Takeo – We like to rant ‘cause ranting is good. Welcome to the Kongo show! (Camera backs up and Shuu runs on stage.)

Shuu – Hello everyone and welcome to the Kongo Show!

Audience – (mad clapping) Shuu Rei, Shuu Rei!

Shuu- (smiles) Last week on the show, we met most of the crew of YST. A few highlights from the show: Strange declarations of love and strange commercials. But today, we shall meet the boys from the other shrine owned by Takeo, the boys of Gundam Wing!

Audience – We want WuFei, we want WuFei!

$ Yes, WuFei is the crowds’ favorite. You should know why. Oi $

Shuu –Well then, the producer of this show wants to save the best for last.

$ Damn Right $

Shuu - ^_^;; Okay. Before we start, I want you to know that none of the GW boys know why they’re here, neither do I. Welcome the pilot of both Wing Zero and Wing Gundam, from the L1 colony, Heero Yuy!

Audience – Ohhh.

Shuu – Welcome to the show Heero, please, have a seat.

Heero – Hn. (He sits down) What am I doing here?

Shuu – I just want to ask a few questions. Is that all right with you?

Heero –Hn.

Shuu - ^-^; I take that as a yes. Ok. Do you like Relena Peacecraft?

Audience – Kill Relena damn it, kill her!

Heero – What they said.

Shuu – But, I’ve watched GW and you haven’t been able to do it. There are rumors that this Queen Relena has an invisible force shield that protects her from harm since she represents total pacifism.

Heero – Well that and the fact that Dorothy AKA Strange war loving lady with scary eyebrows has a thing for her.

Shuu – Well then, let’s bring out Dorothy.

Audience – Forked eyebrows, forked eyebrows! (Dorothy comes on stage and sits beside Heero.)

Dorothy – Hurry up and start a war!

Shuu & Audience - ^_^;;;

$ NO wars $

Shuu – So is it true that you love Relena Peacecraft?

Dorothy – Yes I do. She’s such a fine woman and is obviously not Heero’s type.

Heero – All too true. (A bundle gets delivered and Relena pops out).

Audience – Aiiee! Peace girl, crazy girl, help us!

Shuu – Stop that! (Audience stops fidgeting)

Relena – Heero, come back to me! (Heero screams and Dorothy restrains Relena. Relena eeps) Someone help me, she’ll hurt me, I swear.

Dorothy – There there Ms. Relena.

$ All of you, pick a seat, sit down and SHUT UP! $

Shuu – Do what the voice says. (Heero, Dorothy and Relena sit down) Good.

Heero – Am I the only person here?

Shuu – Actually no. Let’s welcome the pilot of Deathscythe and Deathscythe Hell, from L2, Duo Maxwell!

Audience - (Audience members with long braided hair wave their braids) Shinigami, Shinigami!

Shuu - ^_^;; (Duo runs out waving and shouting) Welcome Duo.

Duo – Great to be here Shuu-kun. Where’s Wu-baby?

Shuu – Wu-baby?

Duo – Yeah. Chinese like you, slender muscles, the sweetest body you’ve ever seen and of course, that cute ass of his. (Audience members promptly get nosebleeds)

$ Heehee $

Shuu – He isn’t here. But Duo, how do you feel being paired up with Hilde?

Duo – Hilde? Oi, she’s a nice girl but I certainly don’t like her that way.

Shuu – Understood. And what about you and Heero? The 1x2, 2x1, which do you prefer?

Duo – Heero and I? Hell no. It’s all abuse when I’m with that guy. Its always 1x2, 1x2. I want to meet a fic writer that LIKES 2x1.

Heero – You’re mine.

Duo – See, I’m not even with him and he’s so possessive. That’s why I love working with WuFei. As long as you don’t dress him as a woman, you have no problem with him. But then again, Wu likes being alone. It’s hard to get his attention, but you know, it’s all worth it in the end. And I’m very possessive of him. *BIG hentai grin *

Shuu – We need to go to a commercial. When we come back, Trowa and Quatre take a stand.

% Do you like cheese, on the go? %

Duo nods, grabbing a pack of babybel cheese.

% Do you like being able to defend yourself against hated pairings? %

Shot of Duo running from Heero and Hilde.

% Well, then, we combine your two problems and have come up with, (dramatic music) BabyDie, the cheese for bishounen on the go. In our handy pack of real delicious cheddar cheese, we have a special feature. A yoyo, which is a prize for you enjoying our product. It is made of Gundamium, guaranteed to knock out even the perfect soldier. %

Shot of Duo expertly handling the shiny black yoyo, hitting both Heero and Hilde out and unconscious. Duo smiles and jumps in the air.

" Thanks BabyDie, I think I’ll name you Shini!"

% Get BabyDie in any color you want. Please do not ingest the yoyo ‘cause you’ll choke and you don’t want that to happen. %

< Back to Kongo Show>

Duo – That was a neat commercial. Where do I get that?

Shuu – After the show, we’ll find out. Now, welcome Trowa Barton, pilot of the Heavy Arms from L3 and Quatre Raberba Winner, pilot of Sandrock from L4! (Trowa and Quatre walk on the stage and sit down)

Audience – The starry eyed, the starry eyed!

Shuu – o.0 Welcome Trowa and Quatre.

Quatre – Nice to be here, isn’t that right Trowa?

Trowa - …

Shuu – Ok, so what’s up with 3x4, 4x3?

Quatre – Well, there’s a lot more 3x4 than 4x3.

Trowa – But now, its 1x3

Heero – Damn right. Come over here Trowa. (Trowa sits in Heero’s laps)

Audience – Awwhhh.

Quatre – What the hell?

Shuu – So, whom do you pair up with?

Quatre – Have you heard of threesomes?

Shuu – Oi.

Dorothy – Shuu, don’t worry. Through a cycle of abuse, it will end up being 1x4. I’ve seen it.

Duo – She’s right you know.

Shuu – Ok. Since that didn’t make any sense, I present the pilot of Shenlong and Altron, both called Nataku mind you, from the L5 colony which is toast right now, please welcome our long awaited vistor, WuFei Chang!

Audience – WuFei, WuFei, WuFei!!! (WuFei walks shyly on stage, sword in hand in his Chinese shirt and pants, silk and white.)

$ Oh yeah. $

Shuu – Hello WuFei.

WuFei - …

Shuu – Another quiet type?

WuFei – Actually, I was wondering why the Peacecraft girl and Dorothy are here.

Shuu – Don’t ask.

Duo – Wu-baby! (runs over and glomps WuFei. Audience with massive nosebleeds)

$ From this moment, we shall be selling handkerchiefs for all nosebleed sufferers. $

WuFei – Hi Duo.

Duo – Hi there. Let’s get out of here.

WuFei – I can’t. Promised to answer a few questions and I’m here to answer them. Besides, GET OFF me!

Shuu – Stop that all right? Now why are both your gundams named Nataku?

WuFei – Simple. In memory of my dead wife Merian.

Merian – (pops out of nowhere) Who says I’m dead?

WuFei – Aiee! Duo help!

Duo – Damn it, at least Merian gets paired with Relena.

Merian – Excuse me? (Relena runs over and hugs Merian)

Dorothy – How dare you steal my Relena?

Noin – You have no right to call her your Relena. (Sally Po, Noin, Catherine, Iria and Lady Une appear)

Audience – They kick ass, they kick ass!

Sally – You, Merian will relinquish whatever hold you have over WuFei. He suffers too much because of your attitude and constant nagging.

Une – I’m glad I got over Treize, such a pimp.

Noin – Yeah, Zechs too.

Catherine – Finally, Trowa can forget Quatre.

Iria – Likewise. Our brothers are strange ne?

Zechs & Treize – Who wants to join our pimps in training?

Shuu – (twitching) I can’t believe this.

< Audience watch as all the ladies start screaming at each other. The GW boys are err, ok, well Duo and WuFei are, err, busy with one another, well, and Heero is with Trowa, well, Heero’s going down on Trowa, Quatre is being recruited by Treize and Zechs who keep patting his ass. >

Shuu – Commercial, NOW!

% Do you get bored? %

Shot of Duo nodding.

% Does your koi have a low alcohol tolerance level or prefers to be left alone? %

Shot of Duo and Quatre nodding as they see WuFei doing his katas, Heero typing away at his computer and Trowa watching lions.

% Then, get them drunk and bring them over to the club "Drunk off your Ass" the only club where bishounen are allowed in free! %

Duo gets WuFei drunk and dresses him up in a short purple dress and loosens all his hair. Quatre gets both Heero and Trowa to come promising a treat. They all go to the club. Duo is watching in fascination as WuFei dances on stage. Duo notices all the drooling people around his koi trying to grab him.

% Yes, getting your koi drunk might not be such a good idea, but remember, they also sell BabyDie cheese, the cheese of great taste, protection against hated pairings and of course, protecting your drop dead gorgeous koi high on alcohol. %

Duo grins and whips out his trusty Shini yoyo and knocks everyone unconscious. He then climbs on stage where WuFei is waiting and carries him back stage. A few moments later, clothes fly out from the door and moaning can be heard.

% Yes, club " Drunk off your Ass" come join us today! %

Shuu – I hope Touma didn’t see that commercial.

Touma – Yes I did!

Shuu – Oh hell. Okay, since all the women are frantically making out backstage and Treize and Zechs are now pimps, with Quatre as their lovely assistant, Heero and Trowa are now free and random 1x3’s and 3x1’s are bound to happen backstage as well. Duo and WuFei are gone; no doubt to the new club and 2x5 shall reign for the time being. And I doubt that WuFei saw that last commercial. He’s a dead boy, but goodnight everyone. Next week, we meet the cast of Digimon. See ya!

(Shuu goes off stage, only to be drowned in wine, courtesy of Touma, most of it going into his mouth. He hauls Shuu off and is heard discussing if a long or short dress would look good on Shuu.)

Stay tuned for more.