Main Stories
More Stories
Staff
Submissions
Contact us
Webmasters
Archive
SatireSearch
Links
Cher To Receive Full Body Transplant
- Los Angeles, CA

By Cherry Bombe

Just weeks ago, Cher received the grim news that future cosmetic surgeries are an impossibility. "Bottom line, there's just nothing left to nip or tuck," Dr. Robert Slicem, head surgeon of Cher's personal team of plastic surgeons, said. Slicem went on to say that "her skin has been stretched and stitched so many times that it's practically falling apart."

Rather than being daunted by this news, though, Cher intends to persevere. Having known long ago that this day would come, she has already funded research towards the innovation of a full-brain transplant, which will entail removing her brain and brain stem and fusing it to the spinal cord in a new body.

"I don't really mind having to get a new body," Cher said. "I know I've put a lot of time and money into this one, but really, it's what's on the inside that counts. And by inside, I mean figuratively, like your mind, of course, since the innards won't be mine either."

With the research and development complete, all that remains to be seen now is the acquisition of a suitable body. A donor is expected to surface by early next year. Until then, Cher is sustaining herself on a diet of blood drawn from young virgins.



Copyright The Fake News 2002. All Rights Reserved.


Back to Main Stories

EMAIL THIS LINK
The Fake News is not meant to be taken seriously. All names are made up, except for celebrities, whose names are used satirically.