I know I've said this a million times, but this time I actually really mean it. I don't know what to do. I could be a romance novel heroine if I really wanted to. I can see the tagline now. "Torn between two men in an age of confusion; Growing up in a sadistic enviroment; Whatever will she do!" It's getting just really f*cking sad. I'm serious. My ex has been trying to get me back since May, and I turn him down every time. I have a new "kinda-sorta" boyfriend, Jordan, who I love very much. I'm serious, that if this guy asked me to marry him, I'd do so in a split second. I loved my ex for a year, and I'm still good friends with him. I still love him and care for him, but I don't think in the same way I used to. He says that every time he speaks to me he falls in love all over again. He says that I'm his only reason to live. I feel so pressured and probed that I could be an alien abductee. Adam (my ex) says that even if he has to SHARE me with Jordan he will. When the Hell did I become a piece of property? Right now I just want to claw my eyes and rip out my heart as well. It's just starting to piss me off that so many people insist on being in love with me or infatuated with me at the same time. I don't know what it is that they see in me, but I wish I didn't have it anymore. Sometimes I just wish I had no heart it all. I said once that all my heart was is just an organ for pumping blood, but that was before I fell in love with Jordan more than ever. I just wish that it wasn't so complicated anymore. I hate how it is now. The world seems to be shouting in my face, "You flirted around and now look what's happened, WHORE!" It's beginning to really piss me off. Love songs even piss me off. Everything remotely lovey dovey that doesn't have to do with Jordan pisses me off. I can't even stand other couples. It all makes me want to be sick and beat the shit out of someone at the same time.
"If it stayed I'd never leave it, if it turned around I'd grieve it. The special dirty things we used to talk about, I mean that loving you is strange and adored by me throughout. Oh no, it's you again. Someday soon you'll find that someone waiting for the chance to beat you, drooling on the set to feel you, blessing you with every kiss, tying yourself to me stitch up my emptiness, 'cause you're the death of me. Tying yourself to me, stitch up my emptiness, 'cause you're the death of me. So precious, loving the thrill." -Orgy.
"I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend, I hope I hold a special place with the rest of them. And you know it makes me sick to be on the list, but I should of that before we kissed. You say you're gonna burn before you mellow, but I'll be the one to burn you... why'd you have to go and pick me, when you knew that we were different completely??" -No Doubt.
"How does it feel to treat me like you do? When you've laid your hands upon me and told me who you are? I thought I was mistaken, I thought I heard your words... tell me how do I feel? Tell me, now do I feel? How does it feel? How should I feel? Tell me, how does it feel to treat me like you do?" -Orgy.