If you've ever wanted to be me

All in the same ten seconds
All with the same few squares
Of generic school toilet paper,
I wiped the tears from my face….
As well as the vomit from my fingers.
All in the same twisted effort
To achieve the impossible,
I sacrificed my health
My hope
And my pride.
Over and over
But now, there’s nothing but liquid
Stomach acid, I suppose
And I still know it’s not all out
But what can I do
Besides sit here and suck up my tears?
Suck it up and deal with it.
I’ve done all I can tonight.
There’s always tomorrow.
Maybe I’ll be more careful next time
Not to lean so far over
So that it doesn’t escape through my nose
(The worst unnatural outlet)
Maybe I’ll remember the bitterness
of my own stomach acid
and the burning in my throat.
Maybe I’ll decide it’s not worth it
or maybe I’ll tell myself
that there’s no other choice,
no other way out of the mess I’ve created for myself
like I always do.
For anyone who has ever used the phrase
“I wish I could have an eating disorder, just for one day”
followed by a light, silly laugh,
this is your inside look.
So, tell me….
Is it really worth it,
Even for just one day?

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