonathan, Jason and I started hanging out a lot more. My parents didn't really like them at first. I think they were a little scared, because Jonathan and Jason are both about 6 feet tall, and look very brute. But, once they got to know each of them, they learned there's nothing to be scared of. Jonathan and I got together on February 21, 2001, a week and a day after we met each other. I love Jonathan with all my heart and soul. I wouldn't trade Jonathan for the world, because he is my world. Just for the record, I do feel bad about dumping Adam. I hate hurting people, especially those who I love. I don't love Adam the same way I used to be, but regardless, I will always love him as a friend. Enough about the love subject. My new found religion is Wicca. It's taught me how to be a better person, and how to be less judgemental of other people. I love studying Witchcraft, but I don't do any spells. I'll do ceremonies and dedications, but I don't think I'm ready for spells yet. I'm still learning. Right now the Craft is becoming really popular for some reason. I, in no way, study the Craft to be trendy. I do it for personal enlightenment, and to become a better person. Right now there's this group of people at my school who ARE witches, and another group who THINK they're witches. Big difference. My friends Jason, Megan, and Sarah are witches. But people who look at my WitchCraft book in school and say, "Oh, I want this book! Can I have it? It's so cute!" are totally insolent and ignorant, and are for the most part, grade A hicks. :) Now, I didn't say I had stopped judging people completely. All I've been doing lately is hanging out with Jonathan. In fact, that's all I've done since I met him. Jonathan and I are very alike. He also reminds me of Angela, which is a good thing. I really do love him a lot, and I hope this relationship works out for the better. I don't have much to say, I just thought I would inform everyone... let them know that I wasn't dead or anything.
"My heart carries on, but my head knows better. Troubled by the way we came together." -Natalie Imbruglia.
"Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistance? One step from lashing out at you. You wantin' to get under my skin, I've got more friends like you what do I do? Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong! You can't be something you're not. Be yourself, by yourself. Stay away from me! A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time. Respect! Walk! What do you say? Respect! Walk! Are you talking to me? Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve. You cry to weak friends that sympathize. Can you hear the violins playing your song? Those same friends tell me your every word. Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong! You can't be something you're not. Be yourself, by yourself. Stay away from me! A lesson learned in life, known from the dawn of time. Respect! Walk! What do you say? Respect! Walk! Are you talking to me? Respect! Walk! What do you say? Respect! Walk! Are you talking to me, are you talking to me? No way, punk. Respect! Walk! What do you say? Respect! Walk! Are you talking to me? Respect! Walk! What do you say? Respect! Walk! Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?! Walk on home, boy." -Pantera.
"All I wanted in my eyes, my frustration, your delight. What's beneath my skin? Consuming from within. And once I've seen, you're gonna die. Yeah. Eventually, cursed, cursed, yeah. My tears quench your thirst, thirst. All I am is all I need, can you see what's left of me? I don't know and I don't care, I ain't going anywhere. I don't care and I don't mind. Pound my head against the ground. Once I've seen your face, I'm caught up in the maze. I'm snared in your fatal embrace, yeah. Eventually cursed, cursed. My tears quench your thirst, thirst. All I am is all I need. Can you see what's left of me? I don't know and I don't care, I ain't going anywhere. All I am is all I need. Can you see what's left of me? I don't know and I don't care, I ain't going any..." -Drain STH.
"Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real. There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface, consuming, confusing. This lack of self-control is neverending, controlling, I can't seem to find myself again, my walls are closing in. I've felt this way before, so insecure! Crawling in my skin, these wounds they will not heal. Fear is how I fall, confusing what is real. Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me, distracting, reacting, against my will I stand beside my own reflection. It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again, my walls are closing in... I've felt this way before, so insecure!" -Linkin Park.