- inspirations from Canada
august 1999
-
- i want to stop being an oblivious american
i want to save the rainforest
and the whales
and the cockroaches
i want to be an instrument of peace
i want to meet God
somewhere out over the water
and i want Them to tell me They're proud.
i want a cup of coffee
i want you
i want to take pictures
further
i want freedom!
or something.
i want a ska concert in my front yard
i want albert einstein to be my dad
i want to be a popular kid
with cool hair.
i want to be brutally honest
an iconoclast with a cult following
...to make thefuckingpointlessdifference
i want a donut.
DARE TO FABRICATE THE WAKING DREAM.
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- you may be The Anti-Time
october 1999
-
- a very very old man
squeezes his wet and wrinkled fingers into fists
and thinks about his life.
his weak heart cries under
the burden of his troubles.
he lifts his face to the sky and says to the universe,
"mr. jones, i am ready to die."
his mother, somewhere, groans
and the doctor lifts her new baby boy
into the critical too-bright morning.
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-
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- her, alone in the middle of nowhere
october 1999
-
- she asks me what this sweat is worth
i tell her nothing. nothing at all.
- solitary confinement is what her song claims,
but she always smiles knowingly when they joke
her about the unshuttered windows to her soul.
- windows of hard, clear rock
nothing but the light comes in
nothing but the light comes out
- there is no barbed wire
or armed guard
only solid transparent stone.
- it is so infuriating.
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-
-
- pavement
october 1999
-
- anna is rainy autumn nights
and crumpled paint tubes
anna is long black skirts
and combat boots
she is liquid and flowing and misunderstood
anna is caffeinated moonlight
anna breaks things in her mind
sometimes just to watch the steam rise.
she dreams of machines
and her lonely binary future.
they turn the lights off and she leaves.
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- mayo and pudding
for my talented friend
january 2000
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- BILLY,
will you be my blueberry death?
warm and
gooey
and full of poisonous sparkles?
- you don't have very prominent side burns.
- please wear your water shoes everyday.
- BILL, will you cut your hands open for me,
so i can see your glittery insides?
- etc.
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- prom date
july/august 2000
-
- i think of you when i buy pants.
- would you like this style? when you see me
walking down the street in these pants, will you notice me? even
though you maybe won't remember that we met, will you take the
memory home with you and look at it when you're trying to fall
asleep at four am?
- will you remember i told you my favorite
song? will you play it on your guitar and smile at me when i
stumble by?
- you asked me to sing with you. my throat
is a dark cave full of bats and a nest of gold glitter and a
blender stuffed with angry felt tip pens. "just mouth the
words then." i can't remember them looking at you.
- i want to tell you what happened to me today,
why i feel weak, and why i like it that you can spell my name
backwards.
-
- ***
-
- i think of you when i wash dishes.
- do you want to sit in my chairs and sip bitterness
from this mug one day? will you understand the beauty in the
cobalt blue soup bowl?
- can i calm your endless coffee urges with
my own caffine? will i still want to kiss you when your breathe
is sour and laiden with cocoa beans?
- everything is so superficial. my clothes,
your drinks, artsy, trendy, never passe, always in the in crowd,
always loved always admired what's to be expected you're beautiful.
i wouldn't mind digging a little deeper. is there really anything
under the lyrics, under the brown locks, under the bloody moon
and the crisp brown late night leaves? let me see you eat a taco.
i want to bear hug you when you haven't showered or changed your
clothes in two weeks due to depression and apathy.
- i want to sprawl on the floor next to you
in the dark and drink in wine and zaireeka noise. don't even
touch me, just be there. and then touch me everywhere...just...being...there
- by the way, i'm thinking of you.
-
- ***
-
- i remember
chacing you on the wet morning lawn
the new sun laughing at us for being goofy
- i know you don't know this, but
i loved the way you didn't even try to reach the frizbee when
we winged it at you. you just grinned through your hair.
-
- ***
-
- but i'll tell you a secret
i'm so tired
and so pissed off
nothing ever seems to work out the way i need it to
just make this easy on me, baby
don't let this get stupid.
-
- ***
-
- i'm not sure that i want to sit up alone
until five am
writing you poems
digesting your letters
playing your songs
- waiting for the autumn
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- prom king
august/september 2000
-
- you're just some guy
i don't need you to love myself
i don't need you around when you just make me nervous
i don't need you here turning me inside out
i don't need you
i don't need to keep thinking about you
i don't need this
- please stop singing
please stop strumming my strings
please don't look at me through brown curls
- go catch that damn frisbee
write your world
go be yourself
without me
- let this go
what a painful distraction
forget about you
forgetful
- don't press this any further.
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- untitled
- september 2000
-
- hold my hand...we'll trampoline together
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- terror night
october 2000
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- my food
is caffine.
brainwashing.
paranoia.
i love you.
cold calculations.
shoot them like
vile dogs, vermin.
trotsky!
laughter.
someone knows
these people.
death by ice
pick.
terror.
man-made famine.
disneyworld.
nightmears
- tomorrow
i am going to
reseda.
- lost direction.
heaven is colapsing
unique. indviduals.
duck.
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- the office
- december 2000
-
- i went up
- through the air ducts in the ceiling
- i found that blue place
- in between
- the ocean
- and the sun
- god wasn't there
- but i am now
-
- shatter the lotion bottles
- and the hard bodies
- and the movie music radios.
- grab clumps of her long blond hair
- rubbing glass sand into her cheeks
-
- please stop wondering
- the rock formations were
- here before you were
-
- don't go in the water
- your meds haven't digested yet
- take the beautiful thing
- and spin it ugly and uncomfortable
- get healthy
- be healthy
- i'm screaming on the beach
- but the sun is staring into me
- and saying,
- "i want to be you"
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-
- untitled
- december 2000
-
- green and black highways
- made of glass
- we pulled over to change the
- tire
- i followed a shimmer on the ground
- a dimond engagement ring
- in the gravel and indifference.
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- dharma thumb
- may 2001
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- what is the sound of a flute with no holes?
- it is not the sound of a flute with many
holes.
- i have no ears; i do not care if the flute
with no holes makes any sound if blown into, if dropped.
- with no ears, no perception, no mind, no
interest.
- blue?
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-
- good luck
- july 2001
-
- don't do it
- don't do it
- don't do it
- don't fall in love with the broken girl
- psychotic
- neurotic
- halucinating
- paranoid
- anxiety stricken
- depressed
- girl
- you'll never win her -
- if you compete for a woman's affections with
another lover
- you always have a chance
- all situations may be solved by compromise
- and honest talk
- but NO
- you'll never be more important than her
- pain
- you think you can hold her
- heal
- protect
- pedestalize
- adore
- put up with
- remain true
- but in the end
- her priorities and chains will push you
- far enough away that you feel
- (those old demons no longer seem romantic)
- cold...
- and as you turn and walk away
- you'll mumble,
- "well, at least i tried"
- and she'll know
- another
- man has failed
- she knew you would
- from the beginning
- you'll greive
- grow
- begin to think of other things
- then months
- years
- later..
- you'll read about her accomplishments
- (or failures, either way)
- in the paper and you'll let your coffee cup
fall
- and your first reaction will be,
- " . . . "
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- ballad of the tea drinker II
november 2001
-
- man, try the mudslide coffee today, it's
incredible
pen, lip gloss, too many cigarettes!
there's that seaflavored paint on the wall
- mmmmmmmmmm
- there's the thick beard the
- loooonnng fingers
- the door opening eyes
- telling the stories -
- so much more important than our flashing
lighters
- or maybe not
christ, rob, stop being sick!
- dreams mingle with chess pieces and accidents
and
- colorful grins
- forget it!
- remember it!
- sell your soul for a cup of coffee and a
- gawd damn beautiful conversation
- "honesty!" jessy woletz says,
- and i believer her!
here's my contribution to the
- consciousness collection
the little lights on the amp's
- switch board
- are synched up with everything here,
- not just the guitars -
- heart beats -
- quick breaths -
- deep inhales -
- sknivering thoughts
awwwww shit she looks good to-night!
- more caffeine
- more speed
- another cigarette
- getting funkier
- and funkier
- every night
- summerland!
- playing here every night
night whispers
- shouts
- damn the artist,
- damn them right down to
- OHIO
- shred that tune baby!!!!
- whisper to me
- and
- that long slow musical
- fuck witha full day of
