Takeo – We like to rant ‘cause ranting is good. Welcome to the Kongo show! (Camera backs up and Shuu runs on stage.)

Shuu – Hello folks!

Audience – Shuu Rei, Shuu Rei, Shuu Reiiiiii!

Shuu – Hello and welcome to another episode of the Kongo Show. Tonight, the cast of pokemon is here. They’ll all seated, so lets start the show.

$ Looking good Shu-kun $

Shuu – (flashes victory sign) I aim to please. (He sits down)

Shuu – Ok. First up is the star of pokemon. He’s cute, he’s between the age of 10 – 12, and he’s going to become the pokemon master of the world, welcome Ash Ketchum, also known as Satoshi!

Satoshi – Hi everyone. (waves)

Audience – Awwhhh! Such a cutie.

Shuu – So, your favorite pokemon is pikachu right?

Satoshi – Yes, she is, I also love all my other pokemon.

Shuu – we have a few clips of what we would like to call, err, the toastings of Satoshi. Roll the tape.

< Shot of Ash being beaten up by both Mankey and Primeape. Shot of Ash being shocked repeatedly by Pikachu, and of course, the ever popular Charmelon and Charizard flamethrowers, directed of course at Ash. >

Shuu – Apparently, you and Charizard don’t get along.

Satoshi – He doesn’t like me. (starts wailing)

Audience – Awwhhh (covers ears.)

Shuu- That’s all right. Bu let’s not discuss the pokemon. Our next guest is the stuck up arrogant, stick up his ass rival of Satoshi and all around jerk, let’s welcome Gary Oak also known as Shigeru!

Audience – Hahahahahaha!

$ Mockery, beautiful $

Shigeru – I’ll show you. Arcanine, fire blast. (nothing happens and audience laughs even harder)

Shuu – Sorry about that. Many people’s "weapons" don’t work unless they are given permission.

Shigeru – No problem. And I don’t have a stick up my ass.

Satoshi – Could’ve fooled me.

Shigeru – Shut up Ashy boy, you’ll always be a loser.

Satoshi – I’m not a loser you, you airhead!

Audience – o.0 Fightin’ words.

Shuu – Ok. ^_^; Let’s introduce the red head with an attitude to match Shigeru’s. She’s annoying, she’s bossy, she’s chasing Satoshi because of a bike, it’s Misty, also known as Kasumi.

$ Kasumi, grrr $

Kasumi – Hi Satoshi. And yes, I’m better than you Shigeru.

Shigeru – Talk to someone who cares loser.

Kasumi – Is that the only word in your vocabulary you "I can’t handle puberty?"

Audience – o.o even more fighting words.

Shuu - Ok. Lets introduce Brock, also known as hentai boy!

$ Damn right :snickers: $

Brock – I’m not a hentai. I just like watching Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys since Kasumi has nothing to offer.

Tracy – Yes she does.

Shuu – And this is the pokemon watcher, also hentai boy, Tracy!

Tracy – I’m a pokemon watcher.

Kasumi – Yeah right, he watches all female trainers, draws them in his sketchbook and has fantasies about them at night.

Tracy – I do not.

Kasumi – Yes you do.

Shuu – We’re going to a commercial now.

% Are your rivals getting on your nerves? %

Shot of Shigeru screaming loser at Satoshi.

% Are annoying red heads following you around? %

Shot of Satoshi running from Kasumi, wielding a melted puddle of metal and rubber.

% Are you being followed by not one, but TWO hentai boys on your journey? %

Shot of Tracy and Brock drooling like fools

% Then you need Pikazard, a new improved pokemon from a mix of everyone’s favorite spit fir dragon, Charizard and that evilly cute and demented Pikachu. Pikachu’s cuteness hids the raging fire of Charizard. This pokemon will destroy, stomp, shock, and barbecue all imbeciles who dare to challenge YOUR right to peace and quiet. It works effectively on humans and pokemon alike. If you reward Pikazard with a treat every now and then, it’s guaranteed to be faithful to you forever and never question your advice or talk back. To order your Pikazard, please call 1 800 DIEPOKE %

Satoshi standing beside Pikazard, everyone one cowering before him.

"Thanks a lot Pikazard, I’m taking you home!"

% P.S. We are not responsible for the sudden depletion in both the human and pokemon race alike. Warning: If you are someone who looks at people funny, please be advised NOT, we repeat, NOT to look at Pikazard. It will chew you up and eat you for lunch. %

(back to the show. All the guests and host alike have a strange expression on their faces)

Shuu - ^-^;;; Pay no attention to that.

Satoshi – I am sooo getting that Pikazard.

Shuu – Ok, we need to talk about the love hate relationships in Pokemon. According to this list, it says that Satoshi and Shigeru are an item despite the bitter rivalry. Said rivalry could be there because their parents probably couldn’t handle yaoi and traumatized their children by raping or just because Shigeru has a stick up his ass, he won’t admit to his feelings for our beloved Satoshi.

Shigeru – They’re right. I have been so wrong to hurt you my love. Please let me make it up to you.

Satoshi – All right, strip, then strip me, and then we’ll make hot steamy love! (audience whips out cameras, fic writers cackle with laugher but also take pictures and note positions. Shuu thankfully opens a trap door and the two get dropped on a bed.)

Shuu – Modern conveniences. The next pairing is Tracy and Professor Oak?

Tracy – Finally, someone out there sees that I’m not a hentai attracted to women, I’m attracted to Professor Oak, and I want him to tie me up and spank me and call me a naughty boy!

Prof. Oak – Usually, I would run away screaming, but I think I’ll do just that again. (runs off with Tracy hot on his heels)

Tracy – I love you!

Prof. Oak – Love someone else!

< They exit the studio>

Shuu - ^_^;;; Okay. Next is Brock and Kojiro, also known as James from Team Rocket.

& Yes, Kojiro is sexy for someone so stupid $

Kojiro – I’ll take you for a ride.

Brock – Yes master.

< follows Kojiro out, Kojiro using a rose as bait, or maybe it’s the way he’s shaking his ass. >

Shuu – That wasn’t so bad. Last but not least, Annoying Kasumi with Jesse!

Jesse – What?

Kasumi – I agree.

Jesse – Our men left us. Let’s get together to spite them.

Shuu – Commercial!

% Are you sick of your love puppy running off? %

Shot of Tracy running after Professor Oak.

% Do you dress up so nicely, only to be unappreciated? %

Professor Oak covers a nosebleed as Tracy lies on his keyboard, dressed in a see through Pikachu outfit. SEE through. He wiggles his bottom and smiles.

% Then call 1 800 ERO RIDE. Once you get the objection of your affection into our, ahem, special room, pheromones will invade their system and they will lust after you until you’re satisfied. %

Shot of Tracy being screwed by an overly excited Professor Oak.

"Oh Professor, I didn’t know you were so manly!"

% Call today and be ready for the ride of your life! %

$ Oh hell no ^_^;; $

Shuu - ^_^;;;;; Okay. That’s all for tonight. We don’t even WANT to discuss the pairings among the actual pokemon because most of Satoshi’s pokemon WILL rape Pikachu for stealing the spotlight. Next week, we’ll be having a special edition of the Kongo show. We play the dating game with the most sought after GW boy, WuFei Chang!

Stay tuned for more.