+-childhood living-+

[9-2-00] September 2, 2000

The next time anyone ever tells me they want to see me in nothing but whipped cream, I swear to God I'll scream. Alright... maybe not to God, but you get the picture. I'm so sick of people wanting me just for my looks or my body. Can't anyone just love me for who I am inside? Sometimes all I feel like is a piece meat. And I'm not talking about the really good meat, I'm talking about spoiled veal. That's how I feel. I just wish for once someone could look inside of me and see the real me. I'm not that bad. But I'm not that good either. I mean, I know I act psycho sometimes, but come on... Anyhow... sometimes I'm so sick and tired of my parents. I know they love me, but sometimes they're just a little too much. I accidentally spilled a box of cereal today. Before I could get it all cleaned up, my mother came barging into the kitchen and started yelling at me. I felt like a two-year-old again. So, I proceeded to pick up all the Raisin Bran off the floor and put it back into the box. That backfired royally on me. My mom knows me all too well. She knew exactly what I had done and told me I had to eat the box of cereal. *sighs* Isn't ironic... don't ya think? Anyway... I just hate feeling like I'm used. Usually the only time anyone speaks to me at school is when they want something, or want me to do something for them. The rest of the time, they ignore me completely. It's really sad. I have a new artist/musician fetish. It's all-consuming. I especially have a thing for guitar players. But I absolutely hate drummers. Drummers bad.

"Yes, I said it's fine before, but I don't think so no more... I said it's fine before... I've changed my mind! I take it back! Erase and rewind... 'cause I've been changing my mind." -The Cardigans.

"Childhood living is easy to do... the things that you wanted, I bought them for you. Graceless lady, you know who I am... you know I can't let you slide through my hands." -The Rolling Stones.