OK, Idols at the Ex, the quick take:

--This crowd is composed of three layers: down front, rabid fangirls; front/middle seats, slightly bemused escorts of said fangirls; back and on the grass around, families who were at the Ex already and thought, what the hey. I snagged a seat in the second layer, thanks to a very very nice little gramma who moved her knitting over.

-Scream scream scream. Scream when the sound-check guy came out. Scream when the guy with extra chairs came out. SCREAM when Jason put his head around the curtain once or twice. Groups of Jacob and Kalan fans have scream-offs. This crowd was so conditioned I'm pretty sure somebody could've gotten a group belch going.

--So of course I vow not to scream. In fact, I'm going to look downright - dubious. Yeah, that's the ticket, dubious. So if you happen to catch a glimpse of a red-haired glasses-wearing woman in white tee and black slacks looking dubious, that'd be me.

--Zany hosting. He's actually tolerable at it, except he keeps forgetting and sliding into schtick. Luckily he has the wit at least to realise he's not what the crowd came to see.

--Idols come out, to the same banal cliches as last week. I still wanna know what the hell Shane the 'daredevil' did. Jacob is apparently on springs. Big springs. Shane looks a bit smaller in person; Kalan looks bigger; Theresa, more slight.

--Zany asks Shane if he believes in unicorns. Shane avers that he does. Oookay. Zany asks Kalan what summer fun he'd be having if he wasn't there. "Um...wakeboarding," Kalan shrugs. "But singing at the CNE is a lot of fun too..." Whereupon Jacob lunges over and punches Kalan for being a tool. Kalan swats him away with the tolerant long-suffering-ness of someone who has been getting similar punches since third grade.

--Jacob struts out to Brick House. For those of you wondering if his crazy choreography is totally spontaneous: No. But still, wowza. Besides the fact that the vocal's way better than previously - perhaps simply having been freed from under all the pimpwear - there is sheer, undeniable electricity in the air when Jacob performs. Seriously. To what I'm sure is his intense frustration, TV only conveys about 1/10th of this kid's wattage. He's an entertainer who just happens to be able to sing - well, at that, but without a whole lot of range. He launches into the Lifehouse song next, and the crowd instantaneously starts waving their hands.

Audience participation! Zany, via someone in the crowd, wants to know what's the deal with Jacob and soup. "It's good for you," Jacob deadpans. "Plus, if you take the little crusty things - most of your little instant mix packets come with these - and put them in your bath...you are all set, let me tell you."

--Jason. For those of you who've ever wondered if he has more than one dance move: No. He's in a tacky black motorcycle jacket with red racing stripes...and silver sunglasses. If this man wins CI, we so are gonna know the humilation Germany faced at World Idol. He runs through a very perfunctory Cuts Like a Knife and Proud Mary, bouncing and smirking and bouncing some more...but displaying zip stage presence. No, I'm not just feeling the letdown from Jacob. Nope. Guy really is no more nor less than a bar band mook. He's having a good time, the crowd's having a good time, it ends right there.

Audience participation! Does Jason have any advice for young 'industry hopefuls'? Jason does. He solemnly abjures them to follow their hearts and keep true to their dreams, or vice-versa, or something. Zany is mock-moved. Jason has the grace to mock-sob.

--Theresa comes out smiling and waving and smiling and waving and smiling and did I mention the waving? For those of you wondering if she's faking the sincerity: No. Seriously, Theresa is no more nor less than a nice Ukranian girl from the prairies who is quite literally having the time of her life. "Isn't this great? This is so great! Thank you!" she keeps yelping. She does a lovely-as-per-usual job of Good Mother and Song for a Winter's Night, smiling and waving her heart out all the while. At one point, she looks in my direction. What the hell. I smile and wave. She smiles and waves back. Or at least it looks that way. I wouldn't mind Theresa as Canadian Idol in the least.

Audience participation! Theresa, what's it like being the Last Girl Standing? "It's pretty rough...but they're all really great guys. You love them too, right?" Audience: SCREAM! Zany: "So...which guy do you like least?" Much vehement laughing and head-shaking - "I'm not gonna answer that! OK...Jon Dore. 'Cause he smells." Zany: "Oh, really? I smell? You want me to tell the story...?" She runs off, giggling.

--Somewhere in here Zany mock-announces the attendance as 1.2 million. Several of the younger fangirls glance back, wide-eyed. Now that, folks, is entertainment. (Actual attendance, as announced later, is around 8,000. Which is pretty much a full house.)--Shane. For those of you who wondered if he's gay: No. I don't think. Zany goes into a long, long rant about how good Shane looks tonight, really great, fabulous, 'no, really, are you getting handsomer as we go along?!'...and Shane does an altogether too convincing 'Oh, get away with you', complete with hand-flap, for comfort. He runs through Angel and I Believe in a Thing Called Love, very impressive; thankfully the new! improved! emotional! Shane is still on the go. Except the falsetto part of the latter, as filtered through the Ex's crappy sound system, gives me an insta-migraine.

Audience participation! Shane, do you get nervous before singing? "Every - freaking - time!!" he shrieks with slightly-too-much-information intensity.

--Kalan. The SCREAMS! are deafening. For those of you who were wondering if he might just lose this thing: No. Two truisms are very much in evidence here: a)This kid knows damn well he's the favourite; and b)He's having a great time with it, in his own quiet way. Fragile, sensitive little Kalan, my eye. This is about as normal a teenager as ever wore hideous shirt layers. He's come out of his shell to the point where he now gives off spontaneous little spurts of personality...then instantly retreats behind the bright 'whoops! they're looking at me...!' smile of total self-consciousness. Well, it's a start.

And then he starts singing. Good Lord Almighty, is this kid talented. Unbelievable. Really. Live, you get the full sense of not only the voice but the 'mature phrasing' the judges are always on about. He does a much better job of Paint it Black - funnily enough, of all the Idols he's the only one who thinks to head downstage to greet the fans at the edge of the moshpit [SCREAM!!] - and a fairly perfunctory Born to Be Wild that's missing the 'He's doing what?!' factor of the original.

Audience participation! Kalan, are you going to go back and finish university? "Yeah, sometime...I'm having a pretty good time doing this right now, though, so..." Zany makes a mild funny re: what a role model Kalan is.

--Group sing! We get the Old Time Rock'n' Roll bit, the We Will Rock You bit, and the I Love Rock'n'Roll fight over Kalan, except now it's just Theresa, so she goes and vamps Shane too just for variety. It's all pretty obviously thrown together about ten minutes before showtime - at one point Jason blatantly forgets a cue.

--"Your Idols, everybody!" Kalan makes one of his patented runs for the wings, but Jason catches him and hauls him to the front. Zany gives the yada yada be sure to tune in Wednesday-cakes. Show's over.