I don't know what to say right now. I don't know what I believe anymore. God doesn't seem to be listening to me. I've lived in the Bible Belt all my life, first Kansas, then Tennessee... but the preachers' and televangelist's hard work doesn't seem to be paying off. We started to study the life of Jesus Christ and Rome at the time of his crucifixion, and all the sudden I caught myself thinking, "It's sort of stupid to learn about something you don't believe in", and I really had to wonder where the Hell that came from. Up until this year, I've believed that there was a God. Now I'm just not so sure. If there is a God, he must be punishing me for being blasphemous in very harsh ways. In January, my mother asked my father to move out. In February, my grandmother got very sick. In March, a week or so after my 15th birthday, she died. In April... April is sort of hazy. In May, I dumped Adam. In June, I started having troubles... love troubles. That lasted until September, when I got back with Adam... In October, my family told me we were moving away from everything I had ever known, all the people I loved, and etcetra. Then we moved. And I still haven't been able to make any friends. No one wants to be around me. I'm like the plague. Maybe I scare them. Some people think it's good to be feared... I don't know about that. Day after day I tell myself that I'm fine alone. But I'm not... people need communication to live, or so they say. But I'm still completely oblivious to everyone around me. It's like they don't even notice me. I get ignored constantly. Sometimes I just mull over the possibilities of what would happen if I died. No one would remember me. I'd be forgotten. Maybe being forgotten always isn't a bad thing. Maybe if no one knows me, no one will really know what a self-centered, egotistical asshole I am. Of course, they're bound to think I'm stuck up anyway. I'm so shy that I never speak in school. Oh well. Fuck them right? Right? My whole life is a waste.
"Look at me! Who am I? Tell me now, who am I to you? Look at me! Who am I? Tell me now, who am I to you?" -Angel Dust.
"Difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over... when I look right through, see you naked but oblivious... and you don't... see... me. But I threw you the obvious, just to see if there's more behind the eyes of a fallen angel. Eyes of a tragedy. Here I am expecting just a little too much from the wounded, but I see, see through it all, see through... see you... 'cause I threw you the obvious to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, eyes of a tragedy... oh well. Oh well." -A Perfect Circle.
"Sometimes when I'm alone, I still feel you. Your breath on my neck is still with me. And I'm still dreaming neon black." -Nevermore.