We're starting outside today, with Ben and a red carpet. Legions of screaming fans, check. Smarmy host, check. Overhyped finale, most definitely check. We're here today for two hours of tension that you could cut with a straw. I'm hoping for some entertainment because the suspension is not killing me. It's not even giving me a nougie.
The idols walk the red carpet in the order of their release from 19E bondage. In case you had forgotten, that would be Brandy, Manoah, Josh, Kaleb, Elena, Shane, Jason and Jacob. Last to walk out are Kalan and Theresa.
In the first of several "hey, remember me? I was the guy with the sunglasses" appearances, we see Billy "not bald, really" Klippert behind Ben as he introduces the top 10 for the first of several suprisingly good group numbers.
This one's a rock medley, so everyone is in jeans and assorted fairly funky tops. Except for Brandy and Manoah, the sausage sisters. I don't think you have to be model-thin to have a career in music but you ought to at least have some inkling of what your body looks like. Stuffing the extra weight into a shirt two sizes too small - not good. Elena's outfit is kicking ass, as usual. She'll come out of this show knowing she may not have won, but she always looked marvelous. And if you look marvelous, you feel marvelous. Hey, speaking of the 80s - Theresa looks like she got attacked by the softer side of Sears, circa 1983 or so.
First up is Josh and Kaleb, singing Jailhouse Rock. Josh is just so excited to be there, he runs out of breath. Kaleb killed it. In fact, Kaleb kills it all night long, making me wish he could have stuck around a little longer. There's a key change and then a melody change to I Only Want To Be With You, with Elena taking the lead. She's pretty good, and that description applies to most everything for her tonight. She's occasionally capable of greatness, but she doesn't show it anywhere tonight so I'm not particularily upset in retrospect about her leaving when she did. Theresa takes the lead from her, a little soft on the entry and with a bit of a vocal hiccup in the middle but otherwise sounding OK.
Kalan gets a solo with Tempted. He's solid with it, as you'd expect, but I'm not paying much attention because all I can think of is "damn, they had access to Squeeze's catalog and nobody took advantage?" I'd so be singing Black Coffee In Bed. If I could, you know, actually hold a tune with a bucket and was two decades younger .
Jacob and Shane get handed a plum with Under Pressure, originally a duet between Freddie Mercury and David Bowie . That would be the Freddie from Queen, kids. Queen? You, know We Will Rock You? Oh, forget it. Anyways, Jacob and Shane go to town on this one. I may be wrong but I don't think either of them took a particular role, they just swapped lines around whenever it suited their voices. One of the highlights of the night. In fact, if there was a real surprise winner tonight, it was Shane. Dude came out to play, tonight. He picked up right where he left the rest of us before with "I wanted him voted off, only now I don't". Towards the end Shane fumbles in his pocket and pulls out an "I [heart] Abbotsford" banner which he and Jacob display. Hee.
I just wanted to point out one phrase from Under Pressure: "love so slashed and torn". I'll just leave that hanging for you as you contemplate all the Jacob/Shane action throughout the night.
Manoah and Brandy make an attempt at Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves - Manoah takes the Annie Lennox parts, Brandy does her best to live up to Aretha. You'd think Manoah would have learned to just step away from the Annie, but noooooo! We're subjected to it again. As much as Shane is the winner of the 8 non-finalists, Manoah is the loser. She sings off-key all night, every song. She crams herself into a number of bad outfits. She's just... well, basically the only one of the 10 that I looked at tonight and said "somebody else should have been there". Brandy - well she's not as good as she might have been, but as a poor man's Aretha she was OK. Compared to Manoah she was brilliant.
Jason gets the final song solo and does his usual old pro job with Johnny B Goode.
Did I mention that throughout this we get all the contestants dancing badly? Dance steps straight out of your 9 year olds tap/jazz/ballet school recital, flips, the whole she-bang. Chock full o' cheesey Thursday night goodness. I'll miss this crap.
Hey, there's Billy again. Did you know Billy was in the audience? 'Cause he totally was.
We get a segment where Canadian Idol gets to pretend it has international appeal as they round up the dozen fans or so they could find outside of Canada - a handful of fans in Dallas and Sydney, plus a vacationing Canadian family in Tokyo. Wow, that's pretty much a 10 on the lameness scale, especially when you add that special Canadian need for outside approval to the mix. And, look, a few famous people like us too: Hawksley "buy my record" Workman, Lionel "still under contract" Ritchie and Ray Romano. Lord knows why Romano decided to appear. It's not like he needed the money. Maybe he actually likes CI? I feel so warm, fuzzy and validated.
We get the usual "Who's Your Fave" segment as various former contestants interview people in various cities. Some are former top 32 that we recognise (Brock, Jerrica, Ted, Mark, Constant), one is from the top 100 that most people remember (Willy) and the rest have so far avoided much notice (Barrett, Daniel, Melanie). Plus Idol Reject 06102. Hee.
Yada yada, some like Kalan, some like Theresa. We finish up with congrats from the eliminated top 10, with Shane and Jacob making faces. They're both out to disturb some shit tonight, aren't they.
Hey, it's Don McKellar! I loved Highway 61.
Here are the judges, ready with their first in a series of endless comments on Kalan and Theresa. I'll save me some effort typing and do this only once: when they saw Theresa, they'd found the best singer ever. Then they found Kalan and he was the bester singerer everer. They love Theresa to bits, but they've told Kalan from the start he's going to win. Theresa is sweetness and light and all about jazzy phrasing and injecting her personality into the song. Kalan is quiet and shy and all about mature phrasing and taking ownership of a song. They were the expected finalists, they are the expected finalists, the judges are sooo smart and sooo perceptive and thank you Canada for not being a bunch of beanheads and ignoring our not-so-subtle voting directions.
By the way, Sass is way overdressed in a formal gown. Farley is wearing a white suit and looking large as usual. Jake for once is dressed quite nicely in a formalish black suit with white shirt and tie. Zack is missing due to family commitments on rosh hashanna, and sends his love by tape. Several times.
Away from the judges and to the first of several retrospectives, this one covering the early auditions and top 100. Each time we get voiceovers from the contestants and judges, but I would rather have just watched the raw footage - show us every second of every early performance, that would've been cool. At least we got to see why they never showed Theresa's top 100 solo - she completely butchers Try while voicing over that this was her "worst performance ever ever ever". We get to see again the rather painful scene where Kalan forgets the lyrics on When A Man Loves a Woman. Both figured they were done fer, but managed to struggle through.
The less said about the Jon Dore montage, the better. I survived it with my dinner intact. Following that horror show, we go to the hometown crowds. Each contestant gets to talk to the local smarmy weather/news guy (at least, that's what Jeff Rogstad is in Saskatoon, can't say who the Medicine Hat woman was). Each gets a cute childhood story from a friend (Kalan breaks both wrists snowboarding but manages to compete in a violin competition a few months later, a 10 year old Theresa entertains family and friends with a marathon improvised song). Each says hi to thousands (4 in the Hat, 7.5 in S'toon) of screaming fans. Surprisingly, no tears are shed, not even from Theresa when she gives props to her big sister Christina for encouraging her to compete.
Back for another montage, this time from the top 32. More similar judges comments. To absolutely no-one's surprise, Kalan is "not big on winging it". Also unshockingly, Theresa is humble and "never expected anything". Hey, just like the song.
The non-finalists come out to sing their favourite songs from their tour of duty in the top 10. Or in Brandy's case, their song. Hope it's a favourite of hers, cause it sure as hell wasn't a favourite of mine. Unfortunately they get only a verse or maybe a part-verse and chorus, so nobody really gets a chance to get into the song. It must be really hard to get out there, hit a phrase bang on, and then leave. I say that because most everybody is a little off.
Joshua "damn glad to be here" Sellers sings Iris. His voice is more hoarse than usual and slightly off key but not bad. Manoah sings Hallelujah. It's actually slightly better than her top 10 version but I'm totally distracted by the skankwear. That's just way more cleavage than she should be showing.
Brandy sings Nobody's Supposed To Be Here. It's a little shouty, definitely no improvement over her top 10 version. I realize there's really not too much you can do with her body shape but that dress.... she looks like a widowed Italian grandmother.
Kaleb trots out Hound Dog, the performance that made even non-Kaleb fans sit up and take notice. He sounds great, but the caesar haircut and gangster clothes aren't doing much to push his image towards warm or approachable.
Elena sings Mary Jane, which is not her best song but probably the one best suited to this very brief clip-show format. It's not as good as her singout version, but just as good as when she originally sang it.
Shane sings pretty much everyone's favourite of his, The Way I Feel. Did I mention the kid was out to play tonight? He's on the money every time, I really enjoyed him. Also, with the competition over we start to see that he's a pretty good shit. If he could have relaxed this much he might have stuck around a little longer. Of course you could say that of everyone.
Jason wears a pinstripe suite to sing Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting. It's more of the same ol', same ol' from him. If I were in the bar while he's singing this, I think I'd be playing pool.
Jacob sings Everything and is very good. I would have preferred to hear Space Oddity, but there's no time for the theatrics and catsuit and all. Jacob is also on his game tonight, and gives no indication that the top 3 spot shouldn't have been his. He also doesn't give me any reason to place him ahead of Theresa or Kalan, and so I concur with the judges and Canada generally - the right two people ended up on top.
With the top 10 recap complete, last year's idol gets to make his appearance. Ryan Malcom is singing Falling, which is off the new album. He's got the low-strung guitar happening (he's a leftie!), he's got the live band behind him, and the song is actually decent, much better than anything else I've heard from him. He somehow falls short of creating any excitement. He's last year's news, and it's apparent in the way he's carrying himself and the way the audience is reacting. Well, Sass is grooving along but then she's under contract as wacky!dancing!judge. And Billy is clapping lightly, but then you expect spousal support. The rest of the audience is pretty much dead, and only gets up to applaud when the cattle prods built into their chairs tell them it's time for the mandatory ovation.
We see Ralph Goodale and Gary F Beals in the audience. Shut up, Ralph and Gary. Ben tries to churn up a little enthusiasm. Ryan fakes a little enthusiasm. The audience is bored some more. Ben encourages a last round of applause. Billy is first to his feat. Oh, the everlasting lurve!
Back from commercials, it's time for a medley of Canadian songs. Brandy and Theresa get stuck with some Shania. Fortunately, it's Still The One, one of her better songs that relies on an actual melody rather than some gimmicky hook. Brandy sounds a little tentative and thin but otherwise not bad. Theresa's throat is by this time pretty much shot, she barely gets started and then slides into it about halfway through her part. Once she's going though, even with her voice in pieces, she sings it like Shania never could.
Turns out this is not only the Canadian medley, it's the chance for people who missed Lightfoot night to have a shot. Josh and Kalan share Carefree Highway. Both are very good. Kalan's wearing a white cowboy hat pretty comfortably. I think he could auction that hat on EBay right now for a few thousand bucks if he feels short on cash.
Manoah and Elena take turns on lead and backup with I'm Like A Bird. Manoah has got a much better look with a jean jacket overtop of the inappropriately tight shirt. She's a little off, but not so much it's a huge distraction. In fact, it's pretty good. They're both pretty good here, not great, but I enjoyed it.
Shane takes on Blue Rodeo solo with Bulletproof with the non-finalist performance of the night. Holy crap, that was good. Where was that version of Shane when he needed it? He had some warmth, some complexity of tone, sang it with emotion. Really, really good.
Kaleb puts Sundown through the Kalebizer and it comes out the other end near unrecognisable. This is another love it or hate it performance. I thought it was excellent. Lightfoot is shown applauding in the audience, I think he liked it too. I'm betting not everybody shares our opinion.
They finish up with everybody singing The Weight, with Jason and Jacob taking the leads. Jason is very good on this, once more in the more serious sing-it-straight groove that works well for him. Even his exhortation to "sing it" worked seeing as the rest of the top 10 were there to do just that. Jacob was also excellent on this. Everybody in the top 10 seemed to be having a blast on this one, and I enjoyed it and the overall medley very much. That last note from Jason was kinda weird/off though.
The judges are shown applauding wildly. Sass is very excited. And look, there's Daniel Nestor in the audience for no apparent reason.
Back to Kalan and Theresa and the judges for a review of the top 10. More similar comments from the judges. Kalan says the top 10 is different because the fans know you and are starting to root for you. Theresa says the top 10 is a lot of work.
Back from the clip show, it's the final top 10 performance. They're doing an old Guess Who song, Share The Land. Josh is sounding much better on this one, pitch is good. Theresa is also good, but we hear a slight wow in the track that doesn't seem to throw her off. I thought this was live? Maybe there's a slight tape delay to allow for the Jacob factor. Kaleb is once more very good. Kalan's bit manages to be just in the sweet spot for him, and we get to hear the toniest part of his baritone. Manoah is pitchy. Jacob is very good. Jason is again in folk mode and quite good. Elena is OK, but a little too showy to blend in with the others. She crouches about as low as she can get away with in that skirt. And....
It's redemption time for Brandy. She finally shakes whatever the hell it was that was holding her back and shows us what people saw in the top 100 trials. Her bit is straight out of her church, and it's wonderful. For everybody who was wondering just what the hell the judges were thinking when they put her in the top 32, they must have seen something like this. I really enjoyed that.
Shane takes over from Brandy and is OK, but a little thin-sounding. This is not quite back to the Shane of the early top 10, but it's not as good as we now know he can do. He pitches it back to the top 3 for the big!finale! which is unfortunately screwed up by someone at the mixing board turning on the wrong mics. Oh well, it was still a pretty good last sing for the top 10. Ben proclaims them the "best top 10 in any country ever". Because Ben watches every idol show of every country. Shut up, Ben.
Time for another clip show. We see Kalan's first audition where the judges ask him, "are you 12"? Hee. Farley tells him "you're gonna win this show". His favourite performance is Born to Be Wild due to the physicality. Sass likes Paint It Black, citing the phrasing. Jack liked his part of Canadian Railroad Trilogy. which he rewatched at home and said that Kalan "got inside [him]". Zack likes Nature Boy and the other older songs which allow Kalan to pretend to be a grown up.
Kalan comes out to sing Nature Boy and nails it just as well as he did in the top 3 show. There isn't a lot to be said about this performance that Shoebox or I haven't said already. Really, really good.
At Theresa's first audition, the judges noted her warmth, sweetness and physical presence just standing there. They told the Regina press they'd found the best singer yet. Farley likes Summertime as it shows her ability to take an overplayed song and make it interesting to us. He says she "annihilated" that song. Jake likes Good Mother and was very moved when rewatching it on TV. Zack likes Song for a Winter's Night, and tells us some more that she's his favourite singer of both seasons. Sass likes all the big band stuff and Jake concurs that she is "not a rock singer".
Theresa is singing Good Mother. Despite her failing voice, it is even more moving than when she originally sang it. She is singing to her mother, who is in the audience and amazingly holding it together. I'm not. Theresa barely hangs on to her tears and powers through the rest of the song as best she can with a failing voice. The raggedness only adds to the emotion. It's all she can do to say a couple of words to Ben at the end.
That vision of beauty comes to a prompt end with a shot of Lorne Calvert, premier of Saskatchewan and world's ugliest politician, in the audience.
We get one final clip show/montage and then Kalan and Theresa have to come out and duet on the old Cyndi Lauper song True Colours. Theresa's voice is shot, Kalan is trying to hang on to his emtions, Theresa is not bothering to hang on to hers. Sometimes the best intentions of cheese inducement on this show result in a truly lovely moment, and this is one of them. If after watching this you think their friendship is manufactured, you're too cynical for me. Which is pretty damn cynical. What a wonderful way to finish.
The final judges' comments are all variations on "don't let the man keep you down". It's just like Burger King - they can have it their way, so long as their way is one of the things on 19E's menu.
Ben and the kids are back to the judges. Ben says simply, "This is how it was supposed to end", and who can disagree, really? Well, except for the legions of Jacob fans still arguing about whether he threw the competition or not. To the surprise of nobody with access to a TV this summer, Kalan is crowned Canadian Idol and immediately receives the most gleeful hug of congratulations ever from Theresa. Aww... mob of top 10 people and judges, singout of horrible single and we're done for another year.
It's been a blast. Hope to see you all next year.