October 2003
"Y’know, James, I think Remus has a girlfriend," Sirius murmured, nudging the other boy in the side so that he could watch their friend leave the Gryffindor common room. "He keeps sneaking out at odd times, looking like he hopes we don’t notice."
Peter looked up from his Transfiguration homework, his eyes wide. "Who do you think it could be?
Sirius shrugged and grinned. "No clue, but we could go find out, right?"
Remus slunk down the corridor, feeling utterly miserable. His friends were back there where he wanted to be, having fun and making plans, and he had to go lock himself in a shack so he wouldn’t kill anyone. He cursed under his breath. It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t his fault that he’d been bitten by a werewolf, but there it was. He was a werewolf, and if he didn’t want to kill his friends, which he didn’t, or be ostracized by them and chased out of Hogwarts, he had to keep his secret.
And that meant that on nights when the moon was full, he had to leave before the sun set and lock himself away from normal people.
His shoulders slumped as he made his way outside and toward the Whomping Willow and his solitary cell.
"What’s he doing?" Peter whispered, jostling Sirius’ arm to get a better look at where Remus was going.
"If I knew that, we wouldn’t have to be here, would we?" James asked acerbically.
Sirius tried to maneuver for a better look while staying under James’ invisibility cloak, not the easiest thing in the world considering he was sharing it with James and Peter. "Don’t see anyone else about. This is ruddy strange, even for Remus."
Remus thought he heard something and looked around, not wanting anyone to see him. But there was no one there, so he took a deep breath and skirted past the tree into the long tunnel leading to the lonely shack where he spent the nights of the full moon. He reminded himself that no matter how bad it was, it meant that he got to spend the rest of his time here at Hogwarts with friends, and anything was worth that, even lying to those friends.
He smiled bitterly. "Some friend I am," he muttered, not realizing that he’d spoken aloud.
"What the blazes is he doing?" James muttered, catching Sirius’ eye and sharing a grin.
"I think we need to go find out. I mean, how horrid can it be?"
Peter looked worried. "Are you sure we should? What if we get caught?"
"Oh, give it a rest, Peter," James scoffed. "Now stick close. Maybe being invisible will keep the tree from noticing us. I’d like to know how Remus got past though."
"And where he got to," Sirius added as they crept closer.
"Maybe we should just wait out here for him to come out," Peter offered, ducking reflexively when a branch thrashed in their direction.
"I think... yes, look at that branch. I’m fairly certain I saw Remus poke the tree with it. Do you think that’s how he got past?" James eyed the discarded branch curiously, then edged closer to pick it up.
"Careful, James!" Sirius hissed as the tree branches writhed. "Merlin, the thing’s possessed!"
"It’s a whomping willow," Peter said, correcting him. "I read about them in herbology."
"Don’t worry, I don’t want to be whomped," James whispered, peering through the tangle of roots, then jabbing with the stick. "Come on! Now!" He bolted forward, invisibility cloak streaming behind so different bits of him were visible with each step.
Sirius and Peter hurried behind James so as not to lose the camouflage of the invisibility cloak. The opening in the tree trunk led to a tunnel that immediately turned black when the willow slammed shut behind them. Sirius dug his wand out of his pocket and held it up. "Lumos," he whispered, peering around them and then shaking off the cloak. "He must be up ahead."
Peter murmured his own spell and held his wand up, looking around furtively. "It smells funny in here, almost like a big dog or something."
James wrinkled his nose. "Hope we’re not disturbing something’s den, though I don’t imagine Dumbledore would let anything dangerous stay this close to the school." He looked around. "I don’t see Remus, so he must have gone along the tunnel. Come on. Let’s find out what he’s doing here."
The three trotted down the winding tunnel, stepping over roots and ducking others. "Look, there’s a light up ahead," Sirius whispered. "We’re almost there."
"Wherever ‘there’ is," Peter added, freezing when a bone-chilling howl split the night air. ""Did - did you hear that?"
"Of course we did, we’re not deaf," James snapped, nerves making him a bit short. "What was that?" Whatever it was, he was sure he didn’t want to meet it. But Remus was ahead of them, and what if he was in trouble and needed their help? James swallowed hard and started inching forward again, more slowly and cautiously now.
"Shite, what if Lupin’s in trouble!" Sirius exclaimed, forgoing caution to race ahead, ignoring Peter’s warning cry. He pounded along the tunnel to come up short at a door that was locked and refused to yield to his ‘Alohomora’.
"Whatever that is, it’s coming from in there. And Remus must be too since there’s nowhere else to go." James exchanged a horrified look with Sirius. "We’re going to have to get through this door." He felt sick as he listened to the snarling and imagined what might have already happened to Remus... and what could happen to them.
On the other side of the door, the wolf smelt meat, and he redoubled his efforts, clawing at the door and howling his frustration at being kept away from his prey. The solid wood panels didn’t yield to his frenzied attempts to break through, not even buckling slightly as he hurled himself at the barrier.
Peter cringed against the tunnel’s far wall, obviously terrified. "But what if it’s already done with Remus and goes after us?"
"We’ll give you to it first then," snarled Sirius as he paced back and forth, running through the unlocking charms he knew and growing more frustrated by the second. "When we get the door open, we’ll just have to stun it, grab Remus and get him back to Madame Pomfrey."
James nodded. "And after he’s healed, we can ask him what in Merlin’s name he was doing here in the first place!" He took a deep breath. "Right then. If we all throw an unlocking charm at it at once, it should open. On the count of three..." He raised his wand and pointed it at the shuddering door, trying to ignore the howls and snarls coming through it.
"That would be most unwise, Mr. Potter." All three boys spun and stared at Headmaster Dumbledore, their mouths agape.
"But Remus is in there!" Sirius protested.
"And he could be hurt," Peter added, though he wished he could grab James’ cloak and hide.
"We can’t just leave him," James said emphatically, though he shot a wary glance at the door as it shuddered under the increasingly frenzied impacts from the other side. "What is that?"
Dumbledore moved to stand between the boys and the door. "That, my dear boys, is for Remus to tell you in the morning if he chooses to. Now come with me; you really shouldn’t be out here right now. Master Lupin will be back with you tomorrow, never you fret."
"But Remus..." Sirius protested, holding his ground when whatever was on the other side of the door thudded against it again, making it shake against the frame.
"Remus knows what that is?" James eyes widened as various possibilities occurred to him, but he could see that the headmaster wasn’t going to tell them anything more. "Are you sure he’ll be all right?" he asked with another anxious glance over his shoulder as the howling continued unabated.
"He’ll be fine, now come along. Would any of you care for a lemon drop?" Dumbledore offered the tin around. "No? Ah well, have no fear, boys, it will all be fine."
Sirius looked back at the door, trying to imagine what could be behind it and how it related to Remus, doubting the headmaster’s words.
James slowly stepped away from the solid door, his feet dragging as he reluctantly left without his missing friend. He glanced back frequently as Dumbledore herded the three of them back to the castle, not leaving them alone until they entered the Gryffindor common room.
"I’m not going to sleep a wink," he announced.
"But we have double Transfiguration in the morning," Peter protested weakly.
Sirius silenced the smaller boy with a glare. "So what? This is our mate we’re talking about here, and I don’t care what Dumbledore says, I don’t like this one bit."
"I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to. Those noises!" James shuddered. He glanced toward the window, his eyes drawn to the full moon. "You don’t suppose..."
"Suppose what?" Sirius asked, following James’ gaze and frowning.
"It’s a full moon tonight," James said slowly. "And I think it has been every time Remus staged one of his mysterious disappearances."
Peter stared at James, wide-eyed. "You mean Remus is a..."
"No." Sirius’ answer was sharp and curt. "No way, he’s our friend, we’d know something like that, plus there’s no way Dumbledore would have allowed it."
"And yet Dumbledore was there tonight, and he heard that noise and said that Remus would be fine tomorrow. He wouldn’t let us open the door, wouldn’t answer our questions, yet seems to know everything. It fits, Sirius," James replied. "And if it is true, well... He’s still Remus. No different than he was yesterday or last month or last year. A Marauder." James was working it out for himself as he spoke, and he realized he meant every word he said.
"No," Sirius repeated, this time more strongly. "He isn’t, he wouldn’t lie to us for all this time about something like that."
"James does have a point, Sirius," Peter offered.
"He hasn’t lied to us, not exactly," James pointed out. "It’s not as if he’s ever said, ‘I’m not a werewolf,’ to us. And if he were, well, if I were, I wouldn’t make a habit of announcing it to wizards. Werewolves aren’t very popular, you know."
"The hell he hasn’t! What do you call all those times it was ‘my mum’s ill’, or ‘I’ve got to do a special project’? Every bloody month it’s been something!" Hearing himself say that, Sirius paused in his rant, realizing that it had been every month that Remus vanished and just what that implied.
"I think it shows that he was afraid of how we’d react. How we are reacting," James replied, glancing from Sirius’ obvious anger to Peter’s fearful silence. "I think he just wanted to be like everyone else and have mates who weren’t afraid of him or looking sideways at him. And I for one am not going to get upset before I can talk to him myself."
"He’s still Remus, Sirius," Peter said in a small voice, clearly not wanting to lose one of his friends.
"He’s a bloody werewolf, and he lied to us!" Sirius spat back, having more trouble dealing with the second issue than the first. He’d grown up listening to his mother ranting about Mudbloods, half- breeds and ‘jumped up animals’, and he didn’t want to think he shared any of her prejudices, but this...
"I’m going to bed," he stated, suddenly unable to bear the looks James and Peter were giving him.
James and Peter exchanged a glance, but there was nothing more to be said, at least not yet.
Remus returned to the room he shared with his friends just before lunchtime the following day, shoulders slumped and seeming totally miserable. Dumbledore had spoken to him that morning, and he knew that James, Sirius and Peter had followed him the night before. And knowing them as he did, he had a fair idea that they would have puzzled out the truth.
His feet dragged as he went up the steps and slowed to a halt when he stepped inside their room and found all three of his chums there. Unable to meet their eyes, he shut the door behind him and leaned back against it, eyes shut.
"You know," he said in abject misery.
James felt sorry for him, but they had to get past this.
"We... guessed from what we saw and heard last night, but we don’t know anything."
Remus sighed heavily. "I’m a werewolf. Was bitten when I was little. I’ll speak to MacGonagall about getting another room. I’m sorry," he added in a small whisper.
"No!" Peter exclaimed, jumping up from his bed. "You can’t!"
"Why not?" Sirius asked, finally looking up at the others. "Our friendship can’t mean that much to him since he’s been lying to us all this time. Let him leave."
Remus winced, pain clearly visible in the amber eyes that opened and briefly met Sirius’ before focusing on the floor. "No, your friendship meant too much to me to lose it as I knew I would when you knew. I know it was selfish of me, but I wanted to keep your friendship as long as possible."
James opened his mouth to say something, then shut it again silently, shaking his head at Peter, who also seemed about to speak. The issue here was clearly between Remus and Sirius, and they were the ones who had to handle it.
"Why?" the dark-haired youth asked bluntly. "Why did you think you’d lose it? I thought we were mates, all of us; don’t mates trust each other?"
Remus laughed harshly. "I hate myself for being this thing, so why should I think anyone else would like it any better? We all know how werewolves are thought of, and rightfully so. That night I’m nothing but an animal, and who would want to be around that? I don’t!"
"That’s one night a month; we live with you the other twenty-nine or thirty, and we think you’re all right! Merlin, what a load of shite!"
"And if you’d managed to open that door last night, I would have killed you!" Remus yelled at him, angry, sad and frustrated all at once. "Killed and eaten you! And you wonder why I don’t want to tell people?!"
"Well, if you’d have told us what was going on, we wouldn’t have followed you!" Sirius shouted back. "Or maybe we could find a way to help; we’re not stupid, you know!"
"I never said you were stupid, you bloody prat! But if Dumbledore and MacGonagall and all the wizarding healers I’ve seen in the last decade can’t help me, I really don’t think anything can!"
"We’re the Marauders, we can do anything we bloody well put our minds to!" Sirius heard his own words and froze, his face contorting in a frown of concentration. We’re the Marauders. That was what it all boiled down to, wasn’t it? They’d taken a group of very different first years and forged themselves into a unit - a brotherhood, one that not even this could break.
"We’re Marauders," he repeated, looking to James and Peter to back him up. "Brothers."
James only nodded, smiling faintly as he met Remus’ befuddled gaze.
"But..." Remus sank to the floor where he stood, his eyes darting from one to the other, seeing smiles, if somewhat tentative, on all three faces. "You... still want to be my friends?"
"Why wouldn’t we want to be?" Peter asked, honestly confused.
"Mates don’t kick mates to the curb," Sirius said firmly, as if to convince himself as well as Remus. "We’re the Marauders, that’s all that matters. Now we just need to find a way to be able to keep you company during the full moon."
Remus stared at them. "You’re all mad," he announced. "That’s the only possible explanation. I should have Madame Pomfrey check you all out." He shook his head. "You don’t care?"
"No, we don’t," James replied. "Sure, maybe if we’d known before we knew you, but you’re not a werewolf who happens to be a fellow student; you’re our friend Remus who happens to be a werewolf."
Peter nodded. "Exactly."
"Besides," Sirius said, giving a thin smile, "if Snape gets too annoying, we can always set you on him, right?"
Remus flinched. That particular topic was one he couldn’t joke about, not after what had happened to him all those years ago.
"Of course we wouldn’t do that," James said hastily, seeing Remus’ reaction. "But at least now you won’t have to hide. Which reminds me, what was that place?"
Remus was grateful for the change of subject. "Headmaster Dumbledore built a shack for me that’s only accessible through that tunnel and planted the whomping willow over the entrance to protect it. That way I can’t hurt anyone."
"Sorry about that, Remus," Sirius muttered, moving closer to lay a tentative hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder. "You know me, talking without thinking most of the time."
Remus essayed a smile. "It’s when you do think that I’m surprised, Sirius."
"Prat," Sirius muttered, catching Remus by the shoulders and knuckling his head. James and Peter joined in the tussle, going easy on Remus as they could all see how gingerly he was moving. That was something else they’d have to speak of, but for now it was enough to know they were still together: the Marauders, unbeatable and unbreakable.
END
since 02-03-07
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