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"Who Wants To Have Enormous Breasts" To Be Added To Fox Schedule


Written by Jimmy Wellington

The programming geniuses at Fox look like they will have another breakout hit on their hands with the new game show "Who Wants To Have Enormous Breasts?" The show is set to premiere at 9:00 pm on Tuesdays in the Fall Season. The show is from the same production team responsible for "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?", the game show that was extremely popular for a season, before the viewing public realized that they really couldn't stand Regis Philbin.

A group of 10 women per episode are pitted against each other in a battle of brains, beauty, and sheer desperation. The woman that is judged the winner is awarded the grand prize of a free breast enlargement procedure performed by acclaimed plastic surgeon Dr. James Raque. Dr. Raque refused to charge the show for the procedures, in exchange for being allowed to keep copies of the "After" pictures for his own personal use. Unlike the Philbin hosted show, this new show guarantees that there will be a grand prize winner every show.

She's admired for her personality...really!

The show will be a mixture of trivia questions, along with a beauty contest. The final score for each contestant will be calculated using the formula of: Brains - 5%, Beauty - 95%. The contests will first be asked to answer a series of questions in the knowledge portion, which lasts for 5 minutes. Sample questions are: "Who is the current President of the United States?", and "What is the name of the street that you live on?" There will also be visual questions, such as: "What are the two colors on this stop sign?", and "Is this man wearing a dress or a suit?". The last question was actually a trick question, since the picture was of Dennis Rodman.

The beauty contest, which comprises the remaining 38 minutes of airtime, is divided up into several different sections. These include "Wet T-Shirt Contest", "Bikini Strut-Off", and "Pole Dance." These will be judged by a panel of entertainment executives, and the waiting list for this position is reportedly the longest in recorded history.

Show executives say that they had received a large number of applicants, however over 90% of the applicants failed to meet the required contestant criteria of both never previously having had breast enlargement surgery, and currently maintaining a residence in Los Angeles, so producers were forced to take their search nationwide. In doing so, they were able to assemble a much larger pool of eligible contestants.

The youngest applicant was 16 year old Cutiana Lopez of Bismark, SD. Cutiana, whose stage name is "Cu-Lo", is trying to break into the music industry, managed by her mother Cindy. Mrs. Lopez was required to to sign off on a waiver in order for her daughter to be considered. Cindy thinks that it's a career opportunity that her daughter cannot miss out on. "Just look at that Britney Spears, and how her career took off after her breasts suddenly blossomed in the span of a week. I mean, are we really supposed to believe that she was on a milk I.V.?"

In a sign that the apocalypse may not be upon us, producers turned down Miss Lopez' request. A spokesman said, "We just felt that it would generate too much negative publicity. We already have N.O.W. and many other organizations picketing outside our building, that would have been just too much."

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