Facilities Prioritization
Troy Aikman of the Dallas Cowboys, after living a full life, died.
When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Cowboys flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Troy," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Troy felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.
On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Green and Gold sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Packers logo flag, and in every window, a Title Towel.
Troy looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I've been a dominant QB in the NFL and I've led my team to a number of glorious victories as well."
God said "So what do you want to know, Troy?"
"Well, why does Brett Favre get a better house than me?"
God chuckled and said "Troy, that's not Brett Favre's house, it's mine."
The Wall
Three guys, a Dallas fan, a Packer fan, and a Viking fan are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.
"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Dallas Fan says, "I am a farmer, my Dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Texas."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'FOOM' the land in Texas was forever made fertile for farming.
The Viking Fan was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Minnesota so that no infidels, Bear Fans, or Packer Fans, can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF', there was a huge wall around Minnesota.
Izzy, the Wisconsinite asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state; nothing can get in or out."
Izzy says, "Fill it up with water."
Ice Fishing Contest
The Vikings challenged the Packers to an ice-fishing contest. When it came time for the catch weigh-in, the Packers had 100 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings demanded a rematch for the next Saturday.
This time the Packers came in with 200 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings decided the Packers must be cheating so they demanded another rematch, and sent a spy dressed in green and gold to check it out.
This time the Packers came in with 300 lbs., and the Vikings still had zero. So, the Vikings asked their spy if the Packers were cheating.
"Hell yes, they were cheating! They were drilling holes in the ice!"
The Funeral
A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front.
He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.
The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead."
The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to and enjoy the game together.
"Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."
A Packer Fan in Heaven
A devout Packer fan died and had just arrived in heaven (that's where all Packer fans go, you know). He was talking to an angel trying to get the lowdown on what heaven was going to be like. He asked the angel if there were any former Packers in heaven.
The angel replied, "Sure, all the greats are here."
He then asked the angel if they played football and the angel replied that in heaven, every day is Packer Sunday and the Pack always wins.
Being very excited the fan asked if Vince Lombardi was there and as he asked, he saw a man with dark rimmed glasses, a heavy overcoat, and a cap that looked strangely like the one Vince Lombardi wore in the Ice Bowl.
When asked excitedly if that was him, if that was Vincent T. Lombardi, the angel replied, "No, that was God. He likes to act like he's Lombardi."
The Dog
A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching a Packers - Bears game.
Whenever the Packers scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do an animated dance. This happened over and over as the Packers scored again and again. At the end of the game the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar.
The man thought this was pretty unusual and asked the bartender, "Gee that's amazing. What happens when the Bears win?"
The bartender replied "I don't know, the dog's only 4 years old."
The Telephone
John Madden was in Dallas to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Cowboy's bench. He asked Chan Gailey what it was for, and he was told it was a hotline to God. John asked if he could use it. Chan told him, "Sure, but it will cost you fifty bucks."
John pulled out his wallet and made the call.
The next weekend John Madden was at Lambeau Field when he noticed the same kind of phone by the Packers' bench. He asked Ray Rhodes if it was a hotline to God, and Mike said, "Yes, and you can use it for a quarter."
John asked why it was so much cheaper than the Cowboy's phone, and Ray replied, "Local call."
What about Iowa?
Q: Why doesn't Iowa have a professional football team?
A: Because Minnesota and Illinois would want one too.
Ice Fishing Contest
The Vikings challenged the Packers to an ice-fishing contest. When it came time for the catch weigh-in, the Packers had 100 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings demanded a rematch for the next Saturday.
This time the Packers came in with 200 lbs. of fish, and the Vikings had zero. The Vikings decided the Packers must be cheating so they demanded another rematch, and sent a spy dressed in green and gold to check it out.
This time the Packers came in with 300 lbs., and the Vikings still had zero. So, the Vikings asked their spy if the Packers were cheating.
"Hell yes, they were cheating! They were drilling holes in the ice!"
The Packer Fan and the Priest
A Packer fan had a job where his commute every day led him on a road
right alongside the Minneapolis Metrodome. Of course, there were always
Vikings fans walking along the road. The Packers fan made it a practice to
hit any pedestrian Vikings fan with his car as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped to
give him a ride. A little further along, he spotted a Vikings fan walking
along the side of the road. Automatically, he veered his truck towards
the Vikings fan but then remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the
center, but he still heard a "whump." In the rear view mirror he spotted
the Viking fan rolling across the street. He turned to the priest and said,
"Father, I'm sure that I missed that Vikings guy."
The priest replied, "It's OK, my son. I got him with the door."
The Explanation
A Packer fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Viking fans?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Viking fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Viking fan, and the guy sitting next to him is 6'5", 280 pounds and he's a Viking fan too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Packer fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
Chicago Bears Tickets!
A man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and inquires about purchasing
play-off tickets. The ticket teller replies that there weren't any tickets
for sale because the Bears did not make it to the play-offs.
The following day the same man goes to the Chicago Bear ticket office and
inquires about purchasing Bear play-off tickets. The ticket teller politely
replies that there weren't any tickets for sale because the Bears did not
make it to the play-offs.
This goes on for an entire week. The man goes to the Bear ticket office
inquiring about play-off tickets and the teller says none are for sale
because the Bears did not make it to the play-offs.
Another week of this goes by and the man still is asking the ticket teller
about Bear play-off tickets. Finally the ticket teller in a loud voice
says, I'VE TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS THERE WERE NOT ANY TICKETS
AVAILABLE BECAUSE THE BEARS DID NOT MAKE THE PLAY-OFFS.
The man replied, "I know." I drive all the way from Green Bay just to hear
you say that!
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Green Bay Packer Jokes