Okay, I know this is just begging for hate mail but hey I don't care. This was an assignment I had to do for creative writing. I was supposed to write 3 poems on one subject. One in iambic tetrameter, one in rhyming couplets, and one limerick. It just so happened that the first limerick I could think of was about a mortician, and so the rest followed it. So, without further adeu, here is:

Bob The Mortician

Limerick

There was a mortician named Bob
Who had too much fun with his job.
     For kicks it is said
     He slept with the dead
And made them all swallow his glob.


Iambic tetrameter

Mortician Bob, he isn’t kind
to bodies dead and spirits gone.
The pastime he does treasure most
is screwing you young female dead.
And you will do nothing to him
but pay him up and say thank you.


Rhymed couplets

Bob’s a mortician, yes indeed.
Arranges the plots, and tends the weeds.

But the favorite part of his career,
Is never ending cadaver rear.

He spends all night with the dead,
Removing their clothes and getting head.

The taste of cold flesh is his delight
A new piece of tail for him every night.

The feeling the living just can’t supply
is the buzz in his head from formaldehyde.

The carcass used. He’s had is bliss.
To think you actually paid him for this.

He keeps your panties, but leaves your shirt.
Into the coffin, you’re covered with dirt.

He wipes his brow, he’s had his fun,
then gets his pay for a job well done.

So when you’re feeling ever sleepy,
Know the fate that comes so creepy.

The final time you rest your head,
Bob will screw you while you’re dead.


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