Takeo – We like to rant ‘cause ranting is good. Welcome to the Kongo show! (Camera backs up and Shuu runs on stage.)

Shuu – Hello everyone! We’re going to a quick commercial, so hang ten.

% Are you tried of drooling bakas following your beloved pilot when he already has a koibito? %

Shots of WuFei being cuddled by Duo while Treize, Heero and Sally seethe in anger.

% Are you a gundam who loves protecting her pilot and his lover? %

Shot of Altron AKA Nataku shedding a tear as WuFei cries about Duo’s possible death.

% Are you determined to make sure that absolutely NO one gets in the way of their happiness? %

Shot of Duo defending WuFei with the Shini yoyo.

% Then call 1 800 NATAKUS. I am DeathscytheHell, AKA Shinigami. I, along with Nataku will kill, maim, and destroy ANY being that dares to step between Duo and WuFei. Call today to join our ever-growing supporters of 2x5, 5x2 and join the battle today. %

Shuu – Oh hell.

Audience – Shuu Rei, the cuddly one, the cuddly one.

Shuu – Nice chant. Today is a special edition of the Kongo Show. Today’s guest is that exquisite bishounen of GW, WuFei Chang!

Audience - (drools and whips out Digichief, the savior of nosebleeds!)

WuFei – Hi everyone. (Several nose bleeds. Digichief was not designed to handle the stress of the WuFei factor. Oh well)

Shuu – Today, we’re here to set you up on a date because all the people around you are drooling bakas ne?

WuFei – Damn right Shu-kun.

Shuu – Ok, the bachelors or bachelorettes have chosen secret names.

WuFei – All right.

Shuu- Ok, say hi Bach.1.

Bach1 – Hi you sexy slender dragon. I’m Rosey.

WuFei – Sounds like a guy. Hi Rosey.

Rosey – He said hi!

Shuu – Ok. Say hi Bach.2

Bach2 – Hello my shinning star of the night, no one will stand in my way. And my name’s Dex.

WuFei – Sounds like a guy too.

Shuu – Ok, say hi Bach.3.

Bach3 - Hello. I shall defeat these fools in your honor. My name’s Curl.

WuFei – Curl? An onna.

Shuu – Okay WuFei. Instead of you asking the questions, the bachs will ask you questions.

WuFei – Ok, I guess.

Shuu – Dex, you go first.

Dex – If I where to lock you up with me in my gundam and we blasted off to space, would you let me blast off in you?

Audience – (understands the hidden message and start coughing nervously. They can see who all the guests are, and more coughing ensures)

WuFei – Hell no!

Dex – You cannot refuse me.

WuFei – Watch me.

Shuu – Okay. The answer is no. Next up, Rosey.

Rosey – If I where to tie you in my bed and shower you with roses and then ram my manhood into you, would you scream my name?

Dex – Hell no he wouldn’t.

WuFei – Are you crazed, no!

Shuu – Ok. Curl?

Curl – If I where to save you from all this madness and take you to the arms of the one that truly loves you, would you at least listen to what he has to say?

WuFei – Yes, I would.

Dex – That was a lame question, don’t you want to screw him silly Sally? I know I want to. And make him submit to me, and call me the perfect one.

Sally – Shut the (beep) up Heero. You’re a boy with no feeling at all.

Rosey – WuFei cannot go with you. His heart belongs to me. I fought once with him, how I wish it were with a different set of swords.

Heero – Go screw someone your age, old man. You too, old woman.

WuFei - That’s it, I’m fleeing this madness.

< All the lights go out and a purple light centers on an approaching figure. >

Audience – Duo!

Duo – Hi everyone.

WuFei – Not you too. < pulls out sword>

$ Not that one, geez. ¬.¬$

Duo – I’m afraid so. Unlike those, ahem, people fighting back there, I love you. I love you for everything you are; you are the perfect complement of my lust to kill. You are justice and your bring reasoning into my bloody joy for death. Some of the things suggested are nothing compared to what I would do to you. Yes, I may tie you up, but you’ll be on silk sheets, in a velvet cat costume, crawling into my heart, stirring my desire aflame.

I’ll take you gently, and in the most perfect way possible. This will be suffering enough for me. Then you’ll tie me up and watch me with those beautiful eyes of yours. Your hands and lips, their touch so experienced as if you were born to seduce and torture people to ecstasy, but you smile shyly, your innocence and inexperience shinning through. That is when I shall truly take you, for you deserve the best, and I have been bred with both how to touch and with experience, but my touch can never rival yours.

Audience – Awwhhh.

Random ficwriters – Say yes, please.

WuFei – Okay.

Audience – Yay! 2x5, 2x5, 2x5.

Treize – 13x5

Audience – Get lost old man!

< Treize, Sally and Heero hear WuFei’s answer to Duo and they all immediately pounce Duo. Roses, guns, scythes and injections can be see flying around in the huge dust ball that the fighters have created. WuFei slips something into Duo’s pocket. Then, he runs away>

Shuu – Commercial!

% Do you have trouble with winning over your secret crush? %

Shot of Duo stripping in front of WuFei. WuFei pulls out his sword. Duo eeps and falls on the floor.

% Does your crush fight for justice, is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and won’t love you because you are a "braided baka"?

Shot of Duo watching as WuFei steps out of his gundam and tells them that they’ve been tricked by Oz. Everyone is STILL drooling and only Heero actually hears what WuFei is saying.

% Then please call 1 800 BRAIDED. We’ll help you through your obsession. All you need is a glimpse of WuFei naked and all resolve will be cemented in your mind, giving you the courage to make sweet sweet love to the raven haired boy and NOT lose your life trying. Commercial paid for by the Foundation of Duo want WuFei association. %

Shuu – We, have to go now. See you all later!

(Cut!)

Shuu – I’m hungry, anyone got any food?

Touma – I’m hungry too you know…

Shuu – No Touma, stop that thought right eep!

< A very hungry Touma tackles Shuu. Touma whips out chocolate syrup and whipped cream and smirks evilly>