Last night was interesting, to say the least. One of my best friends, Karen, had a big party. I'm not much of a drinker and was the designated driver, so I stayed sober. Tony Sch., Shannon, Tony Ev., Melanie, Corey, and Julie all went along. Melanie, Corey, and Tony drank, though Melanie didn't get drunk. Corey and Tony did, though. Corey was just being overly silly...kind of going back and forth between just sitting there staring off into space and dancing like a crazy person. Tony, I believe, played up his drunkenness a bit much. He didn't drink that much, at least not for being a big boy...but he acted wasted. But, anyway, it's time for me to be a li'l confessionalist. He and I made out ALL night. I don't know WHY it happened. I'm no longer in love with him...yet I also don't think I'd go off and make out with just anyone, either. I'd not make out with Corey or Melanie or Karen or Shannon (the list goes on)...and it's not really like I'm attracted to Tony, either. I'm wondering if my letting him molest me last night was some sort of a backlash from wanting him for SO long and not being able to have him...so subconsciously, maybe I was fulfilling some sort of desire I had way back in the day? Karen even asked me, "Why do you keep letting him makeout with you?" And I just sat there for a second and said, "I don't know." I really don't know...Shannon thinks I still like him. But, really, I don't. I just have some sort of need to...touch him, all the time. It's really quite strange. Anyway, I'm glad I'm not freaking out about last night and thinking, "Oh, I hope we start dating now!" We had an incident such as last night's happen back when I was in love with him (and he wasn't drunk...most people reading this probably know the story)...and I thought we'd have this great relationship afterwards...but we didn't, and he ended up with a boyfriend a couple weeks later. While he was kissing me, I was trying to push him away, kinda...yet wanting it at the same time. I really did want to kiss him...I think just not in the situation we were in. I am not a fan of public displays of affection. Anyway, the night was all-in-all pretty good. I was also afraid of how things were going to be between Shannon and me because a lot of not cool stuff has been hitting the fan lately...but -- it was weird -- we were almost NORMAL...friendly and liking each other. I totally felt love for her and no bitterness at all. I don't know what happened, but I'm really happy. I know we'll never be "best friends" again, but I'd like to at least be friends again. She is going to marry my cousin some day. Anyway, I'm going to go eat some pizza.