I wrote this at work today:

I am at work writing this on a random piece of paper because I left my journal(s) at home. I'm in such a good mood today. I think I must be manic because I was so down yesterday.

This morning I went to the hospital with my sister Ruth. She needed to get her blood pressure checked, and I needed an X-ray of my gimpy shoulder. My shoulder's been a lot better lately, so I had to fight the temptation to not get an X-ray. I'm not all about doctors visits or medication at all. I should become Christian Scientist -- those people who pray their illnesses away...or maybe I shouldn't. Anyway, I hope the results turn out okay.

I've begun collecting pledges for my AIDS Walk. I don't like asking people for money...grr. And some people are wary about donating to such a cause because in their ignorance, they feel AIDS is God's way of punishing sinners -- the druggies, homos, prostitutes, etc. Then I remind them of the innocent babies who contract AIDS from their mothers, and they give in. But screw that -- everyone deserves to be healed of deathly diseases. I hate the way people think.

A few moments ago a guy asked for my number. Well, actually his cousin did for him. Well, here's what happened. He and his cousin came in. And he asked me, "Where did you say you got your tatoos done again?" So I guess we'd had a conversation about tatoos before, though I don't remember. When you come into contact with hundreds of people, it's hard to remember each individual conversation. Anyway, so I talked to him a bit about that. Then they left. I had a few customers after that but noticed that the cousin walked back up to the door but then never came in because the guy said something to him. Then the cousin came in and said, "My cousin's too chicken-shit to come in. But he wants to know if he can have your phone number." I sat there for like 30 seconds, gnawing on my lip and saying "Ummmmm." I asked if he was married because I'd heard them say something about one of them being married, but he said, "No that's me" and showed me his ring. And then I asked how old the guy was, and he said "21." So I decided to go ahead and give it to him because I never ever take chances. I said, "Remember...no guarantees, though" or something equally as bitchy-sounding that I didn't mean to sound bitchy -- I just wanted his cousin to know that I'm letting him call me to see how things go but am not committing (spelling?) myself to anything just yet. He acted like he knew what I meant. I feel as though I act like such a snob sometimes -- but it's just that I have no idea what I want and am absolutely terrified of getting my hopes up about things that aren't going to work out. Later, the guy came in and bought a can of beer. Already I was thinking, "Nope -- won't work out. He's a drinker." But it's actually probably a good thing that he bought only one 16-oz. can of beer. If he were an alchy, he'd have bought a 40. Ahh -- I need to shut up. Why do I size people up this way? And then he said, "I was scared to come in and ask for your number because I figured you were seeing someone." And I said, "No, not right now." And then he asked what would be a good time to call...how polite and respectful! I'm happy yet scared because what if we start talking on the phone, and he ends up having some sort of horrible past or something. I rarely give out my number -- last time I did, the guy ended up having tried to kill someone! Karma isn't on my side. Anyway, the guy is short, and he has a baby face. But he's always smiling. Sometimes you're around a person and just naturally feel comfortable, and he's one of those kinds of people. So maybe this will be okay. His name is Ronnie, by the way...I asked him.

In my favorite book Innocence, the main character, Beckett, has this website she goes to with a wizard who helps her with all her problems. The book is written so wonderfully that the reader never really knows whether Beckett is going crazy or if things are really the way she describes them to be. Anyway, this website she goes to...she becomes addicted to it, even dependant upon it. I have a website I feel I'm getting that way about. It's a website about becoming closer to God by breaking ties with your worldly addictions. I'm so freaky about this site...I always consult it before making decisions. But it's really helping me change things about myself I don't like. It's very Jesus-y, but I overlook that. Maybe God let me find the website. Or maybe I'm just going insane like Beckett. Muwah ha ha haaaaa.

One more thing...one of our main customers died of a heart attack. She wasn't even old...like 46. I feel really weird.