Hello, I'm Stuart. I'm 24 and like going to the cinema, socialising, winding up strangers and playing the electric guitar. It was obvious to me with this assignment that the expected thing would be to let rip with my usual verbal diarrhoea and a dash of bile. Not actually being a hateful person, I decided instead to drivel on about things I like. To save unkind souls the bother of slating me, I confess I am no Lester Bangs but I'm not Daniel Booth either.

The imminent NWA reunion is well worth looking out for. As in most reunions, the sheer front of reconciliation is often the highlight for the impartial observer. Watching Glen Matlock play 'Anarcy In The UK' alongside Rotten, Cook and Jones, while knowing they took turns wanking into his lunchtime baguette was hilarious enough, but Ice Cube sharing a stage with a band who augmented their second LP with a threat to, "cut off his hair and fuck him with a broomstick" takes forgiveness to a new plateau. Their new track 'Chin Check' on the Next Friday OST was tremendous. Barring Belle & Sebastian, they're the world's most dangerous band.

While I acknowledge that the way Steps and their like are force-fed to kids is tantamount to (cultural) child abuse, some of the most inventive, modern-sounding music of late is in the Top Ten. Recent singles by the likes of Destiny's Child and Jordan Knight have much more relevance than most of the music found in the Wire. Richard James' influence can also be heard on Christina Aguilera's 'Genie In A Bottle'. Shame her follow-ups are more indebted to Queens of Hell Whitney and Mariah.

The final curtain beckons. I'll be better prepared next month (?) so watch out (you slutt!!!). Have a good month. Don't crash your cars. Treat animals as people (not sexually). I'll now abandom the sentence format and opt for lists instead.

GOOD SHOWS: Primal Scream (Barrowland), ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead (Edinburgh), Godspeed You Black Emperor! (Aberdeen), Papa M (Glasgow), SFA (ATP).

GOOD RECORDS: The Zephyrs 'It's OK Not To Say Anything', SFA 'Mwng', Arovane 'Atol Strap', The Music Machine 'Turn On', ISAN 'Salamander'.

WORD OF THE MONTH: Distortion

Stuart Leslie Braithwaite HND xx