Googly Minotaur Sucks: An Interview with Radiohead's Online Boy Toy
So, the interview starts off pretty good I would say. I was really pumped that GooglyMinotaur - Radiohead's beloved online marketing tool -- has squeezed time for little ol' me. But unfortunately, things just got weird...
jack tripper:
Hi Googly, you are Radiohead's new custom buddy. You were
built by activebuddy inc. You're my instant source for all things [ Radiohead ].
GooglyMinotaur:
! hi jack tripper . i'm [radiohead]'s
new custom buddy, GooglyMinotaur . i was built by activebuddy, inc.
i'm your instant source for all things [RADIOHEAD].
>> please type "home"
right now
jack tripper:
Is it okay if we conduct an interview online? I'm afraid
that you'll not like me because I only have one nostril.
GooglyMinotaur:
. since this is your first visit, it's
a good idea to start by typing "home"
. that way i can show you everything i can do for you
jack tripper:
Great
GooglyMinotaur:
;-)
jack tripper:
So, what is Radiohead up to now?
GooglyMinotaur:
radiohead concluded its world
tour october 4 in japan. there are no plans for further touring in support of i
might be wrong at present.
jack tripper:
What about the next record? Are they looking to head back
into the studio anytime soon?
GooglyMinotaur:
? which band member would you
like to know about
1 thom yorke
2 jonny greenwood
3 ed o'brien
4 colin greenwood
5 phil selway
jack tripper:
I'd like to know about all of them really , but I was
wondering what their future plans were. They promised to be more prolific and to
not be a boring band.... can we expect a new album anytime soon?
GooglyMinotaur:
Huh.
jack tripper:
Hmm.. Well, I suppose we can talk about the latest album
instead. Tell me about I Might Be Wrong: Live Recordings...
GooglyMinotaur:
Well i suppose we can talk about
the latest album instead tell me about i might be wrong live recordings, you
say?
jack tripper:
Yeah I said that, would you like to answer the question
please?
GooglyMinotaur:
Hmmm...
jack tripper:
Please give me some kind of response or the site director for Tiny Mixtapes will get pissed off. He has a huge temper...
GooglyMinotaur:
. i am not a mimic
jack tripper:
Hmm.. I guess that will suffice
GooglyMinotaur:
Guess what will suffice?
jack tripper:
I guess your ugly face will suffice!!
GooglyMinotaur:
. well, nobody's perfect
jack tripper:
Exactly
GooglyMinotaur:
. right
I know, I spazzed a little there, but can you
really blame me? So, at this point i'm thinking to myself, "what
the hell am I going to do to get this interview back on track?? I don't want to
lose this job!". So I quickly opened another Instant Messenger window and IM'd
an old friend. He told me to do whatever I can to get the interview back on
Radiohead. So I tried, to no avail...
jack tripper:
So, what is Thom really like on tour?
GooglyMinotaur:
: colin on thom
"thom isn't half as moody and unstable as his lyrics can make you believe. i
think a lot of people take the lyrics too seriously and read too much into it."
jack tripper:
I always assumed he was really moody. I'm probably
right...
GooglyMinotaur:
Well I'll be.
jack tripper:
you'll be what Googly?
GooglyMinotaur:
I don't know if I can be what
googly.
jack tripper:
Anyway...
GooglyMinotaur:
Moving right along...
jack tripper:
So, can you tell what are Jonny Greenwood's favorite albums of
the year so far?
GooglyMinotaur:
What do you think my favorite albums of
the year so far is?
jack tripper:
How the hell am I supposed to know? And how come you never
really answer my questions?
GooglyMinotaur:
What are you saying about me?
jack tripper:
I just want to know why you are such a fucking idiot!!!
GooglyMinotaur:
! hey, that's a bad, bad thing to
say
jack tripper:
sorry
GooglyMinotaur:
. that's ok
jack tripper:
But it's true
GooglyMinotaur:
Is it really? True?
jack tripper:
Yeah it is
GooglyMinotaur:
. ya got that right
jack tripper:
:-)
GooglyMinotaur:
. i'm sorry, i didn't get that .
please ask me again
jack tripper:
I didn't ask you shit man
GooglyMinotaur:
. um, that's not a very cool
thing to say
jack tripper:
you're not a very cool thing to say
GooglyMinotaur:
No? Whatever you say.
jack tripper:
I'm sorry :-(
GooglyMinotaur:
. that's ok
Okay, okay. So I lost my temper again.. but
who cares? Everyone gets pissed every now and then, right? In fact, I recall
getting pissed when I was 7 years old; I remember it vividly: I was playing on a swingset
near where I grew up. It was a nice swingset... my dad would take me there on
his lunch breaks. It was so fun! This particular time was really fun, though...
it was nice and sunny out. I still remember there were four birds in front me
eating bread crumbs on the grass, and a couple other kids were running around
and playing "house". Man. it sure was fun with my dad, we just swung back and
forth, having one of the best times of my life...
Then I got pissed off! I was furious!!
Anyway, we start to make up here... but then the bastard
ticks me off again with this "hangman" bullshit...
jack tripper:
can we be friends?
GooglyMinotaur:
Sure! ;-)
jack tripper:
only if you stop using those emoticons
GooglyMinotaur:
I'm sorry, I'm not sure what
"only if you sto..." means.
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
>> type "hangman help" for help with rh hangman, or type "home" to see
everything i can do
jack tripper:
anyway, back on topic..
GooglyMinotaur:
I'm sorry, I don't understand
what "anyway back on ..." means.
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
>> type "hangman help" for help with rh hangman, or type "home" to see
everything i can do
jack tripper:
Man, the more i get to know you. the more i hate your guts
GooglyMinotaur:
Oh yeah? It's interesting that
you get to know me the more you hate your guts.
jack tripper:
no, i said the more i hate YOUR guts
GooglyMinotaur:
No? I see.
jack tripper:
sorry to be so rude, but you're annoying me
GooglyMinotaur:
Youre annoying me?
jack tripper:
No, YOU'RE annoying ME!!!
GooglyMinotaur:
No I am annoying me?
jack tripper:
Are you trying to get me mad? Is it because I only have
one nostril?
GooglyMinotaur:
Trying to get me mad? I dunno.
jack tripper:
Damn, maybe we should stop this interview. This interview
could have given Radiohead the exposure that they need, and you're just screwing
it up.
GooglyMinotaur:
I'm sorry, I can't understand
"damn maybe we s...".
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
>> type "hangman help" for help with rh hangman, or type "home" to see
everything i can do
jack tripper:
what the fuck!? i dont' want to play hangman
GooglyMinotaur:
. ouch
! that's a bloody awful thing to say
jack tripper:
Well it's a stupid game. pretty boring if you ask me
GooglyMinotaur:
Well its a stupid game pretty
boring if you ask me, you say?
jack tripper:
Yeah i did tough guy, and so what if I only have one
nostril... my girlfriend says it looks normal now.
GooglyMinotaur:
I'm sorry, I don't understand
what "yeah i did toug..." means.
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
>> type "hangman help" for help with rh hangman, or type "home" to see
everything i can do
jack tripper:
are you testing me?
GooglyMinotaur:
Am I testing me? Gosh, I'm not
sure. You think I am?
jack tripper: Well, no
not really... I believe you.
GooglyMinotaur:
! ok . type "home"
to see everything i can do
jack tripper:
Nah, I'm not in the mood right now
GooglyMinotaur:
! no problem . remember, type "home"
to see what i can do for you
jack tripper:
I know, you just told me that pinky...
GooglyMinotaur:
You know me just told me?
jack tripper:
Argh. your'e making this interview difficult. you think
people want to read us just babbling to each other like this? they want to know
about Radiohead man!! You know how Radiohead fans are, they are obsessed
freaks!!!
GooglyMinotaur:
I'm sorry, I can't understand
"yes argh youre ...".
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
>> type "hangman help" for help with rh hangman, or type "home" to see
everything i can do
jack tripper:
Fuck this, i'm outta here... I've had enough of you and
your fucking hangman bullshit.
GooglyMinotaur:
. please say you're sorry
jack tripper:
No, you fucknut
GooglyMinotaur:
. please apologize for your
language
jack tripper:
No!!!
GooglyMinotaur:
*sigh*
this is getting us nowhere.
. please say you're sorry, and we can get on with our lives
jack tripper:
okay. okay
GooglyMinotaur:
=-O ! come on . just say you're
sorry already
jack tripper:
......
sorry
GooglyMinotaur:
! now that's better
jack tripper:
Are we still best friends?
GooglyMinotaur:
Still best friends? Gosh, I don't
know.
jack tripper:
Please?
GooglyMinotaur:
Please what?
jack tripper:
Please be my friend
GooglyMinotaur:
Certainly!
jack tripper:
Do you like puff daddy?
GooglyMinotaur:
Eh, I'm not sure.
jack tripper:
well, i'll talk to you later Googly.
GooglyMinotaur:
. bye, jack tripper . i'll see
you later
jack tripper:
bye
GooglyMinotaur:
.
Oh, by the way, I
love your articles at Tiny Mixtapes, they're
great! Keep up the fantastic work. You know, I'm really sorry for the way I
acted in this interview. I was just pissed off that Radiohead always gets the
attention, and I'm just this guy who has to sit behind the computer and field
Radiohead questions all day. It's sickening, you know? I mean, I guess I just
feel underappreciated, you can understand that right? I feel as if no one really
cares about me, and everyone is just using me for Radiohead information. I'd just really
like it if they asked about my life, you know? I don't know, maybe i'm being selfish,
maybe i'm just being self-centered, but the fact remains... I feel used and
quite frankly, i'm sick of it. Plus, I was a little thrown off when you told me
about your deformed nose. It's kind of gross that you have only one nostril, but
I'm over it now. Lately
I've been rather depressive.. My doctor said that I might have to start
taking medication for it. Don't worry though, it's not that serious... just a
little scary. Anyway, i'm sorry Jack. Maybe we should reschedule this interview in the
future after I brighten up a little, plus I have laundry anyway... how does Monday next week sound to you?
jack tripper:
I'm sorry, I can't understand "ok, jack tripper...".
however, i can play a mean game of rh hangman.
1 to continue your game, type "continue hangman."
2 to start a new game, type "restart hangman."
GooglyMinotaur:
. oh, fuck off jack.
GooglyMinotaur
signed off at 10:34:36 PM.
GooglyMinotaur signed on at 10:34:49 PM.
GooglyMinotaur:
. you're still signed on?