Statistics

I’m holding back tears
reading these statistics
I never thought I could become so emotional
over numbers
But if I think again,
I suppose I’ve done that for years now.
I shed tears this morning
over a 6
And yesterday
over 140
And now
over thousands of women
who have done the same
It’s been three years
since I wore that dress
And the tears it required then
are far from worth the number
And I keep thinking,
I’m not supposed to feel this way
I keep thinking
I’m better than this
But I’m slowly forgetting
what that really means
And my heart is this meld of cold tears and boiling anger.
Why?!
Why do I live in a constant state of comparison?
Why am I never good enough for this society that claims
truth and freedom?
Why do I have to be good enough for them
to be good enough for myself?
Why do any of us?
150,000
150,000 American women
each year just can’t try
any harder
150,000 women are caged
are deprived of the oxygen of hope
and the freedom of imperfection
inside of this “liberating” society

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