Right now I just feel like pulling all of my hair out and screaming. Actually, I feel like I'm screaming right now, but no one notices. Everyone and I have been growing apart lately. My best friend hasn't even called me since I told her I was going to leave on next Saturday. I don't blame her. I haven't been in the mood for much talking either. I feel like I'm going to be sick right now. My stomach is churning. My boyfriend and I are fighting right now, and we just got back together. We haven't even been together but a week or two ago. I don't know what's happening to everyone lately. I just feel like bawling right now. No one's leaving me the Hell alone. My dad's in Tennessee and my mother won't leave me alone. None of my friends seem to be too terribly torn up about my leaving, and if they are, they aren't showing it. It makes me wonder what I actually mean to people. I used to want to move away from this town because I hated it so much. But I love it here. My friends are here. And the people I hate too. What good is moving going to do? I'll only make more enemies and less friends. Hell, I only have two friends as it is. I miss my friends now, and I'm not even gone yet. I didn't go to school today because I have strep and a staph infection, but I'll probably go tomorrow. I can't wait to see my friends. Then again, maybe I can. I think that every time I see them, we get just a little more strained and hurt, because they know I won't be here for very long. Did I mention that I'm engaged now? Yep. Me and Adam got engaged the other day. I wonder if it's too soon. All my friends keep telling me that we're just stupid kids, and that nothing good will come of it. Adam's friends are saying congratulations, but I know some of them share the same sentiments as our friends, if they've given it a second thought. My parents don't know yet, and neither do Adam's. I'm sure they'll just be *ecstatic*. I feel so alone right now. I think maybe I will just scream and cry all to myself. I feel heartbroken inside. And I don't know why. I hate this feeling. I hurt so badly inside that it's deafening and overwhelming. My heart and head are crying at the same time.
"Here I am expecting just a little too much from the wounded. But I see, see through it all, see through, see you. 'Cause I threw you the obvious, to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel, of a tragedy. Oh well... apparently nothing. You don't see me, you don't see me at all." -A Perfect Circle.
"Deadwood if you care to listen, it's the same but there's something missing... it wears me out. Stripped bare, I'm the same old savage... how is in his name did we ever manage? It's not enough. Look me in the eye... I'm about to dive. Can you live your life without me? I don't need you anymore. I can't use you anymore. Killing the fire and you kill my desire... I don't need you anymore. Loud and clear but you still don't get it, I call you up and then I'll regret it. It gets me down. You want the truth but you look right through it, deadwood but you won't come to it... it's such a shame. Look me in the eye... I'm about to dive. Can you live your live? Without me. I don't need you anymore..." -Garbage.
"I am the girl you know, can't look you in the eye. I am the girl you know so sick I cannot try. I am the one you want, can't look you in the eye. I am the girl you know, I lie and lie and lie. I'm Miss World, somebody kill me. Kill me pills... no one cares, my friends. My friends... I'm Miss World... watch me break and watch me burn. No one is listening, my friends. I made my bed I'll lie in it, I made my bed, I'll die in it, I made my bed, I'll lie in it, I made my bed, I'll die in it. Kill girls watch when I eat ether, suck me under. Maybe forever, my friend. I made my bed I'll lie in it, I made my bed I'll die in it, I made my bed I'll cry in it, I made my bed, I'll die in it..." -Hole.
"Step and fetch, grease my hips. I don't even have to pause. I don't really miss God, but I sure miss Santa Clause." -Hole.
"I am doll parts, bad skin... doll heart. It stands for knife, for the rest of my life. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do. Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, but I do too. I want to be the girl with the most the cake. He only loves those things because he loves to see them break. I fake it so real, I am beyond fake. Someday, you will ache like I ache. Someday, you will ache like I ache... someday you will ache like I ache... someday you will ache like I ache! Someday you will ache like I ache! Someday you will ache like I ache! Someday you will ache like I ache..." -Hole.