89 Days of Alcatraz

I want to burn the letters that I wrote you
Over the phone today it felt like you were fading
Losing interest and ready to leave
Here I am thinking you were sent to save me

I've had 89 days of Alcatraz
Silly me thinking it was over
89 days of losing my mind
Silly silly me, silly silly me

So I keep walking, I keep walking, singing sometimes
Feeling like a shit cause I know what's happening
Investing like a rich girl
Gambling like a Vegas idiot
Putting out cause I haven't much before

I've had 89 days of Alcatraz
Silly me thinking it was over
89 days of losing my mind
Silly silly me, silly silly me

You don't know who you got yourself into
You don't know, you don't know at all
You don't know who you got yourself into
You don't know, you don't know
You don't know, you don't know.



Damn I love this song! This used to be my theme song, last summer. But maybe my interpretation of the lyrics is a little different. I had my 89 days of ~thinking~ it was over, but actually it wasn't over, I was just feeling insecure. Which can happen a lot if you have internet relationships, or long distance relationships, where the person you love isn't there in front of you to provide the reassurance.

Yep, this one's been a recurring theme for me. Like the girl from San Francisco who moved to Paris (with her boyfriend!) and I kept writing to for months, not knowing if she'd ever read my letters. After the 89 days were up, hotmail was gonna delete her account (120 days actually. ;) In a way, it didn't really matter, because she just thought of me as a friend anyway -- maybe it helped me figure things out by writing to her, not knowing if she was reading me.

As it happened, she came back from France, minus the boyfriend, six months later. And thanks to divine intervention (or that thing I tried ;) her hotmail account still worked, so she got about half my letters. She got back in touch. What a shock! :D Nowadays we're friends who email once in awhile and catch up on things. :)

In a couple of other cases, I'd just start wondering if that girl was interested in me any more. No letters, no calls, what's up? I'd start panicking! I remember one time where I think I was actually ~addicted~ to my phone calls with a girl who lived in Florida. We'd talk for hours at a time, and it just made me feel so happy and mellow, talking to her, and she said the same thing. It was a very cool phenomenon. But later on, she seemed to be too busy to call, or she'd get a call for someone else and have to go. I'm still not sure if it was things dying off, or if she really was just busy. Finally I couldn't handle the perceived rejection anymore, and I kind of gave up on that relationship. If she had called, I would've been happy to talk to her though. Months went by and then she remembered my birthday and sent me a card. For old times sake, I guess. Well, it was cool while it lasted. ;)

After that I discovered that a herbal thing called St. John's Wort is good for combatting mood swings inspired by `89 days` scenarios. ;) So now I don't get too worried when I don't get replies to the little emails I send the girl I'm a ~tiny bit~ enamored of. I figure either she likes my mail and will get back to me eventually (like the SF girl) or she can feel free to give me a good kick in the shins sometime and tell me to stop writing. ;p Hehe.

Here I am, thinking ~just maybe~ you were sent to save me. ;)

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