All in my head

Standing in the shower,
(nothing ever seems cleansing anymore)
trying to steady myself,
(all stability destroyed)
I wonder if this is supposed to happen.
My body feels contorted.
My stomach twists one way,
my lungs another.
Never getting a real breath,
I fight the urge
to just give up.
This God they preach of,
this God I once knew,
Is he looking down on me now?
Is he crying?
Is he angry?
Is he waiting with wounded arms
open wide
or is he staring
in wrathful condemnation?
In my state of pathetic despair,
can one so holy,
so perfect,
feel any emotion
other than disgust
towards me?
I feel a small sting
from the back of my leg.
It reminds me of the feeling I get
directly before the blood.
(One more manner
in which I have defied him.)
I look down.
Nothing.
I guess it was all in my head,

But isn’t everything?
1/18/02
12:59 AM

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