---- Article Appears Courtesy of Glossy News ----

"Crime is on the downturn," reports Northpoint City Mayor Michael Burgmann. "and I think the reason is clear." The reason, of course is the newest crime deterrent manufactured and marketed by Preventech Corp. of Hatfield, Michigan.

The product, coined the "Scare-Pimp" works according to the instinctive patterns of both pimps and their contract employees. "They're a territorial breed," explains Ronnie Newman, CEO of Preventech. "You only get one per block and that's it. They don't break the pimping grounds rule."

The principle is simple, one scare pimp is placed on a corner of each known problem area. They are built slightly larger than the standard pimp, in order to deter confrontation. When confrontations do arise, the Scare-Pimps cool nature and ability to play silent typically defuses any problems. Many are placed beside cardboard cutouts of Cadillacs with tinted windows, while others have one or more "scare-hoes" by their sides.

"We experimented early on with models that would smoke a cigar or a crack pipe, but found their straw composition to be too combustible. Fireproofing a bunch of hay like that was nearly impossible, since we already had to scotch guard the damn things for rain, so we just added a few more gold chains. Pretty much did the trick."

Law enforcement officials have applauded the program since its inception and have continued to find new applications. They are also capable of attracting vice-crime violators who have been seen attempting to talk with the scare pimp for as long as 45 minutes.