+-i will survive-+

October 25, 2000 [10-25-00]

Today was my first official day at school. It wasn't bad at all. I think I might learn to like this place, once I get adjusted to all the kids. And once I learn where all my classes are. First hour wasn't so bad. My ears and face were burning the whole time, but that didn't stop a group of friendly outcasts from talking to me. They introduced themselves as Amanda, Stormie, Annetta, and Elizabeth. They're each very nice. I found out that Amanda's two months pregnant and that today was Elizabeth and her boyfriend's year anniversary. They were so open with me. Elizabeth even dumped her purse out on the table top and showed all of us her birth control. But she told me not to think she's a slut, because she isn't even like that. Her periods are just screwed up. I didn't think she was a slut. In fact, I have a confession to make. Out of all the people I met today, I like Elizabeth the best. We pretty much sit there all through first hour, BSing. Then in second hour, I sit down by a boy who doesn't look all that tough, as he's about three inches shorter than me, but has a mustache, an earring, and a stoned-looking smiley face tattoo on his upper right arm. He sleeps through most of the hour until whom I presume is his girlfriend walks by him and he grabs her and hugs her. The girl sits down beside me and begins asking me questions. She asks if I know anyone here and I reply that I don't. She introduces herself as Amber, and the boy says, "I'm Mike. There, now you know me." I'm introduced to Mike by Amber, and we talk a little while longer, then I have to go back to working algebra problems. After that, I go to Advanced World History. I copy a girl named Lindsay's notes after she just off and hands them to me. Then, I go to Biology with Ms. Hackett. I get lost on the way there and the office appoints a boy named Adam to show me where it is. Ms. Hackett is really, really nice to me, and we're studying a chapter that I've already learned, so this should be cake. I like Ms. Hackett's class really well. Half-way through class, it's time for lunch. Our class goes, and I sit at the end of the table alone, but soon enough, the other end of the table is motioning for me to join them. We eat our chicken bi-product nuggets in silence until a girl named Carrie's boyfriend comes over to our table and begins to finish the things we haven't eaten on our trays. It's pretty gross. We go back to Biology and take notes until pretty much the end of the period. Then a girl named Tia shows me to the "chorus" room. In Tennessee, they don't call it choir. It's chorus. I sing along with the songs for the hour, then Tia shows me the English room. We're reading Antigone by one of those famous Greek guys who's name I can't remember off-hand. Two girls named Kari and Megan do their best to help me fit in, along with a smart ass boy named Jason. Jason keeps pointing at an overweight boy and saying, "He likes you." I desperately want to beat him, but grin at the same time. Meg and Kari chat me up for most of the hour, provided that we're not reading. Jason makes us laugh constantly, which we are not supposed to be doing. When Mrs. Wiser yells, she YELLS. Holy shit. The sound rings throughout the halls of the building. It's not so bad here at Smith. I sorta like it. Now, if I could just find my way around...

"I've watched you change... and you feel alive. You feel alive. I've watched you change. It's like you never had..." -The Deftones.

"Sinking through dark like holes, it's never gonna end. Open gash in my rib cage, it's never gonna mend. Take another picture off the wall. Sinking deeper every time I fall. Each day ends quicker and my mind gets slower too. As my life just fades away, I wouldn't have a clue. Take another drawer out from the shelf. I'm too weak to do it by myself. Though you had the world at your feet, you could see it, I was blind. You had the perfect job called life, you didn't like it, you resigned. Your brains a square of grass growing on petrol and chlorine. On petrol and chlorine, you know just what I mean." -Silverchair.

"How do you do it? Make me feel like I do. How do you do it? Better than I ever knew." -Incubus.