Ignored

I’m sitting in the chair
Across from your bed...
Alone.
I feel like something
Has sucked the air out of me.
It’s like my chest is caving in
And it’s all I can do
To firm the muscles in my face
To keep from its natural deformation
When I start to cry
Anxiety isn’t the word
Loneliness
Desperation
I never can seem to find
Something that fits the way I feel.
One word can not do justice
To whatever this is
I don’t suppose a thousand could.
You’re back now
Pounding on your guitar
Not seeming to be aware of me.
So I continue to write
And I continue to force the idea
That I am okay into my head
But I’m not.

9/10/01 7:00 p.m.

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