What am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that someone will catch me.
(Catch me doing what?)
I'm afraid that someone will find out --
(But there's nothing TO find out!)
One of the things which I carried with me when I emerged from the dark underworld of childhood was the absolute conviction (so deeply ingrained as to seem less an idea than a simple & obvious fact) that I -- alone amongst everyone else in the world -- do not have the right to exist.
Where did I get this strange & horrible idea?
From my parents, of course. From my Mommy & my Daddy.
People who know -- who believe -- that they DO have the right to exist (their conviction so deeply ingrained as to seem less an idea than a simple & obvious fact) -- they cannot understand what I'm saying. They say: "Just get over it." They say: "Well, now you know better, so forget about it & move on." They say: "You're an adult now, why do you still let this bother you?." They say: "You only suffer because you choose to suffer; it's nobody's fault but your own." They say: "You're weak." They say: "You're stupid." They say: "You're pathetic." They say: "You're worthless." They say: "You do not have the right to exist."
-- Fixable
