Joe Dwarf: Ben's dressed up in a white tuxedo jacket with ivory silk collar, black pants, no tie. He's toned down the ManTan to a post-radioactive glow and actually looks pretty suave. If you pronounce that "swave", that is. He introduces Orren Isaacs and the CI Orchestra, who sound pretty damn fine, except for the strings. No crying in baseball, no strings in big band!

I'm really looking forward to this but my thought is that the singers are going to have some trouble being heard over the band.

The contestants are introduced, and they all are looking sharp for the occasion. Theresa's sporting a sunny blue dress, Jason and Kalan are besuited, and Jacob is wearing dark pants and striped shirt with bright white suspenders and bow tie, sort of a zoot suit feel but with tight pants. Of course.

There's a little blurb to explain the theme to the 85% of the audience who have no clue what "standards" or "big band" music is about. There's a nod to Canadian retro artists that does not include Holly Cole. Burn, CTV, burn.

The judges are introduced. Zack is competing with the microphone-spinning android for shiny. Sass has a forties looking black number on. Farley is looking sharp in a pin-striped double breasted suit with a derbey hat. And Jake is wearing his boring beige suit. Way to get into the groove, Jake.

It occurs to me that Theresa has the most to lose here. Everyone expects her to do well. On the other hand, it could be argued that this genre is a stretch for the three others. So if the men don't do too well, they're forgiven for being out of their depth. If they do well, it's a big plus as everyone is impressed. But if Theresa does well, people will shrug and say they expected it. And if she doesn't, it's a much bigger tank than it would be for the men.

As luck would have it, Theresa draws first spot with Paper Moon. She makes no mistake, and effortlessly blends with the orchestra. This song happens to be one my sister sings with her swing band. I'm not a big fan of the song, but she does it very well - as does DwarfSis. Theresa saves it from boredom by throwing something she can do that none of the others can - actual scat that sounds good and makes musical sense. Thank dog that none of the other three elect to inject any jazz in their performances.

Three out of the four judges make reference to it being her night. No pressure, no pressure. They are universal in their praise.

If there was ever any doubt who will win this thing, Kalan laid it to rest tonight. Moon River is a bloody brilliant song choice for him. His outfit was exactly tailored to the song - more sixties than forties, as most people will have a moon-eyed Audrey Hepburn in their head when listening to this. Just me? OK. He was a little soft on the entry, but after that it was smooth, lovely and wistful - just the way the song should be. This was his best performance since Born To Be Wild, and one that emphatically shows that classic rock is not his only genre. His genre is whatever songs melt the panties off young girls, no matter the era.

Or old girls. Sass calls him "impossibly dreamy". The other judges are equally loopy. Apparently if someone doesn't appreciate what he did, he is too jaded to deserve to watch him. Or something. I don't speak Zackese fluently.

Jason is doing a little more upbeat number, I Won't Dance. The genre is surprisingly suited to him. The suit suits, too. I find his phrasing a little choppy, and he sounded a little flat in the opening bars but other than that this is a very strong performance for him. He dials back the cheese to a minimum - I think the suit was built with SmarmAway, a special cheese-resistant material. He can't resist pointing at me, though. His biggest problem is that he had to follow Theresa and Kalan. His instrument comes off very thin compared to theirs, especially when competing for attention with all the tones of an orchestra. This was Jason at his best, but it's not quite up to the standard of the others. I was really happy to see him put in a good performance though. After seeing him lead Canadian Railroad Trilogy, I felt he was better than he had been showing us.

The judges are somewhat shocked, and give him all positive comments. Sass was nearly insulting in her flabbergastedness.

Jacob sings Straighten Up and Fly Right. As this is a sentiment he no doubt has encountered all his life, the song makes perfect sense for him. This is another one of those love it or hate it performances - either you get past the fact that he can't generate your standard swing-era smooth tones or you don't. He throws in a little attitude, a little shuffle, a little showmanship - it all works because he likes and understands the song.

The judges have four variations on "you're a star", with two of them claiming he has a movie career ahead of him. Add some pimping from Zack about how proper tone isn't important (didn't he just praise Theresa's tone last week?) and it's clear they're in damage control mode.

Theresa is back for round 2 with Dream A Little Dream. She kicks it off by echoing the muted horns perfectly with a little scat. She's in a different dress which is absolutely lovely, although Mrs. Dwarf thought she should have worn her hair up. The whole piece is lovely, but once more it's a song choice I'm not real fond of. I wish she would have torn into something with a little more zip.

She gets her second standing ovation of the evening. I may be seeing things, but I think only she and Kalan got the whole audience on their feet. The judges are once more very positive. Except for Zack, who chooses tonight to point out that she could use some vocal coaching. The hell? I mean, yeah, she needs some coaching but just minutes ago he was on about how it's not about pitch/tone whatever.

Gary F. Beals is in the audience. Shut up, light-bulb head.

Kalan's second song is The Way You Look Tonight. He's gone with the pinstripe suit for a bit of an older look. This one isn't quite as good - he's a little lost behind the orchestra. But not quite as good is still pretty damn good. He's about as likely to go home tomorrow as Ben is.

The judges again are all positive. Sass can barely speak around all the drool. Jake points out that Sass is "caught up". I think he misprounced "in heat".

Jason comes out in a suit which has a few leaks in the smarm coating and shows off his inner Vegas lounge singer with It Had To Be You. He's got the nod, the wink, the finger snaps and he fucking points at me again. Shut up, Jason. The vocal isn't as strong as the first song, and there's a bit of the old dead-eyes look that we've seen before. But overall, again, a strong performance for him.

The judges all give him a little grief over the first verse but say that he pulled it out at the end. Zack gives the "close but no cigar" speech. One senses again the spin being applied a little bit. The judges clearly want a Kalan/Theresa/Jacob top three. As far as this sort of blatant anti-promotion of one candidate I can only say: go judges, go.

I think that I would have enjoyed Jacob's performance of Unforgettable if I could have heard it better. He was shooting for a very gentle delivery, but unfortunately he wasn't miked for it and came up under the orchestra more often than not. But overall I thought this was even stronger than the first one. It had a bit of the same vibe as some of his cheesy rock ballad performances, only with a way better song to work with. He was rockin' with the ivory dinner jacket and black pants, too. I note on second listen to it on tape that the mix was much better - maybe there's some weird shit happening with the stereo decoding on our TV vs the VCR.

Zack says that after traversing Canada they came up with "four diverse, amazing, unique people". Well, I'll grant that you can apply all of those adjectives to some of the people, and leave it to you, gentle reader, to determine which ones apply to whom. He adds that "this wouldn't have happened in America". On that, we can agree.

Results Show

Shoebox: I love results shows where I get to prove to Shoemom that I'm psychic. "I dunno...I wouldn't at all be surprised to see Theresa there." "No way!" Hee.

Joe Dwarf: That was mildly heart-stopping for us Theresa fans, but I was pretty confident that Jason was going to go.

Shoebox: Does anybody else get the feeling this season has been one long, slow march to this point? Everybody who was 'supposed' to be in the Top 10 made it. No true 'shockers' at all in the finals, unless you count Kaleb. Nobody staying past their prime, except Jason, and he's goned before he can really mess up the works. Finally here we are with the three chosen ones. Luckily, they also happen to be the most deserving, or I'd be reallyreally mad right now (instead of just tired and rambling...)

Joe Dwarf: Really, the final three are terrific, I'd venture to say the best final 3 in all 5 seasons of North American idol shows. Given who won down under, fair dinkum we stomped the Aussies too.

Shoebox: Group sing was lovely, except possibly for Kalan, who is somehow saddled with both the dopiest song of the four and the Muted Mic of Doom. Again.Spending a lot of time with the rewind button lately, I can attest that both of his performances Wednesday were actually pretty damn amazing, and it's a shame they were washed out.

Joe Dwarf: Jason was flat. Flat, flat, flat. Thin, too. Theresa was wonderful, she should have done that song last night. Very short compared to the other two - I suspect she's still saving her voice somewhat. Kalan was a mite wobbly but OK, Jacob finished off in fine style. A little ragged on the chorus. Nice to hear Theresa coming strong and clear through the boys, that sure as hell wouldn't have happened a few weeks ago.

Shoebox: Matt Dusk...eugh. Too happy! to be suave. Plus, "He looks like he's half-cut," Shoemom keeps sniffing contemptously.

Joe Dwarf: Who dug up this jug-eared bundle of smarm and decided he was the next Harry Connick? Seriously, I may have enjoyed Jason's first number last night more than that. OK, not that bad but still. Some weird-ass shit happening with his vowels. And then the Sinatra - if I wanted a bad Vegas impersonator doing Wayne Newton impersonating Frank Sinatra at the all-night Velveeta Lounge, I would've asked for it. Yeesh.

I was pretty damn sure that Jason was bottom two and out, but who was going to join him was not so clear. Theresa was absolutely gracious about it, cheerful even - maybe the rumours that she wants out before her voice is permanently wrecked are true?

Shoebox: I still think we're in for a Kalan/Theresa final. As far as I can make out Jason fans do not tend to be Jacob fans.

Joe Dwarf: Singouts - proving lightning doesn't strike twice, Jason makes a mess of I Won't Dance. Clearly nervous, he comes off shakey and flat. Theresa on the other hand is just fine with Only a Paper Moon. I'd rather've heard more of Someone To Watch Over Me but I guess you can't have everything.

Aaannnnddd... buh-bye, cheese-boi. Take your dimples elsewhere. To his credit, Jason is completely classy and sincere about his exit. Rather than singing his other standards song, Jason breaks out Easy and, free of nerves, nails it. Way better than Ritchie night. Damn. With that performance, plus the Lightfoot group thing and the one big band song, I see the beginnings of a guy I might actually want to watch someday. Hopefully he takes his career in that direction, rather than the other way with the cartoon-ish hopping and yelling and winking and all.

Shoebox: Jason was pretty classy in defeat...but it doesn't quite make up for the preceding eight weeks of smarm. Bye, Bar Boi. I have a queasy feeling we'll be hearing about your CD real soon.