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Little Jonny walks into the living room and sees his father drinking a beer.

"Dad, can I have a beer?"

"Well son," his father replies, "can you touch your dick to your ass?"

"No," says Jonny.

"Well then, you can't have a beer."

Later that day, Jonny sees his Dad smoking a cigar.

"Dad, can I have a cigar?"

"Well Jonny, can you touch your dick to your ass?"

"No," Jonny replies.

"Then you can't have a cigar."

Jonny goes into the kitchen and comes out with a plate of cookies.

"Jonny, can I have a cookie?" his Dad asks.

"Well Dad, can you touch your dick to your ass?"

"Yes I can," his father says.

"Then you can go fuck yourself, cuz these cookies are mine!"