OK, important stuff out of the way first: I like the photo on the back of the CD better than the one on the front, and I like both better when I'm not looking at the outfit. That sleepy-sullen thing he does with the eyes [vide his audition] is...especially so, in black & white.

Shoemom, after asking to see the liner notes: "Mmph...he looks...different, doesn't he?" in the Tone of I Just Don't Understand Kids Today, Mass Media Edition. "Why isn't he smiling?" I choose to take this as a good sign. Also, I choose to take the liner notes back, just as a precaution.

Hmmm...Instead of one photo of the Idol on what looks like his own living-room couch plus an unappealing foldout poster, we get a whole booklet of what the MST3K gang used to call 'arty sort of shots'. Ah, I see they're trying that fun new concept, 'marketing the Idol', this year. Just wave this in front of Ryan Malcolm and watch the interesting new neuroses develop!

Since it's an Idol CD, however, there are inevitably a few bizarre hitches. No lyrics, for instance. OK, as it turns out they're a not massive loss in this particular case but the omission is still odd. Also, on a CD one of whose main selling points is the performing versatility of the star thereof, making the individual song credits look like they were written by mice who then dropped them in a mud puddle on the way to the printer seems sort of counterintuitive.

I also note that among the things written in Mouse Mud font is a list of PC requirements roughly as long as the one on my last Windows upgrade. Ah, one of those unsettling moments where I'm going to be shoved into using a new entertainment technology whether I like it or not. Somehow, I'm not as hopeful of the outcome as I was with the DVD player.

Two hours and a couple near-misses involving the cat and the jewel case later, my hopes aren't being realised in full. The new and exciting features I've been promised turn out to amount to: One ejection and several minutes of staring at the semiloaded splash screen (the CD cover! I guess the marketing budget ran out right around then) while random 'licenses' that sounded like they would shortly be making Spybot extremely unhappy were installed. Followed by the very nice little player that eventually showed up refusing to play any actual, y'know, music. With no explanation at all.

Even tried copying the tracks to my hard drive, as directed. Hah. (Although in hindsight it was mildly amusing, how long it took me to realise that the sound on the opening violin solo was really distorted and not just some sort of 'neo-classical' innovation...) Just before the full idiocy of having to approach playing an Idol CD as if it were the prize in Legend of Zelda hit me, I decided to reinstall Media Player, and lo, there was music. It's been pretty docile since.

No special features that I can find, though; just the splash screen/player thingee, a link to the official website and the aforementioned nonfunctional copy functions. Frankly, a few happy moments spent playing Zelda while waiting for some of this to not happen would've been truly appreciated, but nooooo...

Praeludium and Allegro - Oh, sure, hit me with the classical stuff right out of the gate. Seriously, I'm the person at the wine-tasting standing around going 'Yum!' No idea of the critical terminology at all. Let's just say that it works very nicely both as a praeludi-whatever and as a quick Post-It note to prospective non-Idol fans: Serious Musician at Work.

--Shoemom: "So you mean he's actually gonna do that at concerts, get up there and play the violin? Nifty."

She's So Dangerous - Hel-lo! Well, that was an interesting transition. Apparently violin music really does automatically drive women crazy with...OK, I think it's supposed to be lust, but where celluloid is involved it gets tricky.

Damn, but this song is fun. On a level that has nothing to do with actual technical musical quality and everything to do with why I still have One Night In Bangkok burned onto a CD someplace. Great dance beat that meanders off into all sorts of daffy experimental byways, some kinda cool - including the multilayered vocals - and some...um...well...they coulda left out the bongo drumbeat near the end with absolutely no net loss whatsoever, let's put it that way.

--Shoemom: [glances up from her Rosamond Pilcher with a startled expression]
Me: "Uh, yeah, sorry. I can hear this one later if you -"
Shoemom [surprised]: "Why? I really like this song. Yes, seriously. It's really good!"
Me: [falls over dead on the keyboard from shock]
Shoemom: "It'd make a GREAT driving song!"

I Don't Wanna Miss You - You can so totally see BMG envisioning this one as the perfect radio single, can't you? It's the audio equivalent of a LaVyrle Spencer novel: Lyrics and instrumental both decently sophisticated without containing anything at all that might shock Sally Listener from Aurora. (Or whomever the hell it is that calls into those late-night request shows on ezRock that are so sensitive and moving that somehow, after only a few minutes, you find your sanity dependent on actively rooting for perfectly innocent people to hurry up and die already, if only so the sensitive DJ will not eventually become so moved she starts playing their request, which is Careless Whisper, and...)

Ahem. Which is why I'm entirely grateful to Kalan for not buying into the status quo, even on the achingly bland chorus. Instead he contrives to sound wistful and slightly world-weary, a rock star slumming, in the circs wholly charming. So I get to like it quite a lot - even sing along - without sacrificing my self-respect, always a nice bonus.

--Shoemom: "Pretty song...he has such a nice voice. I wish they'd've just let him sing like this the whole way through..."

Single - OK, this one is...not quite as likely to hold up well, shall we say, as She's So Dangerous. On the other hand - to my continued absolute amazement, because my tolerance level for this kind of song is set firmly at Hair-Trigger as a matter of fundamental, lifelong principle - I'm not cringing. It is what it is, and doesn't pretend to much more, but it does it well. Once you get past the opening bombast it's even kind of musically clever, in an endearingly enthusiastic I-wonder-how-THIS-keyboard-button-works sort of way. Violin solos! Let's see N*Sync try to top that.

--Shoemom [chuckling indulgently]: "I can just see all the little eight- and nine-year-olds dancing around the living room, thinking they're so 'sexy'. Reminds me of [Shoesisters] and their Duran Duran CDs."

In Spite of It All - Mmph. Something straight-up and catchy was attempted here that isn't really, uh, catching. Funny, how in one set of circs you can combine driving guitar riffs and severely dopey rhymes and get Takin' Care of Business, and in others get... ...something. I can't actively work up the energy to love or hate it, really. I'm willing to give the kid a nice pat on the head for paying careful attention during all those BTO records Bachman undoubtedly made him listen to during the process, but that's about the extent of my visceral engagement with this track.

--Shoemom: "I never liked Randy Bachman much anyway."

Awake in a Dream - Wake us up when it's over. Interesting, however, how much the production quality improves for this one track. Also kind of sad.

Lucky Day - If it came down to the best match to my tastes, this song is it. I like the piano-intensive instrumental, I like the lyrics, I very much like how Kalan's vocal slips around them in a bemused, almost playful fashion...and damned if that doesn't sound just like Theresa in the background! (Except it isn't, of course. As far as I can make out - damn mice - it's one of the songwriters, Andrea Wasse.) The whole is very like something Train might toss off in a stray moment, interesting and engaging and sophisticated - without any apparent effort at all. If you could possibly tear yourselves away from the whacky! electronica just for a moment, BMG: Your Idol is capable of making real live music - the kind that people buy because they really, truly care about it - and here's the proof. P.S: forget the bongos, at least. Please.

After All - And here we are, the class of the CD. This song is worth about a dozen Until Yous - intelligent, intense, and even complicated, in a satisfyingly legitimate sort of way. The best part is it all sounds very much like the logical outcome of what Kalan did on CI and how he's been describing himself and his musical influences since. (As opposed to She's So Dangerous, which sounds more like the logical outcome of that one night on the town with the Hairspray cast.) Hey, an Idol with his own unique musical identity. A nineteen-year-old Idol, at that. As the Idol in question might put it, cool.

--Shoemom [wearing the Look of This Is Like That Other Stuff You Like, Isn't It?]: "I bet everybody'll like that one. It sounds, um, just like the stuff they play when I go into the record stores these days." Me: "But, c'mon, for a teenager it's pretty amazing, huh?"
Shoemom [Look intensifies]: "Oh, uh, sure. Exactly."

How Many Roads - Everything, and I do mean everything, about this track suggests it shouldn't work. The big setpiece involves the line 'life is one big road', for godsakes. However...well, it's still not Strauss, or anything. But thanks almost entirely to Kalan and his alchemy thingee - which I will be suggesting he find a way to market if I ever do meet him - it is a bright little ballad that never loses interest. Also somehow completely avoids being the kind of 'uplifting' that generally forces me to gnaw on the CD case in exasperation. Congratulations, kid, you've done it again. Just don't start pushing it too far, OK?

--Unconditional - Starts off as perfectly acceptable lite-rock; the vocal sound is again attractive, and as a bonus unusual...and then it all starts sliding down Inanity Hill, faster and faster, until suddenly Kalan - apparently - just stops singing altogether and what sounds like the kind of choir Wal-Mart employees might put together for a local benefit kicks in. 'Love is soft/Love is warm/love is un-con-di-tion-al...'? Man, that's bad. I mean, I don't require wrist-slitting angst from my CD collection, but, really If an attempt was made to teach the world to sing this chorus in perfect harmony, the world would need insulin. And it goes on sliding like this through all three verses: Decent, ehhh..., the hell?, repeat. The only bright spot I can see is that the Wal-Mart Glee Club likely won't be able to make it to the concerts on account of the SuperSale, so at least it'll be Kalan singing the whole thing. If he can keep a straight face.

--Shoemom: "Um. I think this'll be the one everybody skips over, don't you?"

--Until You - Whatever possibilities this one ever had are severely hampered by the fact that to my ear it could easily serve as the theme to one of those eighties 'family' sitcoms. The ones where it was always a brand new day, and everybody was gonna make it after all, or at least in spite of having really insipid theme-music. And even when I force myself past that particular mental hitch lyrically (and remind myself that for Kalan - and much of his core fanbase - Alan Thicke is but a distant, vaguely disturbing memory) I have to cope with the awful AiaD flashbacks the instrumental is giving me...it's just not happening.

And We Drive - OK, shoot me now...or at least confiscate my Bob Seger Greatest Hits CD...but I think I really, really like this one. Just a straight -ahead rock number, some lyrics and a serious melodic hook or two from being truly memorable, but (unlike In Spite of it All) absolutely with the courage of its convictions. Right down to the fierce wailing at the high points. Fine rock specimen, indeed. The kid really does seriously, fundamentally know what he's doing with this stuff...which in the end is going to do him more service than all the emoting on all the pretty featherlight ballads in all the world.

--Shoemom: "That reminds me of something your dad would listen to back in the day..."
Me: "How much beer involved?"
Shoemom: "Hey, he had good taste in this stuff." [pause] "Except maybe for Betty Lou's Gettin' Out Tonight."

My Sweet One - Speaking of pretty featherlight ballads...here's another one of those tracks saved almost completely by Kalan himself. I don't even wanna think about lyrics like 'There's a battle going on so strong/and I hope it doesn't take too long/'fore I get back to you/My love' in the hands of, say, O-Town. (Adding a little spark, though, is author John Ondraasik - of Five For Fighting - who can't restrain himself from at least one trademark reference. I have since been unable to rid myself of the suspicion that this song was originally an early draft of Superman [It's Not Easy].) At any rate the alchemy thingee extends to handling even this kind of uber-syrup with tact and delicacy, and the result is a gentle whimsy, rather in the manner of Nature Boy. Enormously appealing. It's a great gig, really what this kid's got going on; the vocal maturity in itself will enchant fans for the moment and keep them coming back later on. Theoretically, anyway. Somebody, for the love of all that is just, get this kid some decent material before then.

So there you have it. Vocals A+, instrumentals B, lyrics , production quality D-. Would I have rushed out to spend the fifteen bucks if I hadn't already been a fan? Likely not. Would I have been impressed if I'd somehow heard it anyway? Absolutely, especially if someone told me it was an Idol debut. And if they'd told me After All was self-penned, I would definitely have made a note to watch for the sophomore CD. Amid all the typically soul-sucking 19Evil drek there's a real musician's imagination consistently audible here, and that's more than Ryan - or Clay - could pull off even with (slightly) better material to work with. Kalan needs to find a style and stick with it - personally, I'd skip over Ricky Martin Redux (eventually, in fact, I'd be pretending it never happened) and go with the more stripped-down Train or Bryan Adams model, lite-rock and edgy ballads. But for now, the fact that the question is even being raised is enough.