School is slowly progressing. I still haven't made any friends yet, and I'm still hiding in my little shell, but I suppose I'll get used to all the people soon enough. I tried sitting alone at the pep rally today at the top of the many bleachers, but people started flocking to my area. I didn't mind. I just wished that they were my friends from Kansas, and not complete strangers just looking for somewhere to sit. A girl from my first hour class turned around to me and introduced herself as Christina. The girl in front of her turned around and smiled at me. I'm not used to smiling, so I usually only give a half-assed smile back. I'm really trying to give them real, genuine smiles, but it's impossible. I won't smile until I have my friends back. I still can't hear out of my left ear. The boy in English who sits next to me, Josh, seems to like to look at me when he doesn't think I'm looking. The two girls who sit in front of me in English are constantly borrowing my stuff. And copying off of me. A girl named Amber says that a boy on her bus wanted to know my name and told her that I was pretty. Another girl asked me what my name is. As she turned to leave, I heard her mutter, "I gotta go tell my friends that." One of the cheerleaders stopped to say hello in choir or "chorus" today. People bug me at the most inopportune times. On the bright side, I got a letter from Helen today. She gave me a friendship necklace with a silver moon on it and a deep blue background. I love it. She writes to me about who got Goblin's Glory King and Queen and says that boys from Plainville, Kansas suck. I agree. Being Plainville's rival town, we enjoy calling the Plainville males (affectionatelly) the Plainville Jackoffs. Helen didn't use that term though, as she was in Math class. I know she probably wanted to, though. On the downside, yesterday Adam told me that he took five Vicadin and smoked a bowl of marijuana at lunch. He's been doing a lot of pot lately. I think the only thing it succeeds in doing is making him highly irritable. I wanted to tell Adam that if he overdoses, I'm not going to be there to clean up his puke (even though I most likely will be). I don't know what I'm going to do if he keeps up with these pot and pain-pills. I think they have a word for people like that. Addict. I'm not insulting Adam or insinuating anything, but I just wish he wouldn't do it. It upsets me to think he could accidentally overdose on those drugs. For all he knows, that pot or that vicadin could have been laced with something. And trust me on this one, you always think you know your dealer when you really don't. I love Adam with all of my heart and soul, and I know his body belongs to him and he may do with it whatever he pleases, but I wish he'd just realize how much he's hurting his body. I guess I'm only so paranoid because I've seen drinking and drugs ruin one too many peoples' lives. I'll shut up about this for now. Or maybe I won't.
"I'm here and I wonder if I'm lost, 'cause I can't seem to understand the way I feel. I'm not here to be a creep, I'm just feeling incomplete. Take me home." -Econoline Crush.
"I'm all alone while you're having fun. You have faith, while I feel none. Sleep too late to waste half the day, but I'm happy to live this way." -Silverchair.
"Addiction's held you back, but you don't care. You're on a high again, and it's not fair. Consuming alcohol, while I gotta drive. Take a hit from the drugs you stole, and try to survive. Since your life was over, you haven't yet been sober, you have held me back so long. Everything you do is wrong. Now I gotta dump you. Continue my life too. Tried to help you. Don't care what you do. Your state of mind's improved, but we're still apart. I visited and you'd moved, don't know where to start. Your life's an open cold sore, gotta get out the cream. Now I'm thinking positive, even though it's a dream." -Silverchair.
"I will remember you, but will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories. I'm so tired but I can't sleep. Standing on the edge of something much too deep. It's funny how we feel so much, but we can't say a word. We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard. But I will remember you. Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories." -Sarah McLachlin.