Benedict in formal open-the-season-wear...dove grey with satin facings. He looks like the best man at a really dull 70's wedding reception.

Zack...is completely incorrigible and I love him. I probably won't love him after the 19,546th rehashing of this same gag via Benedict and/or Zany, however.

Shoemom is having real trouble looking at Sass without wincing tonight; at one point she actually yelps "Ugh! She just looks like an ol' hag!" I think it's kind of a 'there but for the grace [and a decent set of undergarments]' thing. At any rate, she bails out on me pretty quick to go take a phone call.

Canadian music is cool! Not because of Idol or anything, but yo, when has relevance ever bugged Fuller & Co? So Kalan gets to flourish us out in grand style, and Ryan gets...to really make his therapist earn his paycheque, this week. Seriously, TPTB, not quite nice.

Aaron. You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet...well, yeah, I can in strict truthfulness say I have never seen BTO: The Musical before. And frankly am not hugely impressed at all. Aaron, I hate to use cliches, but...time to get real (rocker, theatre, I don't particularly care) or go home, dude. Stays tonight, though.

Emily. Crying...and when you're singing one of the richest, most soulful, most nakedly honest rock ballads ever written with a big ol' pageant-y smile plastered across your face, you're pretty much toast. The only emotional reaction I got out of this performance was a slight snort of amused disbelief upon realising that she seriously expected the judges to cover her with praise for exactly three decent "long notes". Shoemom, wandering back through on the way to the kitchen, just rolled her eyes. Maybe not Goned, but absolutely bottom 3.

Daryl...uh, Zack likes listening to girly-boys now? OK, this is mildly disturbing.
Seriously, this was a great performance for a 25-year-old woman. Paired with the visual of a whispy, giggly 16-year-old boy who to all appearances can't get past the judges without having an unfortunate accident. It's like everything any basher ever said about Kalan last year suddenly coalesced onto my TV screen in living colour and twice as natural. Yikes. Bottom 3, I think, but probably Stays.

Suzi. OK, so the vocal wasn't massively great technically...but the entertainment value? Total.
Am still not 100% sure if it's the music she really cares for or just the of performing, but either way I'm loving the sheer sense of drama she's exuding as she gets more comfortable on the Idol stage. (Come to think of it, this is starting to sound a lot like Shoe-Jacob II.) She's the real deal in a way the Emilys of the world can't even begin to fathom. Stays, for good long while.

I have it written down in my notes that somewhre in here "Ben made a clever re: Suzi?"...but I'm too lazy to go back and check.

L'Oreal pimpmercial. Hi, we'll be displaying way too much interest in your facial features for the next month! [sigh]...can we at least maim whomever introduced Amber to the wonders of blue eyeshadow?

Melissa...is undeniably cute. As a button, even. Kind of a Cabbage Patch Diana. So I was not totally amazed to hear I Believe In You delivered as though she were giving her youth campers a heartfelt pep talk.
Massively disappointed in what I had been fondly envisioning as my breakout Star pick, an edgy, multifaceted and above all uncute folk-rocker chick? Yeah, that too. (Also peeved that Zack didn't call her on the same thing. Or has he always been this deeply into sweet adorableness, and I'm the one in massive denial?) Stays, though.

Ashley...Let It Rain. Right, that was a short-lived disappointment...or maybe an easily transferable fascination. At any rate, Disney girl here is pulling a total reverse Melissa on my expectations.
Gorgeous, clean, effortlessly intense rock ballad - yeah, maybe a shade too faithful as opposed to feeling it (and you just know the planets are aligned weirdly when Sass makes more sense than Zack) but the performance instincts, wowza. When you're that beautiful plus can go barefoot and I don't feel the need to strangle the preciousness out of you? Good on ya, girl. Stays.

Rex. Born To Be Wild: Gahhh. Put the hat back on, b'y, you're triggering my Ashton loathe.
Let's get the obvious out of the way first: Both Rex and Kalan rocked the house with a rare combo of passion and charisma (and interestingly enough, both got near-identical comments from the judges - four variants on "real-rock-deal-in-training").
The major difference is that Kalan did it vocally, while Rex...has great performance instincts. Seriously, he and this 'singing' deally-bob better work it out PDQ, or Stevie Wonder night might end up providing some unintentional comedy gold. If he can pull off You Are the Sunshine (of My Life) with taped-up fingers, I'll start with the Kalan-esque dropped jaws. For now, a comfy Stays.

Amber, Possession...huh?
Was it just me, or was that a severely mediocre rendition of a song she should've kicked from here to the finals, and are the judges maybe just slightly too desperate to smooth that same fact over? I mean, I was so absolutely, not to say confidently, waiting to be dazzled...but I heard no heavenly choirs this night and not an atom of my body moved out of place except to decide whether I needed a glass of water. Yes, was my answer. Still a lovely voice, however apparently Jann Arden called and wanted her magic back early. Plus, that makeup job? Not to be indelicate here, but it is so totally screaming "I'm related to hockey players!" Stays.

Josh, Hallelujah. And let it not be said that when I heard that combo announced I didn't cringe, deeply, into the sofa pillow. Then he started singing, and...I cringed deeper. Hated that vocal, hated hated hated it...but man, did I love that performance. Agreed with Farley; there's an uncannily graceful emotive quality somewhere in there that just had me in a totally involuntary puddle by the time Josh was done. I would call it pure genius except I think I also called Amber one at some point, and Eurofreaky dude here also clearly has a lot of one-shot emotion invested. Anyway, for now I have no problem at all with him Staying.

Casey...From This Moment, you're outta here. Sorry, kiddo, but I can't even muster retroactive regional points (yo, Quispamsis, NB, 1990-92) in favour of thatfizzle. The difference between your Serious Soul Girl posturing and this bland, charmless performance is...actually, it's not even funny. It's not really princessy, either, it's...not much of anything. Kinda like I'm watching a paper-doll cutout, and incidentally have the urge to change outfits really, really badly.

Lovers in a Dangerous Time has the soul sucked right out of it - direct quote: "Whoooosh!" - and the Top 10 do the AI-zombie-stomp on the corpse. Also not incidentally on any shreds of my hope re: this season that may have been roused last night.

None of the guys bother to follow a cue, but appear to have at least marginal interest invested in the song itself; all the girls - including, to my serious distress, Amber - are too busy following theirs to care.
The only vaguely impressive moments come from Josh (who shares an amusing duet in which Daryl plays eager wannabe to his serene indifference) and Rex, whose vocals are always about 10,000 times more impressive when there's a folk/country vibe to latch onto.

Carie Underwood. First time I've heard more than snipits, and was unreservedly impressed. That vocal was so bloody good it almost made up for the fact that she's intrinsically as dull as ditchwater. You can tell when guest stars are seriously amazing by how far Benedict gets stunned into dialling back the slobber; this night he can barely present the 2x-platinum-in-Canada plaque. Carrie seems genuinely pleased, probably because nobody's told her that means all of 20,000 units shipped and something less sold.

Back to the couches. Amber's face looks so much better tonight I am forced to conclude she was previously the tragic victim of a "L'Oreal team" initiation prank.
She, Ashley and Aaron all look truly terrified/relieved, although in Ashley's case I'm pretty sure the melodramatics are merely genetic. At any rate she's clearly this year's designated camp counselor (tm Mrs. Joe Dwarf)

Rex looks considerably less concerned, probably 'cause they gave him the hat back. Either that, or my growing suspicion that he rushes out between commercial breaks to tinker with the limo engines is correct.

Bottom three, or Portrait of the Classic Princesses. Emily is still deep into "You can't DO this! I'm gonna call my mom and you are all SO FIRED!" mode. Melissa is heroic but (understandably) tightlipped, esp. after she extends a hand to Emily...and Emily just looks at her, like, she is SO not in the sorority.Daryl...just looks sick and sad and miserable.
In her great favour, Casey looks genuinely shocked to discover she's not joining them. Suzi is expressionless.

Judges, meanwhile, are so totally baffled they forget their schticks.

Jake, why are these three there? "Well, I know what happened to two of them, they're just not ready. Melissa...that's a travesty."

Farley, who shouldn't be there? Brief you're-really-gonna-make-me-say-this... pause. "Other than you? Melissa."

Sass, who gets the boot? "Emily."

Zack, anybody still on the couch who shouldn't be? "Man, there have got to be a whole lotta phones in Nova Scotia...or New Brunswick, whatever...that's all I can say." Indeed. He's so massively peeved he's not even yelling. I think I'm scared.
"Look, Suzi sang badly last night, Casey sang badly...This is just ridiculous."

Cut to the above-named on the couches, looking guilty as all hell. In Suzi's case, this makes me sympathetic; in Casey's, it merely makes me way too smug. "Some people are just natural performers", forsooth.

OK, in retrospect, it's not totally ridiculous, nor totally dependent on the Maritime vote. Not only is the Top 10 overstuffed with cute princesses, three of them are competing for the Western vote and Melissa is pretty much the least memorable....

I am however still thoroughly enjoying my moment of smug.

Anyhow, eliminations. Melissa marches briskly back to the couch she clearly considers she never should have left, you stupid Idol voters anyway. Ooh, cover your eyes, chirrun.
Emily and Daryl exchange hugs mostly 'cause that's what Idol contestants are supposed to do at this juncture. Daryl learns he's second-safe and literally busts into tears. Oh, my good God.

Emily, thanks for your power, your control, and your...um...poise. Yeah, luckily poise at least was covered in the pageant training, along with gracious speechmaking for runners-up.
There follows one of the more deliciously dark ironies in Idol-singout history: now, she's feeling Crying just fine...