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Reporters Finally Design "Middle East Violence Template" - Tel Aviv Weary of spending hours trying to develop new ways to tell their readers about the ongoing violence in the Middle East, reporters from all over the world have collaborated on a template for all future stories related to either Israeli military assaults on Palestine, or Palestinian suicide bombings in Israel. Though some consider the development unprofessional, the reporters are unapologetic about the “Mid-East Beat Cheat Sheet”, as those in the know are referring to the template. One unidentified writer gave us a quick sound bite: “You try writing the same story every day for years on end. First of all nobody in our own country gives a flying fuck what the hell is going on if it’s not taking place in the US, so people in America won’t even bother reading it. As for people in other parts of the world, I mean come on, can they even read?” The Fake News has risked life and limb to obtain a copy of this document, highly classified within the journalist community. Unfortunately, we can’t let you see it, or else we might be ostracized by the rest of the...what’s that? You really want to see it? But we...lapdance from your sister? Well...all right...
Violence In The Middle East – (something about the actual event) (number) people, (number) men and (number) women, were killed and close to (make up a number) were injured, some of them seriously, when a suicide bomber set off his explosives on (place of incident) in (city) at around (time and date). The names of (number) of the bombing victims were released for publication later Thursday night: (Make up some middle eastern sounding names). (name of camel fucking group) took responsbility for the attack. (pad out with specific sounding, but entirely made up statistics and quotes from made up sources.) (Don’t worry, at this point nobody is still reading) (Seriously, you can start talking about your college “experiments” with blow up dolls and peanut butter and nobody will ever know).
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